#面对别人的辜负, do you choose to forgive or take revenge #
In the face of other people's failures, do you choose to forgive or take revenge?
At the beginning of this, you may guess that this should be another story about failure and betrayal, there is a problem in a relationship, usually it should be faulted that both sides play dozens of big boards, love or hate, there is no unprovoked love, there is no unprovoked hate, right and wrong are often unclear and unclear.
If the ending has been cast, the compound is no longer possible, and the breakup has become inevitable, there is no doubt that the emotions will be released first, gradually calmed down, and then slowly accept the present, and finally let go of love and hate, and live a good life should be regarded as the best choice and the best state.
The girl does not do it, why, why are you so to me, why let you have no scruples, free.
The girl talked about how the ex was, it was like a bamboo tube pouring beans, making a noise, not thinking about the future, not self-motivated, not caring about her parents' feelings, of course, these are the second, the most important, is on the eve of her true love to prepare for marriage, he actually split a leg with her girlfriend.
For her, it was a thunderbolt on a sunny day, and now I was suffering alone, but their "dog men and women" were still comfortable and happy.
I was really unwilling, I wanted revenge, and I even thought of many plans for revenge.
I didn't stop her, let her complain, vent, talk about her method of revenge, the implementation process, talk about the pleasure of revenge, she said, suddenly cried, I don't want to be such a person, I don't want him to suffer such a crime, I don't want to let myself suffer such a crime again, I'm really sad...
Then I told her about another thing I had encountered at work.
Some time ago, I received a letter from a person who had completed his sentence and expressed my gratitude to me for a conversation with him on the eve of his release from prison, and I remember that at that time, he said that the first thing he would do after he was released from prison was to go to a city and take revenge on the "enemy" who had "harmed" him in prison.
I asked, what about after the revenge? And then come back?
He replied that I didn't want to go to jail again, but I didn't want to let him go, because he had hurt me.
Many times, it is not others who have to convince people in the end, but themselves, and I then talk to him about cause and effect.
For example, if you go back to the root cause, or because of your fault that led to this prison disaster, his actions are only an inevitable consequence of this result, if there is no betrayal of him, can you avoid this punishment?
Maybe not, he thought, because he would still continue to do the business of stealing, often walking by the river, where there were not wet shoes.
If you go to get revenge on him, do you create a new cause, talk about intentional harm, that is not a joke.
He was silent.
Have your parents seen you?
Come every year, they are old and need to be taken care of.
What would they think if you were to go back to prison again?
They must not be able to accept it.
As for his betrayal, it is naturally his cause, and there will also be his effects, such as you going to take revenge, it is his effect, but you have planted the cause.
This kind of suffering is cyclical, you imagine, if you are sentenced again because of revenge, what your parents think is not mentioned for the time being, how to repay the grace of parenting can also not be mentioned, can you still accept the life of losing your freedom?
No, I can't accept it, but how can I forgive him.
You don't need to forgive him, you don't need to deliberately forgive him, what you have to do is accept the present and forgive yourself.
He thought about it.
After getting out of prison, how to do it, what to do is your life, others can not interfere, but I hope that every step you have to think clearly, and then take responsibility for your own choices.
After suffering injustice and harm, people can be calm and order can be restored, but the desire for revenge is often like a shadow, and we often feel that to forgive the person who hurts us is to indulge his evil deeds and allow him to behave in this way, so we must do something to let him be punished, in fact, this is not the case.
Once asked a prisoner who killed his lover and love enemy, do you think the revenge will be repaid?
No, it's painful, it's hard, it's self-blame, it's regretful.
Regret what?
I regret that when I first learned that I had suffered betrayal, I didn't control my emotions, and I didn't let myself go.
Let yourself go?
Yes, let go of yourself, in fact, if you don't love, you don't love, let yourself go, let him go, at least I can still have my life, pursue my dreams, love, there is still a possibility. But now, maybe the rest of my life will have to stay in prison, although now that I have accepted the reality, going to jail is to pay for the mistakes of the past, but if I accept the result earlier, will I have a better life?
I remember that there were two women in the martial arts I saw when I was a child, who were originally superb, intelligent, helpless to create people, they were all eaten by hatred, and their lives were destroyed, which made people sigh.
In "Absolute Double Glory", the Flower Palace invited the Lord of the Moon Palace to calculate for revenge, not only lost his life, but also killed his own sister.
The "female devil head" Li Mo in "Divine Eagle Hero" is kind in nature, helpless because of love and hate, his temperament has changed greatly, and he finally kills people like hemp, and his psychology is extremely twisted and perverted.
The two of them have no one to love in their lives, they don't know what it is, one is insane, one is buried in the fire, and finally ends up with a bad ending.
A study in psychology found that "unconditionally forgiving others" is far more conducive to physical and mental health than "retaliating against a person and causing him to fall into remorse", and more and more studies have shown that people with a tolerant heart can effectively reduce anxiety and depression, and at the same time help physical indicators such as blood pressure, heart rate and even physical pain. Chinese medicine also says: anger hurts the liver, sorrow overcomes fear, "Etiquette. "University" said: Rich run house, moral run body, heart wide body fat. That's all there is to it.
I think, why are those great monks and masters so compassionate and peaceful, why are those high-ranking people in the world so free and at ease, at least, they must have no hatred in their hearts, and naturally they do not have to take revenge.
Even if you can't let go for the time being, even if you choose revenge, at least you can be graceful, at least, don't destroy, don't hurt yourself, don't let things and situations get worse, don't force yourself into a desperate situation, and then fall into a catastrophe, don't let yourself be more painful, guilty and remorseful.
Forgiveness, first of all, should be a kind of freedom, a determination to stop dwelling on the past and let yourself be your own freedom.
Forgive the person who hurts himself, in order to get himself out of the field of being hurt, and no longer give the past hurt the opportunity to hurt himself continuously, so forgive, forgive yourself.
In psychological counseling, we often say, do not punish yourself with the mistakes of others, what we are talking about is the power and reason for forgiveness, because of hatred and day and night people sad, pain, anxiety, depression, tossing and turning repeatedly can not be at peace, these pains, every minute and every second is pointing and torturing themselves, if you choose revenge, it may bring greater harm and irreparable results, if you let it go, it seems to live in pain and can not extricate yourself.
Therefore, choosing to let go is not to forgive the person who hurt you, not to allow this behavior to happen again, but to vow compassion to forgive yourself, to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, to no longer blame yourself, to no longer blame yourself, to stop endless self-torture, to accept yourself and your situation now, so that you can be liberated. On this basis, let yourself gain peace and freedom of mind. In this way, we can get rid of the shadow and identity of the victim and find our own strength again.
Man's greatest power is to gain the freedom of choice, to choose to forgive and remember hate, to choose happiness and unhappiness, to choose to let go of this, to choose to continue to struggle, to choose to be happy, to choose to suffer.
Those who have regained their freedom can certainly make choices that are true to their hearts, and forgiveness is the greatest forgiveness for themselves.
After all, if it doesn't matter anymore, if you don't care, what else can you hurt yourself and stop your heart from continuing to look for happiness?
People who are released from prison return to society, together with their families, face life positively and optimistically, and people who have lost love find themselves and make themselves better, so that they can meet another better person who knows how to cherish.
When talking to the girl who was already in love and preparing for the wedding, "I am very grateful to him, without him, I will not grow, I will not mature, I will not meet the person who loves me now, in fact, I have forgotten him, the original angry self is actually quite ridiculous, but it is also true, perhaps, I have a good life, is the best revenge for him, but also the greatest forgiveness for myself." ”
Who says it's not?