The golden flower of the mother of middle age opened the hard life mode. On the one hand is the husband who has repeatedly cheated, on the other hand is the son with autism, moderate mental retardation, and seizures from time to time, half emotional and half responsible, how should she choose?
This story comes from the movie "Golden Flower", where the director uses the lens to interpret sorrow and suffering, and strives to express "the true meaning of reconciliation with pain." ”
There is such a shocking passage in the movie: when the autistic son Guangzai loses his temper, he slaps, stomps his feet, and grabs his father's arm fiercely! This plot is not exaggerated, and is completely based on the true story of the film's script consultant, Yu Runcheng, and his autistic son.
The 54-year-old Yu Runcheng is known as "Yu Daxia", and his son Jinghai is the prototype in the movie.
For Daxia, raising Jinghai is very difficult, and as children grow, each stage has to face different challenges, Daxia said, accompanying autistic children is like looking for hope in a hopeless situation. Although the process is very tiring, the moment the child calls his father, all the hard work is worth it.
No words, no communication, indifferent expression, always doing some repetitive strange movements, this is 1 and a half years old Jinghai.
The hero found that the performance of his own children and ordinary children was a little different, but the specific reasons could not be touched for a while, after all, none of the children of neighbors and relatives were like this. In that era of lack of online information, the hero felt very confused.
Later, when the child went to the mother and baby hospital for vaccination, he asked the doctor by the way, and the doctor did not respond to anything at that time, only said that he would wait until he was older. In this way, it dragged on to the age of 3, and it is still the same. It dragged on to 5 years old again, and it was still like this.
Therefore, the hero and his wife discussed that they must go to the big hospital for examination. When you arrive at the hospital, the doctor recommends taking your child for an assessment as soon as possible. The result of the assessment is that the diagnosis of autism is accompanied by mental retardation.
After getting the results, the couple's feelings were very complicated, but they were also relieved, and the mystery that had been hidden in their hearts for a long time finally had an answer.
As for the road behind, you can only see the tricks. As Robert Nassef famously said, "Special children, parental challenges." ”
Raising Jinghai is indeed a lot of things that need to be challenged for the Daxia family.
No.1 Dismissal from school
Jinghai studied in ordinary kindergarten for two years and was dissuaded. The reason is that he will always suddenly scream, frightening other children, and Jinghai's learning ability can not keep up, A, B, C, D, remember the last three will forget the first.
Therefore, the school gave a statement of dissuasion, and the hero family had to accept it, and then transferred to the special child care center, and after a year of reading, transferred to the special school, until now.
No.2 Inexplicable emotional bomb
"Our family was challenged almost twenty-four hours a day because we never knew when he would suddenly lose his temper."
The memory of ordinary people is linear, but the memory of an autistic child is very "jumping", he will suddenly remember the teacher praised him yesterday, he laughed happily, suddenly remembered something unhappy a few days ago, it will be sad, it is difficult to find the reason for his tantrums.
When Jing Hai was in a bad mood, he even slapped his own Heavenly Spirit Cover, drawing a half circle in mid-air and striking down, and his palm was strong. As the mother of "Golden Flower" said, "The most painful thing is for the son to beat himself." I saw the claw marks on his hands of varying shades, like the skin of a stranded whale on the shore.
"Jing Hai likes to scratch me with his fingernails, and when he catches me bleeding, I say softly, well, you have to learn to let go, otherwise in the future you will go outside and arrest people like this, and people will tie you up and take you to the hospital." 」
Although his arm was already in pain to tears, he still had to keep smiling in the face of Jinghai and lighten his tone before he slowly let go.
"Autistic kids are funny, and no matter what you do, just smile at him and he'll be more receptive. If you react and cry out in pain, he will feel too much fun and grasp and play harder."
Father and son have been together for a long time, and he will probably estimate Jinghai's mood.
"If he keeps making 'irritable noises' all day long, it could be a precursor to a storm of emotions."
In order to put out the fire in time, the hero must be ready to rush home at any time.
Once his wife suddenly called, saying that Jinghai was about to "explode emotionally", he immediately drove home, outside the door, he heard his wife crying and crying for help, the hall was full of devastation, all the objects fell to the ground, he rushed into the room, hurriedly hugged his son and controlled him, the consequences of a second later were unimaginable.
