Did you ever get beaten up when you were a kid?
If you've become a parent, have you ever waved your hand at your child?
Children in the past, learn to face the teacher's whip (have you ever had the experience of making a whip for the teacher?). When you return home, you may face your parents' scolding because you did something wrong, or you didn't do well in the exam. Some children will use violence because their parents are at every turn, creating a childhood shadow.
Hitting a child is a punishment and sometimes even an emotional need. We all know the phrase "do not do to others what you do not want", you may have come from the experience of being beaten in childhood, and later you can't help but "do something" to your own children.
What is the necessity and significance of hitting a child?
Recently, a review study published in The Lancet found that corporal punishment of children is not only not effective in preventing children's behavioral problems or has positive results, but increases children's behavioral problems and other adverse outcomes over time.
The research team, from The University of Texas at Austin, reviewed 69 studies analyzing the effects of corporal punishment, such as spanking, on children, which does not include any behaviors that may constitute physical abuse in children.
The researchers concluded seven conclusions about the effects of corporal punishment on children:
Over time, corporal punishment heralds an increase in children's behavioural problems, including aggressive behaviour: corporal punishment, far from helping parents improve their children's behavioural problems, increases children's behaviour.
In addition to behavioral problems, corporal punishment does not have other positive effects on children, such as attention, cognitive abilities, relationships with others, or stress responses. Corporal punishment also does not predict whether a child's positive social behavior or social skills improve over time.
Corporal punishment also increases the risk of child abuse.
The only acts of children who are supported by evidence and who cause corporal punishment are externalized acts (acts that affect the external environment, violate social norms or endanger others). But even when beaten as a result, corporal punishment is always a harbinger of children's externalization getting worse.
Over time, the use of interventions to reduce corporal punishment of children can reduce children's behavioural problems.
The negative outcomes associated with corporal punishment have nothing to do with the gender or ethnicity of the child, nor with the overall parenting style of the parents, and the warmth of the parents does not alleviate the negative impact of corporal punishment on children's behavior.
Corporal punishment is associated with the negative impact and frequency of children. As corporal punishment increases, children's aggressive behavior becomes stronger, their math scores worse, and their reading skills become lower. The authors also found that corporal punishment also increased the severity of corporal punishment's negative consequences for children, creating a vicious circle in which parents used corporal punishment more frequently.
Elizabeth Gershoff, author of the paper and professor of human development and family science at the University of Texas at Austin, points out: "Parents beat their children because they thought it would improve their behavior, but all the evidence shows that corporal punishment is harmful to children's development, and instead of doing good, it makes the situation worse." ”
Regarding the "beating of children", which makes children smell different, parents do not want to do and can't stand it, some netizens gave their own views:
[1]
In my personal experience, what I feared more when I was a kid was that my parents' emotions were out of control than being beaten.
What is emotional loss of control? For example, if you lose a grain of rice after eating, she will start to get angry, and then she will become more and more angry, teaching you for more than an hour.
——Netizen [vulgar]
[2]
Does a fight really work?
From the perspective of solving the problem at hand, a beating seems to be effective.
For example, children get up in the morning and make trouble not going to school, beat up, cry and cry and leave.
Another example is to see a toy store in the mall, begging for a toy, crying when rolling on the ground and dragging it away.
You see, it's simple and crude and effective.
However, what are the problems with this approach?
No attention was paid to the long-term consequences.
Long-term consequences refer to the impact of the way we discipline a child on his or her later life, work, and even mental health.
Take the example of a beating when a problem arises, what kind of long-term consequences will be caused to the child after a beating?
1, anger: this is not fair, adults with great strength can hit me.
2, revenge: this time you win, one day I will win back a round.
3, rebellion: I prefer to do it.
4, cowardice: sneaky to do, or become inferior.
In the long run, you may raise a child who is grumpy, rebellious, and inferior.
——Netizen [Pete]
[3]
Recently, I started beating up children.
