Recently, a movie is about to be released: the title of the film is "My Sister".
Zhang Zifeng plays Enron, a college student who wants to go to Beijing for graduate school. She has always had a wish: to go to graduate school, to live in the city of dreams, to do what she wants to do, and to live the life she wants.
Her parents died suddenly, and she had a younger brother she had never met. With the phrase "the eldest sister is like a mother", this younger brother who was more than ten years away from her age suddenly became her unshirkable responsibility. This feeling of powerlessness is a true portrayal of how many girls there are.
In the face of dreams and family affection, what else can this girl in her early twenties and not familiar with the world do? Yang Jialing said in "Although time is shallow, it is not worthy" that before everyone is given any role, she is first of all herself. We must learn to feel sorry for ourselves and not to have too many burdens and burdens in our hearts.
As Enron said to his brother, "You are not alone in my life. ”
What should she do?
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >, recognize "other people's expectations" and "self-identification", and tear off the label of selfishness</h1>
"Others expect" is what others think about our behavior, what we think we can do and what we shouldn't do. "Self-identification" is our identification of ourselves, and when we meet certain conditions or standards, we will feel satisfied or valuable.
For example, my aunt believes that Enron's first priority at the moment is to raise her brother well, and Enron's biggest life goal at this moment is to go to Beijing for graduate school. The aunt's expectations and Enron's self-identification form a big gap.
When there is a huge gap between the two, the relatively powerless parties will face a strong internal conflict. Growing up in the oriental etiquette culture, "others expect" will often give priority to "self-identification" too much, we will be afraid that we are different from others, afraid of being labeled "selfish" because we cannot meet the expectations of others.
Patience may be a relatively simple way to meet the expectations of others, but perhaps there is an endless black hole waiting for yourself. For example, the love and dreams that are abandoned at this moment will eventually become the regrets of Enron's life. For example, when he grows up, his younger brother, after understanding his sister's past efforts, is full of guilt for his sister all his life, and even this guilt will have an invisible impact on his future small family.
The road to choosing to stick to your dreams will be full of hardships, and Enron will surely suffer a lot of ridicule and doubt. Renunciation is bound to bring pain, but perhaps this pain is only temporary. Finding "self-identification" first, and then slowly understanding "others' expectations", and finding a balance point from it, is the basis of a healthy relationship. Chasing dreams allows the sister to realize the value of her life, and this attitude towards a positive face of life will also subtly affect the younger brother.
For us, there is no right or wrong in any decision, as long as we recognize our starting point and take full responsibility for it, we can be ashamed at any time.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > second, express your own demands and make brave decisions</h1>
When our choices go against the "expectations of others", the other party will have a large or small emotional reaction because of unaccustomedness and rejection, and anger, scolding, and ridicule are inevitable. Irrational, angry language is like a sharp blade that hurts people invisible. The sound grew louder and louder, as if to ease up a little, and the wrong balance would all tilt to its side.
There will inevitably be friction in the separation, but it is not a rupture. Distinguish between the emotional boundaries between the self and others, do not take the emotions of others as their own responsibility, and do not blame the unhappiness of the other party on their own heads. We can't control each other's reactions, and the only thing we can do is make ourselves clear. Giving up the expectations of the family is a difficult process, like experiencing an "adult childbirth", we will inevitably experience some tears and disputes, but the ultimate goal is to let everyone see the differences between each other. Boundaries are often the premise of giving love.
For example, Enron can sit down with her aunt and uncle and tell them what she thinks: "I don't care about my brother, but now I have limited ability." I have my dream, a dream that I desperately want to achieve - to go to Beijing for graduate school. "Mom and Dad are gone, and my brother and I have to live stronger." Setting an example for my brother, sticking to my dreams, and being responsible for my own life, I think this is what my parents want to see. My brother will have his life in the future, and I hope he can become a responsible and responsible man. "Despite my limited abilities, Mom and Dad still have a house in their name, and if necessary, we can sell the house, and I don't think Mom and Dad will blame us."
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > third, organize your own assistance mission and achieve a new balance from a new perspective</h1>
Relationships are like a winding path, with flats and bumps, and it is inevitable that small stones will run into the shoes in the bumps. Since the stone is on the foot, then simply take off the shoes first, knock on the ground, the stone can naturally be easily taken out, do not have to bother to change shoes.
The death of their parents does not mean that Enron and his brother have been left alone, and the siblings can get help from their aunts, uncles, or other close relatives. The missions are those who, when we feel exhausted, give us strength with open arms, and they can accompany us through the most painful transition periods.
My aunt was not unhumanized, on the contrary, she had given everything for the family. "I'm a sister, from the day I was born, and always have been." This sentence expressed his bitterness and his heartache for his niece. Enron can ask her aunt and uncle to be the sisters and brothers' support group.
"Aunt and uncle, you are my brother and I's biggest support now, and during my studies, I hope you can help take care of my brother." I will work hard to finish my studies and take on the responsibility of taking care of my younger brother as soon as possible. "If you have a burden, we can buy the house and cover my brother's living and academic expenses." During my studies, I can work and study, and self-sufficiency should be no problem. ”
Enron can also ask your boyfriend for help. "My parents just died, my brother is still young, and I want to stay with him and take care of him during the preparation period." This is my unavoidable responsibility as a sister. In order to juggle my studies and take care of my younger brother, I may choose to finish my studies a little closer to home. I hope to receive your understanding and support. "At the same time, taking care of my brother will definitely affect the review, and I hope to get your help."
I hope she will learn to feel sorry for herself on the way forward with the weight. I hope that my sister is not only a sister, but also herself.