In addition to the child's emotional problems, the hero himself as a parent has also been tested.
He said that the bitterness of taking care of special children is difficult to share with others, and many parents take care of such children, which is easy to produce depression. And for the sake of his son, he endured the acute son, and also quit swear words, afraid that his son, who did not know how to speak, would be dirty words when he opened his mouth in the future.
Moreover, due to years of nervousness, he suffered from depression and panic disorder, and when the latter attacked, he would suddenly sweat profusely, as if playing a full football game, and he would go home immediately to rest. Sometimes he will be inexplicably depressed, and he can only rest at home without leaving home, but despite this, he does not dare to take more medicine, for fear that after taking psychiatric drugs, the whole person will be very sluggish and tired, and it will be difficult to take care of his son.
No.3 "Does he know that I'm his dad?"
"Frankly, I didn't know if he really knew who I was?" The communication between our father and son, except that when he was crying and making a fuss, he would scratch me, and nothing else."
And because of the relationship between work, the hero rarely has time to take care of him, so in the eyes of his son, only the mother has no father. Later, the hero found that the child's relationship with him was becoming more and more distant, so he quit his full-time job and worked part-time as a driver.
"At that time, I was late to work at the company, because when Jinghai got up, I had to send him to school and then go back to sleep. And because they still have young sons, they will hinder sleep, so they do not sleep well. When Jinghai was out of school, I went to pick him up again and play with him. And during that time, I began to try to take care of his daily affairs, help him bathe, clean up his bowels and defecations, and slowly let him know that there was a father."
I remember that there was a scene in the movie "Golden Flower", the autistic child Guangzai (Ling Wenlong) dragged his father Lu Liangwei with his hand, in fact, that shot is the real experience of the hero.
"I remember that time, I took Jinghai downstairs to play." He wouldn't have held my hand before, and that day, I suddenly felt a warmth coming from my hand. He actually took the initiative to drag my hand and called me Dad. I was so happy at that moment that my face was flushed, and my tears couldn't stop flowing, and at that moment I felt that all the effort i had put in before was worth it."
It took a few years to finally identify with his father's identity, and the hero was happy at that time.
No.4 Don't understand the rules of society, go out and make trouble
As the child grew older, Yu Daxia began to teach his son the rules of society. For example, train him to sit longer and try to be as quiet as possible in the restaurant. But reality always backfires. Once he was noisy outside, the hero quickly apologized to the people around him and explained that his son had autism, and then people would immediately be very polite!
"I often say that discrimination may stem from ignorance, but sometimes as long as you are willing to talk about it, people will understand." 」
Because Of Jinghai's loud noise, the neighbors all knew about his family's situation and were also understood, and sometimes when they saw him, they would take the initiative to talk: "Huh? Don't see your child, go to school!"
No.5 Generalized cramps occur
The doctor once told the hero that after the autistic child enters puberty, he may have a systemic cramp due to hormonal imbalance, so he should be as prepared as possible. Although we know in advance, the real face is two different things.
The hero looked at his son, cramping until his face turned black, rolling his eyes, all of which scared him to death, and there was nothing he could do. He had to tie his son up with a cushion to prevent him from being injured, "If he can't catch his last breath, he will theoretically suffocate." Thankfully, it was fine in the end.
In order to take care of his son, he gave up full-time to part-time, from working during the day to working at night, talking about whether he felt that he had made sacrifices for his son. He immediately dismissed the word "sacrifice" behind his father.
And said, "I just did what a dad should do!"
It is not easy to take care of a normal ordinary child, let alone a child with autism? Jinghai is currently studying at a special school, and Yu Daxia himself tries to regulate his emotions.
"I'm an expert in dealing with children, and I have all sorts of tricks to deal with difficulties. But to be strong, I still need to learn a lot."
Moreover, Yu Daxia hopes that through the movie "Golden Flower", more people can pay attention to and understand autistic people, and also hope that the social government will give more support.
Remember the British writer Thackeray once said: "Life is a mirror, you laugh, it laughs; You cry, it cries. ”
Therefore, even if the road of life is full of thorns, we must get out of the bustling scenery in the desolation!