Dad cheated, do you know how much it hurts your daughter?!

Yesterday, after the "Zheng Yan Fanyu" WeChat public platform released "Loyalty to Marriage, is the Best Dowry of Fathers to Daughters", my mailbox received several letters from "daughters", telling their experiences after their father cheated on her, one is a 16-year-old high school girl; and the other is an unmarried girl who is of marriageable age, after reading their letters, my heart was touched again, put here today, I hope to touch everyone, especially to touch the soul and soul of those cheating fathers...

High school girl: What qualifications does he have to educate his children to be good people as a person who commits bigamy?!

I am 16 years old, a first-year high school girl, and now that school has started.

　　I went to a key high school, which shows that my previous grades were not bad. But after the start of school, I always lost sleep and cried, and I couldn't concentrate.

　　To tell you the truth, during the epidemic, I learned that my father had already betrayed my mother and had a child with another woman, who was two years old.

　　Before that, my dad and my mom were hiding from me and jointly making up all kinds of lies to deceive me.

　Especially my dad. I respected him so much, believed in him so much, and loved him so much. Now that I think of the words he said about loving me, those beliefs in life, those benevolent and moral, it will feel particularly absurd: what qualifications does a person like him who committed bigamy have to say those beautiful words? What qualifications do you have to teach your child to be a good person?

　　My mother should have known about my father's cheating, but before, she used the guise of "business trip" and "external adjustment" to make excuses for my father not to go home, and even secretly bought gifts from the Internet, saying that my father came back from a business trip to bring me.

　　My dad hurt her like this, she even acted as his accomplice, why didn't she divorce and break up with my dad? That's hypocritical.

　　I persuaded her to divorce her, and she said she didn't want me to have no home. I said, without my dad, we would both be home. My mother cried bitterly, saying that she had paid too much for my father and for this family, and she couldn't bear to give it to someone else.

　　The problem is, she won't let someone else, and wouldn't someone else still snatch my dad away?!

　　These days, I always have all kinds of bad thoughts in my head, one moment I hope that I will not be born in this family, one moment I think that if there is no me, my mother will divorce it, and the next moment I feel that I will probably not get married or have children in the future, love and marriage are really disappointing.

　　These negative thoughts kept fighting in my mind, causing me to do very poorly in this week's exams, and I didn't even want to go home on weekends.

　　Uncle Zheng, I have read many of your articles and know that I must work hard and study hard to get out of my original family.

　　But now, I feel mentally collapsed, weak, unable to walk out of this ideological struggle. What should I do? Will you write me back?

Unmarried Young Woman: I think men are just the father's look

When my dad was having an affair and my sister was in junior high school, I witnessed my dad and mom arguing endlessly.

In fact, sometimes what really makes you sad is not only your parents arguing, but also your parents arguing in front of you, they did not choose to close the door, because they may not realize that this will hurt you, or they do not care, and then, you can see your parents hysterical, mother's crying, father's meanness, without any fig leaf to you to meet you, this is better I feel afraid, I stand next to me, crying alone in the quarrel, What really terrified me was my inability to change anything.

It wasn't the scariest thing, Mom started arguing with Dad about the same, she accidentally lost her seven-month-old brother, sad all day and couldn't sleep, she found his husband indifferent, even after the outflow outside.

She confided in me about who his husband might have had, what kind of evidence she had, how much she had paid for the family, how bad her husband was to him, and confided in me about her hatred and unwillingness.

But it is true that before, my mother paid me pocket money and meal money, after my brother was gone, my mother was at home full-time and wanted another one, I could only ask my father for money, every time I asked my father for money, he could make me feel very uncomfortable, buckle to give, let me know that he made money hard, once I knew that I was penniless after buying breakfast, but I still bought, I didn't want to be hungry, at this time my mother was telling me that he was spending money outside.

Later, he and my mother quarreled a lot, the situation was quite better, I knew he loved me, but when I paid the money, he would take half a step back, he would be forced to pay, when I was in private high school, he trained me in front of many people.

From then on, I knew that in my mother's eyes, I was not as important as my mother, at least she did not think about me when she wanted to die, she only had resentment and unwillingness towards her husband, their relationship was irretrievable enough to make her dead heart, but also reflected how disrespectful and affectionate her father was to her, after all, I think she has put her self-esteem low enough.