When my baby was a child, my grandmother brought a lot, because my grandparents were retired teachers, and the authority at home was very heavy, and my husband and I were basically good and did not dare to resist. Grandma kept going down to the 2nd grade and said that she was not in good health and went back, and we were very grateful to the old couple, and indeed helped us a lot, but the sequelae were also very serious. The child still can't eat well in the third grade, all kinds of picky eating rubs, and the homework must be stared at word by word next to it, otherwise it will be scribbled. I don't listen carefully to the lectures in class, all kinds of dazes, I have no sense of fear of the teacher, I dare to raise the bar back, and I am extremely stubborn, and I have the final say in big things and small things, and I don't listen to the parents and teachers.
My husband and I began to suspect that he had Adhd, and went to the hospital for a full set of tests, and the results came out and said that the child had an IQ of 135, and his obedience and cooperation were not up to standard. The two of us followed the teacher to listen to one lesson after another, and went to the attention training course for several months, and finally the teacher said that his attention was no problem, and said that he should pay attention to training to play less games, not to hit children, and so on. It is easier said than done, and this child is sued by the teacher every day that he is in a daze in class / doing small actions in class / drawing in class, in short, he does not listen to the lecture. Signed up for the school's tutoring class, went to sleep in a daze, wrote homework until more than ten o'clock every day, lost the eraser today, lost the ruler tomorrow, lost the pencil and lost the book the day after tomorrow, and repeatedly told the class to be serious not to be in a daze after school, remember to write homework, and still keep it as it is.
I finally couldn't hold back, every time I received a complaint call, the blood rushed upwards, and if I held back again, I was 100% likely to get a cerebral infarction and heart disease.
Say yes to him every morning, finish your homework and go home, otherwise you will be beaten. —— Tell me after school that I didn't write a word, punch!
After you start writing your homework, agree on a completion time, half an hour or 40 minutes. - Can't finish, punch!
Check the stationery and punch one less piece. - Less ruler eraser, punch!
At present, it has been implemented for 2 days, and the only effective thing at present is that the bag is a little faster than before, the school still does not write homework, the stationery is still lost, and the meal is still rubbed.
My knowledge of beating children comes entirely from childhood memories, the tools used to beat people are a ruler or hanger, and the parts of the beating are the buttocks and thighs. When I was a child, I was very afraid of being beaten, and the number of beatings I had in my entire elementary school years was countless. I don't understand why my kids don't have a temperamental personality like me at all, nor do they look like my husband. If it wasn't for the fact that my relatives delivered the baby in the hospital that day, and the blood type was the same and similar in appearance, I really suspected that it was a mistake.
——Anonymous netizen
[4]
Just ask: How many problems in real life can be solved with fists?
——Netizen [rala who loves to read]
[5]
Hitting a child, if the child steals, tells a very serious lie, commits violence against other children, etc., now no matter what will happen in the future, I can beat the palm of my hand to show punishment, I can accept it.
But the child's grades are not good, the housework is not done well, the interpersonal relationship is not handled well, and the adults take the child to vent their anger and beat the child, I completely do not accept it.
Children can tell which kind of beating is the anger of the parents and which kind of beating is the wrong thing they have done.
For children who have not done anything wrong and have been repeatedly beaten by their parents, the relationship with their parents will definitely deteriorate, and they will certainly not be close to their parents in the future.
This kind of parents who are beaten and scolded by their children in old age is also deserved, and they have learned it from themselves.
But at present, it is not illegal for parents to beat their children, and it is illegal for children to beat their parents.
Therefore, after encountering very violent parents and children with financial ability, it is best not to reason with them, not to communicate at all, to directly cut off contact, do not let them know your situation, do not listen to their situation, do physical cutting, you can live.
I very much hope that all parents who violently treat their children will have a miserable life in their old age, after all, whatever cause they plant, they will get what fruit.
——Netizen [Orange Ying'er]
So, what do you think about older kids? Welcome to leave a message to talk.