The author | Pro-Dude
01
Recently, my friend was very unhappy: losing weight for more than half a month, suddenly out of control overeating.
She said that she belongs to the easy fat physique, but this time often overtime, hard to resist the temptation of supper, insisted on a few days, college classmates traveled to her city, several people gathered together to eat more than 3 hours of hot pot, and then went to the barbecue stall.
The next day the friend was annoyed.
"What to do? Am I being too indiscipline? Is there a good way to do it? She said with a frustrated look.
Me: Just eat less in the next two meals.
she:......
It's not that I don't care about myself and watch the fire from the other side, the state of my friend's weight loss is actually quite similar to my code word state.
For a long time, I have had quantitative requirements for myself, such as how many words to write per night, what tasks to complete, how many articles to write every week, how many words to accumulate, what to do every month... The arrangement is clear.
The advantage of this method is that the results are more stable, but the disadvantages are:
Once it doesn't happen, I fall into a situation of anxiety and depression.
I originally thought that to stick to one thing was to be tough on myself, to force myself to regularly and quantitatively hook up the plan. But in fact, this seemingly perfect way of execution is likely to make you gradually become depressed, and you can't lift your energy no matter how many times you are tense.
To do something for a long time, the important thing is not to run like a machine, but to find a way to reduce the difficulty of this thing, and to make it pleasant from time to time.
The goal is not set in stone, it is just a reference value, and it should be adjusted according to the real situation.
For example, if you lose weight according to the plan, why not eat a beautiful meal with friends? Can't always friends eat hot pot you eat lettuce salad next to you, right? You know that you have the ability to control your daily diet, eat less or no more at your next meal, consume calories, and no longer have a physical and psychological burden.
For example, taxi drivers, when the weather is good, run more orders, when the weather is bad, run a few less orders, there is no need to rain or have to run to the expected singular number, right?
Good states or bad states are the norm.
Excessive perfectionism tangled in a certain time less than expected, led into a vicious circle by negative emotions, and it is easy to make people miserable and finally lie flat and give up.
02
A former colleague of mine worked as a solution engineer at Huawei, and in the early days of joining the company, he often sighed in the group, saying that the pressure was greater than expected, and he used to have the habit of playing basketball every week, and now he doesn't say that he plays ball, and he often works at home.
Originally quit smoking and smoked again, the hairline gradually faded at a speed visible to the naked eye.
Later, I heard him complain less and less.
We thought he was too busy to talk in the group. What he later said was very true:
"The company's income is good, the benefits are good, the colleagues are very strong, I am growing very fast, and overall it is quite good." It seems that there is nothing hard work, and you can't always want all the benefits, right? ”
The negative news about Huawei in recent years has almost never stopped.
Layoffs, wolf nature, internal elimination, harshness on employees, more harsh on employees over the age of 35... However, in the face of various unfavorable factors, Huawei has bucked the current and the development momentum has always been stable and progressive.
If any company wants to achieve certain results, it will inevitably be accompanied by defects and irrationalities in the process of moving forward, but it must first face them squarely in order to firmly grasp the more critical things.
Facebook founder Zuckerberg says every system isn't perfect and has flaws.
"Instead of criticizing all these flaws, it's better to try to create a framework (to solve the problem) to be more practical."
There's nothing wrong with pointing out flaws, but it doesn't negate the system, not just Facebook, but any other company and system. Your specific behaviors and choices have brought you to where you are today, but the world around you is constantly evolving and you need to adapt. “
There is no perfect business, and there is no perfect job.
Taking a step back, is it useful to complain that the company is not good here and there?
Either accept or leave, while not willing to leave and then complaining hard, it belongs to the competition with yourself.
03
This is true for businesses, and it is true for individuals.
People who pursue perfection everywhere may not be able to do anything well.
Ren Zhengfei once said in an interview with CCTV: I am often scolded by my wife and daughter at home, this stupid to death and the stupid to death. My life is short, I only make a long board, I spell someone else's long board, and it is a high bucket.
Then he said: Perfect people are useless people. One look at this man's constant quest for perfection shows that he has no hope.