They are not divorced, they are not tired of looking at each other, the father can come back four meals a week plus morning and evening, the mother is immersed in his own novel world, the home and I are not taken care of, very free, except a little dirty and messy.

Mom sometimes asks me: Do you blame us? I can only return to her, you know, but it's not something I can choose. My father may be a little more slippery, in the first year of junior high school, I felt very confused, chatted with him, I said that raising children is not like raising pigs to eat enough, he returned to me, you like to be hungry and full, right? Therefore, the impact of infidelity on children may be a bit of a matter of looking at the conscience of parents.

Now, I should be the age to get married, but I don't want to get married. I think men are just the father's egg-like appearance, and the world is as black as a crow.

I'm not happy at all, I've been pretending to be happy, cheerful, and unconcerned in front of people, but I've never been happy, I don't believe in my boyfriend, I don't believe in love, my dad betrayed the marriage, so I don't believe in what kind of marriage and love there is in this world.

You know how much the dad cheated on his daughter, you know? Mr. Zheng, read your article today, I cried a lot, you are really too god, the changes you wrote in the article, I have, especially now, I really can't believe in men, can't believe in love, more afraid to walk into marriage! Tell me, what should I do?! What can I do to have my own perfect and happy life?!

For the child, the family is his whole world.

Happy families are all the same, while unhappy families have their own misfortunes.

A harmonious family should be centered on the child, and for the child, the family is his whole world.

When there is a problem with the parental relationship, many children will make some self-sacrifice things, hoping that the parents will turn their attention to him to save the parents' relationship; the healthy family is like a flat earth, and the child will grow into a tall tree; and the problem family is like a cliff, and the child will grow into a strange tree in order to maintain the balance of the family.

When there is a problem in marriage, many families will choose to maintain the marriage for the sake of their children, but in fact, the indifference between husband and wife makes the child sadder and the harm to them more permanent; if the child has been living in a discordant family environment, the child will become cold, insecure, introverted, timid, eager to have love but afraid of love will hurt themselves. In adulthood, they are more likely to have a tendency to be depressed.

You know how much the dad cheated on his daughter, you know?

An unhappy marriage that is inherited. A child, if he grows up in a family with an unhappy marriage, will repeat this unhappy marital state when he grows up. Survey data show that a child who has experienced parental divorce is 3.85 times more likely to divorce in the future than someone who grows up in a sound family; her mode of dealing with marriage is usually learned from her parents, and children use the same model to establish their own marriages, of course, repeating the unhappiness of their parents, so unhappy marriages are like heirlooms, passed down from generation to generation.

More importantly, the marriage is not happy, many mothers will shift the focus of their feelings to the child, she is attached to the child, afraid that the child will one day be independent and leave her, and the child will also conform to the mother's psychology, thinking that the mother will always be the closest person, and even after growing up, she has her own family and spouse, and the status of the spouse is also after the mother. When a conflict occurs, the adult child instinctively wants to give up the interests of the spouse and fulfill the mother's wishes.

Lack of self-confidence and hypocrisy. A discordant family environment has a very great impact on the child's personality; the state of the family not only affects the child's psychology and personality, but also affects the child's behavior; the disputes in the family, especially the frequent quarrels between parents, are very harmful to the child's growth. Children close themselves off in fear, despair, and helplessness, lacking self-confidence and trust; as adults, these children are very likely to indulge in their own imagination to make up for their own lack; most of the problem teenagers come from childhood unhappiness and lack of security.

What should the mother do when the father cheats on him to minimize the harm to his daughter?

Dad cheated, the mother has become the only psychological dependence of the child, the mother's approach and emotional changes can directly affect the daughter, in many practical cases, I will give the mother some suggestions, I hope they can do the following four points:

In the quarrel, when there is a dispute over the same issue, the two can sit down and explore the source of the problem in depth;

Find new coping patterns, where in a strong woman's family, the wife should show more appreciation for her husband; if the husband wants to be a decision-maker, give him some power; if the wife does not like to be regulated, give her appropriate freedom;

Establishing a good marital character, first of all, respect and trust, followed by tolerance, and then appreciating each other and expressing themselves; being a qualified caregiver of the child, doting or indulging in the child, or simple and rude, will affect the child's spiritual growth;

Even if the marriage fails, remember: don't blame each other; don't feel self-pity; don't try to cut off the child's affectionate connection with the other party; and encourage the child to accept the new life of the parents.