Qian Zhongshu wrote in "The Siege of the City": "The people who are surrounded by the city want to escape, the people who stand outside the city want to rush in, whether it is marriage or career, most of the desires of life are like this." ”
For love, for marriage, we often use "cherishing" to persuade others and persuade ourselves.
Because we all know that there are too many uncertainties about the future. Even if two people fall in love today and vow to live a lifetime, tomorrow they may part ways.
But most people are like this, it is easy to get used to it when they have it, and once they get used to it, they will feel that the things they have are very ordinary, and over time they will ignore their importance.
Just like in marriage, when two husband and wife live together, they don't feel how important the other person is. On the contrary, because of the ordinary and trivial life, they will slowly begin to dislike the people around them and get tired of their marriage.
When we are rejected by the other party, we will feel that we are not needed, that we are superfluous people. Since this is the case, then when encountering things, the other party will definitely be unreliable.
But at that point, you will know that this is not the case.
Advise people in marriage not to wait for widows to understand that the most reliable person is the person around you who "hates" you the most.
Nietzsche once said, "Marriage is not happy, not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of friendship." ”
You think that being rejected by the other party is the unhappiness of marriage, but you don't know that all you see is a superficial illusion.
Maybe the other party has shown disgust for you in some words and deeds, but if you let you explore the other party's heart, in fact, you will find that he will treat you like that, but he regards you as his dearest and most loved person, so he will be the most real self around you without scruples.
Just like many couples in marriage, before getting married, all they see is each other's strengths, but once they are married, they see each other's shortcomings.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said: "Love, if you don't let the other party see the most beautiful side of you, is the ugliest side; and marriage, but let the other party see the most real side of you." 」 ”
Since it is the most authentic side, then in marriage, no one can be perfect, whether in personality, habits, or lifestyle, there will always be something that the other party does not like, or even hate.
In this way, it is normal for you to be disliked by the other party in some aspects.
But we also need to know that disgust is not just not love, nor does it mean not wanting to live with you. If you are in trouble, or if there is something unhappy, he will still stand by your side and resist all the harm for you.
In the past, the parents of a colleague were like this, and the two people had some personalities that were not compatible, and their interests and hobbies were not the same. My father loved sports and would go out for a run whenever he had time. My mother likes to be quiet and likes to raise some flowers and plants at home.
At that time, the parents of colleagues would hate each other, the father always said that life lies in sports, but the mother said that raising flowers and grass can cultivate self-cultivation. Neither of them could convince each other, so they hated each other like that, and sometimes mixed a few words.
Later, my father accidentally fell while running and was admitted to the hospital. He thought that his wife would talk about himself, but he did not expect that from that day on, his wife never said a word of disgust and attack on him, but silently guarded him and let him rest assured.
After this time, my father truly understood that the most reliable person was the person around him who hated him the most.
Listening to colleagues talk about his parents' stories, I think his parents actually have a good relationship and are very lucky. Although they didn't want to see each other before that, fortunately, after this accident, they both learned to cherish each other and finally learned the importance of each other.
In life, the luckiest thing is this, I know how to cherish, and you are still around, so that I have the opportunity to make up.
There is a sentence in "Letter to Juliet": "Love and marriage are like picking up shells, don't pick up the biggest and most beautiful, pick up your favorite and most suitable, and don't go to the beach when you pick it up." ”
We often have the misconception that we always feel that what we have is average, and the best is always next. So we continue to search, to pursue, and in the end we find that it is all an emptiness, and it turns out that what we once had is the most beautiful and unforgettable.
The same is true between husband and wife, many times we will envy other people's marriages, envy others who are luckier than ourselves, and meet a good partner. So we begin to dislike our partners and begin to ignore our marriages.
Marriage is most afraid of the ordinary, life is not good, not bad, not painful, not itchy, you will never find the good of the people around you.
Only after experiencing strong winds and waves and encountering misfortunes can you experience the appearance of happiness, that is, now.
If you understand this truth, the people around you have left, and at that time, no matter how painful and sad you are, you will not be able to turn back time, and the person who rejects you will never come back.
There are no unhappy marriages, only unhappy couples.
Those unfortunate couples are because they usually do not cherish.
Don't wait for widows to understand that the most reliable people are the people around you who "hate" you the most. Don't wait until you want to cherish it, but you have no chance.