These words subvert the three views of many people.
Of course, we all hope to become excellent and change if there is a mistake, but people's energy is limited, and where your time is spent, it will take root and sprout. Do everything with perfectionism, and there will only be one result in the end -
There's nothing you can get your hands on.
I have been following a columnist from the print media for many years, who for many years only writes public accounts and Microblogs. Someone once advised him, you see now the self-media are playing the community, are doing social e-commerce, have begun to shoot videos, how do you still only know how to write articles?
He said, I'm really not good at doing that, that is, the text is still read by someone, so let's grind this craft.
This conversation took place about 3 years ago, and he is still the country's premier author in the field of life.
This is probably the truth: it is better to pursue everything than to concentrate on polishing the longboard that is most proud.
The technology is doing well, and not necessarily sales are doing well;
Operating an online store is very powerful, and it may not be able to do a good job in the entire supply chain;
If the content is done well, it is not necessarily possible to run a media company well.
There's no need to over-amplify the efficacy of the vent, you don't know if it's a trap or a pie. Maximizing the basis of one's own strengths is the right thing to do.
04
In fact, you demand too much perfection from yourself, and subconsciously, you will measure others by the same perfect standards.
A couple I know, the woman sometimes complains that her husband has not raised her salary for several years, and who has been promoted twice in the same department than her husband.
The man also feels that his wife is not as understanding as when he was in love, and the untrimmed edge looks a little sloppy, and the salary generally costs a lot.
The two often quarrel over trivial matters and count the shortcomings of the other party.
In fact, it is not that they have changed from each other, but that they have spent a long time together and naturally show the most real appearance. Since it is true, there must be a good side and a bad side.
I have always admired the attitude of Fu Seoul, the debater of "Strange Story", in his emotions and marriage.
There were two debates that impressed me.
The first time, it was to discuss "If my partner is bent on being a salted fish, should I accept ta or spur him on." ”
Fu Seoul said that he can accept that his partner is "salted fish", because his husband Lao Liu is a senior "salted fish" and has no goal. Lao Liu is an ordinary worker, and as the material conditions of the husband and wife improve, Fu Seoul has tried to spur Lao Liu, but with little effect.
She later realized that the reason why this "strong woman and weak man" marriage was so happy was that Lao Liu silently tolerated her excessive attitude towards life, and there was no complaint.
The second time was a debate about "whether the partner deserted in marriage, should not tolerate it".
Fu Seoul's view is that marriage is a choice, and the most valuable thing is not that we have chosen each other out of many choices, but that no matter how long it takes, we will still choose each other out of many choices.
"Married because of mutual needs, not separated because of constant mutual needs, how much he needs you will be more disciplined, so don't care, be tolerant." 」
We must turn ourselves into a person who has always been needed, raise the threshold of betrayal, grasp the big and let go of the small, in order to be happy until old age. ”
Frankly, this statement does not fit well with the traditional philosophy of many people. But countless people have said that after listening, they let go of their former obsessions.
No relationship is flawless, more or less frictional, but each other knows each other's bottom line and ideas in collision and communication, and begins to try to back down and understand, and accept imperfections.
There is no perfect partner, only a match.
Only such a relationship can be long-lasting.
05
It must be admitted that proper perfectionism is commendable, demanding of oneself, and easier to be recognized by others.
But don't tie the neckline too tightly.
Too much pursuit of perfection, even if you get a rose, you will only feel that the thorn is too prickly, and you will not feel the fragrance of flowers with joy.
Smart people know: there are no perfect people, no perfect jobs, no perfect partners. We weave through all kinds of shortcomings and limitations, laughing and reconciling with them.
Not fighting with yourself, moving forward in imperfection, this is probably another kind of pragmatic "perfectionism".
—END—
Author: Lin Gongzi. In the workplace, he has mixed with first-line Internet companies and is currently a senior product manager of a fortune 500 company; outside the workplace, he is a contracted author of workplace/financial platforms, a partner of a media company, and a real estate investor at home and abroad. Welcome to the headline number @ Pro Gongzi