It's easy to speak, but talking well is our lifelong practice.
Text | Fat Sea (Columnist of Rich Books)
A few days ago, Chao Ran's live broadcast was on fire, to be precise: it caused public anger.
Many people may not know who Chao Ran is, she has been concerned by the public for "One Stop to the End", and later temporarily appeared because of the youth drama "The Best of Us".
And she recently made it hot again because of her inappropriate remarks on the livestream.
She took the peach crisp on the live broadcast, and some fans commented that "I bought it for my grandparents", which was a popular sentence.
Unexpectedly, Chao Ran immediately replied, "You don't insult my peach crisp", as soon as the words came out, the live broadcast room was instantly embarrassed, at which time she reacted and quickly changed her mouth to "men and women, young and old".
What is even more eye-popping is that when Chao Ran's boyfriend talked about "The Age of Awakening", he said that it was a film about how the ancestors established our country. The online rating is high and there is time you should check it out.
Who knew that Chao Ran directly answered the side and said, "It sounds so ugly."
Because of her strange remarks, the topic of Chao Ran's live speech was on the hot search, causing an uproar on the Internet.
Seeing that things were not good, Chao Ran hurriedly sent a video to apologize publicly,
He also donated 100,000 yuan to the anti-war veterans in the name of "The Age of Awakening", but the public did not buy it at all.
As the old saying goes, "Words are like arrows, they must not be sent randomly, and once they enter the human ear, they are powerful and difficult to pull out." ”
Speaking without a sense of proportion will be embarrassing
Once, I posted a selfie in my circle of friends.
Friends, you know, the beauty function, always make ordinary life more colorful.
However, just as I was admiring myself beautifully, a friend's message instantly hit me back to its original form: it's beautiful, but it doesn't feel like you!
Suddenly, all the good mood was swept away.
Bi Shumin once said: "Keeping a distance close is the most appropriate way to communicate." ”
The exchanges between friends pay attention to seeing through and not saying broken, seeing clearly and not asking the bottom, not taking the lack of measure as humor, and not speaking directly and seriously.
Big S, who is known for his honesty, was once spat on the hot search because of his mode of getting along with his friend Aya.
In the show, Big S never speaks well to Aya, and "Shy" is their "way of getting along from childhood to adulthood":
Big S complained that Aya's appearance was "not advanced"; often interrupted Aya with "shut up" and "I don't want to hear";
Once, Aya and Big S shared the story of himself and idol Andy Lau, and when Aya said that it was rising, the Big S next to him directly laughed and said: "Hua Tsai is really unlucky, he really doesn't need people like you to help him publicize."
Then Big S pressed even harder, making Aya very embarrassed, and finally she could only bow her head and rub the toothpick paper at a loss.
Sanmao once said: "No matter how close a friend is, you can't afford to lose your measure." ”
People interact with each other, the most important thing is to get along comfortably, and people with high emotional intelligence tend to respect others and take into account the feelings of others in the first place.
Interaction without a sense of proportion will only make each other drift apart.
People with high emotional intelligence never take the moment to be quick
Often see such people:
When you wear a new dress, he will evaluate "this color, you dare to wear it";
You share the person you like, ta must be poisonous tongue "you are looking for such a person";
You and Ta disagree, he absolutely wants to squeeze you, saying that you are dumb.
People who are too egotistical are always anxious to express themselves and are busy with catharsis. They only "spit out" but never "swallow.".
But I don't know that sometimes the misfortune comes from my own quick mouth.
In the "History of Song", such a scene is recorded.
Prime Minister Kou Zhun and Political Participation Ding Said, the two attended the high-level meeting and attended the team dinner together.
During the banquet, Ding Yu saw that Kou Zhun's beard was stained with soup, so he took the initiative to come forward and wipe it off for him.
Kou Zhun was not accustomed to Ding Zhi's behavior, and thought that Ding Zhi was flattering, so he sneered: "Participating in politics, the minister of the country, is it for the chief minister to whisk Suye?" ”
Meaning: As a minister of state, you are shaving the beard of your superiors?
In public, this humiliation can be described as leaving no mercy, and Ding Zhi suddenly felt ashamed and annoyed.
Since then, Ding Yu has held a grudge against Kou Zhun, and has fought against Kou Zhun everywhere in the official arena, and often slandered and framed Kou Zhun in front of the emperor.
After saying more than once, the emperor believed it to be true, and eventually Kou Zhun was sent into exile and died in a foreign land.
Zeng Guofan once said: "You must not act arbitrarily, and you must not speak freely." ”
Wine is alcoholic because of a degree, and people are made because of a degree. Everything in the world has a degree, and there is no degree of victory and bitterness.
Most of those who like to be quick-talking for a while will go narrower and narrower on the road in the future, because if you have no one in sight, how can people see you in their eyes.
Speaking to leave some space for others is actually leaving some room for yourself.
"Don't tell all lies, don't tell the truth"
Huang Bo is a recognized representative of high emotional intelligence in the entertainment industry, and once he was asked how to look at "old drama bones" and "small fresh meat".
Because during that time, some old drama bones have criticized traffic stars: acting is not professional, acting is not dedicated. And revealed concerns about the future of the show business world.
Huang Bo was asked at this time, and it was obvious that this was a suicidal problem.
However, Huang Bo's answer can be called a textbook model.
He said: "'Small fresh meat' is actually a young actor, young actors have a large flow, indicating that the market needs them, which is an overall phenomenon." ”
He said there was no need to worry. Because "it takes time to grow."
Huang Bo also joked: "In fact, when I first entered the industry, I also heard the worries of our predecessors about us young actors, but we learned step by step, and eventually grew into a reassuring look." ”
Huang Bo did not directly judge people, nor did he use false words to make sloppy eyes, but told an objective truth.
As Mr. Ji Xianlin said: "Don't tell all lies, and don't tell all the truth." ”
Although good words about deceiving people are good to say, in the long run, they are often not beneficial to others and to themselves.
Hurtful truths are not easy to say in their entirety, and it is not necessary to say them all when they can see through them, which not only fulfills the face of others, but also adheres to their own bottom line.
Speaking in a measured manner is not to say the scene whenever people are, but to know not to say things that are difficult for themselves, and not to speak sad words about others.
There is a question on zhihu: what is really high emotional intelligence?
One gaozan replied: "The real high emotional intelligence is not pandering to please, nor is it a smooth accident, but empathy, empathy, and good intentions." ”
Yes, we always think that we can talk, talk smartly, be sociable, and have high emotional intelligence.
But it's not.
As Huang Bo said: "Sometimes, the so-called high emotional intelligence is just that you don't want to hurt others." ”
True high emotional intelligence is to push oneself and others for understanding, and to do not do to others' kindness that one does not want.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage you.
About the Author: Fat Sea, Columnist of Rich Books.