Living in this society, we are both individuals and a whole with others. Therefore, we cannot solve all the difficulties in life alone, and there is no shame in asking others for help.
Some people even say that feelings are troublesome, and this is just an opportunity to enhance feelings.
Just like men and women get along, in the early stage of getting along, the way to quickly heat up the feelings between two people is to "add trouble to each other".
Of course, in the social attribute, the same is true. This is like the famous Franklin effect in psychology, when Franklin troubled political enemies to lend books to himself, and finally succeeded in turning enemies into friends.
In fact, many times, we want to be close to a person, it is better to start by asking the other party to help a little.
When I start to feel at ease with the trouble you rely on you, it is equivalent to indirectly telling you that I need you and like you from the bottom of my heart.
As with the theory of the "threshold effect": once a person accepts the insignificant demands of others, it is possible to accept larger demands.
The experiment at that time was roughly as follows: two groups of people were sent, one group first asked the other party to hang a small sign on their door, and after a period of time, they asked to hang a large sign, and 50% of the people agreed to the request for hanging a large sign.
The second group directly asked the experimental party to hang a big sign, and only 20% of the people finally agreed.
The reason for the high power of the first component is that the tested party is actually to avoid its own cognitive incongruity, and has the first "insignificant" request to hang a small sign, which increases the participant's sense of participation.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="14" > know how to trouble others, is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence</h1>
Many times daring to trouble others is the right way to open a relationship. Of course, everything should pay attention to a degree, do not blindly lack measure, lose control.
To put it bluntly, relationships are really an exchange. The preciousness of the feelings between friends is that they complement each other and achieve each other.
As Song Siming said in "Snail Residence": Relationship is something, you have to move often. The more you move, the more you can't tell, and if you can't say it clearly, you will rot in the pot. If you can clearly distinguish between you and me, you will be divided.
Although Song Siming is not worthy of our advocacy emotionally, he still does a good job in officialdom and interpersonal relations.
This is precisely because he understands that it is difficult to achieve things on his own, and there is a tradition in China since ancient times called "etiquette and exchange". Trouble comes and goes, and two people can no longer be two parallel lines, but will be intertwined.
Many times we don't want to trouble others, we are thinking about others, and at the same time we are telling others not to come and trouble me. In this way, many opportunities will be missed.
A good relationship is actually trouble. You help me with your resources, and I have my own strengths to help you.
There is a saying in War and Peace: We do not love others because they are good to us, but because we are good to them, we love them.
Everyone needs to be identified, self-worthed, and fulfilled, so when we help others, we retain a happy memory that will cause a chain reaction: people who have helped you once will be more willing to help you again than those you have helped.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="50" > know how to trouble lovers and can warm up feelings</h1>
Wu Zhihong uses psychology in "The Giant Baby Country" to better analyze this problem: many people are afraid of trouble with others, but relationships are established in trouble with each other. People who are afraid of trouble with others, who have difficulty expressing their desire for relationships, are bound to retreat into loneliness.
When we dare not open our mouths to ask for help from others, it is equivalent to blocking, and the door through which others care about us has turned ourselves into an island.
The same is true of love.
It is better to be moved by a person, want to open a relationship, and sometimes ask the other party for help than to help the other party yourself.
Qian Zhongshu gave such an example in "Siege of the City": The best way to fall in love is to borrow books, because there is a loan and a return, there is a coming and going, and two people come and go to each other ambiguous.
Some people have their own skills in the relationship, he will deliberately find opportunities to trouble each other, let the other party feel their value, but also want the other party to increase the sense of participation in the process of paying, and gradually "fall into".
Of course, love is interactive, and it is necessary to deal with the parts that are intertwined. This "trouble", if within the scope of the other party's ability, creates one or two "small troubles" to increase the interaction between the two people.
But also have the ability to judge, if it has aroused the other party's disgust, perhaps the other party really has no emotional meaning, do not bother others because of this.
In an intimate relationship, we have the ability to deal with the parts that blend with each other, and sometimes we get into trouble with each other, which means that you can go hand in hand, deal with problems together, cooperate with each other, and make progress together.
Giving trouble to men is a skill in managing feelings, and if a woman is "too sensible", her efforts will become a matter of course.
Of course, in the relationship between the two sexes, we must also have the ability to manage the interaction in love, do not rely on everything, and mutual trouble does not mean that you have to deliberately occupy each other's time and space, but a step-by-step interaction.
When we were young, our parents would tell us that we should not bother others with what we could do, so it was habitually difficult for us to ask for help.
In fact, sometimes I am used to not asking for people, afraid of trouble, which is a manifestation of lack of love. Just like Su Mingyu in "All Is Good", although her career is prosperous, when she curls up in the bathtub to digest her fatigue, it makes people feel so fragile and pitiful.
Proper trouble with others is not only not a "trouble", but a bond that connects with each other, and will also promote their own psychological growth.
Finally, I will end with a passage circulating on the Internet:
When the child no longer bothers you, he may have grown up and stayed away from you;
When your parents stop bothering you, they may have left this world;
When lovers no longer bother you, they may go to trouble others;
When your friends stop bothering you, they may already have a gap with you in their hearts...
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[This article is originally produced by Wei Wei'an, plagiarism must be investigated / The picture comes from the network, invaded and deleted]