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In the process of interacting with people, it is easy for us to "get into the drama too deeply", think too much about one thing, if you "stay out of the matter", you observe yourself again, and the "role" you play in each relationship is different.
When you are a parent, you will instruct your child, and you want him to deal with things the way you do, because you feel that you are helping him, and sometimes this kind of help is not what he wants in the child's eyes, so he feels that you are forcing him, "harming him".
Forced by the change of real situation, your role will also change, in order to coordinate a relationship you may be pulled by two people in the relationship to be the referee, but no matter which side wins, you can't completely retreat.
In all mental games, everyone has three kinds of characters in their bodies, and with the transformation of realistic stimuli, your role will also change, which is the triangle mode in psychological games, and the more powerful people will use this game rules.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="11" > triangular pattern of mental games: persecutor, victim, savior</h1>
This psychological triangle model was discovered by Kampmann, a famous American psychology doctor, in years of psychological research, and he believes that these three roles will exist in every relationship.
These three characters form a stable triangle pattern, the transitions between each role are mutual, the characters are not stable, and if you look closely, you will find that you are not playing the same role at all times.
Sometimes the role you play is not solely aimed at other people in society, that is to say, the role's force will also react to yourself, if you have not considered the impact on yourself, then you can easily ask for it.
In one relationship, you long for someone to save yourself, in another you want someone else to accept your help, you want to save him, and in another relationship you cause some harm to someone else or yourself.
The triangular pattern in interpersonal relations proposed by German psychologist Bowen is also an extension of this, and he believes that the existence of interpersonal triangle patterns can suppress a person's development and exert certain external pressure on him.
If you use the triangle pattern in interpersonal relationships correctly, you can create more favorable opportunities for your own development, and if you use them incorrectly, it is easy to cause interpersonal relationships to be unable to maintain balance, and then put yourself in prison.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="18" > the use of trigonometric patterns in interpersonal relationships</h1>
1. How to use the triangle mode to "get out of danger" when you are in prison
When we were young, after we had conflicts with our friends or family, we would always find someone to judge and see who was right and who was wrong, because in this relationship, it was difficult to "get out of danger" when both people were reasonable and evenly matched.
Exactly who is right and who is wrong is not a single statement of these two people in the relationship can be determined,
Hoping to be a victim and others being persecutors, so that the victim becomes the party of reason, they can get out of the predicament, and this phenomenon is also extremely common in interpersonal communication.
When you're in prison in a relationship, don't panic too much, you need to find a savior to share the tension in the relationship for you, and this savior is not necessarily a person or a thing. Even if you can't really solve the problem, the pressure you are under in the relationship can be shared, and when we were young, we were often torn between the quarrels of our parents, and the parents let you judge that you were sharing the pressure of two people.
There is also a common situation where you can say that you have a job to do at this time in order to refuse a warm offer from a friend or family, so this also constitutes a triangular pattern: work, relatives and friends, you.
In any case, if you find a balance between disputes and relationships, you need to intervene in the "third party", and the stability of the triangle is obvious to everyone.
2. Bystander perspective: Beware of being instrumentalized by others in the triangle mode
In the aforementioned contradiction between parents, the child becomes a tool, a constraint of the external environment, but no matter what choice the child makes, it will offend the other party.
In fact, this is quite normal, after all, parents themselves know that this will make children very difficult, the aforementioned escape is not to let you find a scapegoat, but to let you find a balance point in the relationship.
Then some people will use this relationship to deliberately look for things that restrict your development in the external environment, and this intentional constraint requires you to be more defensive, they are just looking for a tool to get themselves on the right track.
At the same time, you will not consider the life and death of this tool, if you accidentally become someone else's tool or are deliberately constrained by others, then it is not a good thing for your development.
However, some people's restrictions are not intentional, some people's restrictions are deliberate, the so-called harmful heart can not be, the heart of prevention must not be without, for the sake of interests, people will sometimes be unexpectedly dark. In the workplace, this kind of conditioning is the most common, selfishness is human nature, be careful of being instrumentalized by others.
3. Butterfly effect: the action and reaction force of the triangular pattern
Some people will deliberately pull a person into a relationship, and then think that this will achieve their goals, he thinks that he is a savior, saving his own destiny, and if he does not know that if he is wrong, he is doing his own evil.
As mentioned earlier, the three roles of the triangle pattern are not stable, they can be transformed into each other, and many times people will be trapped by self-righteousness.
In fraud cases, many victims try to change themselves through this way, and they will not deepen their consideration in the face of the good things that fall from the pie in the sky, which is exactly what the fraudsters have.
In all criminal cases, each persecutor shows dissatisfaction with reality and tries to save his or her fate by other means, so the victim becomes a tool for balancing themselves with reality.
They exert a certain amount of pressure and influence on the victims, in a vain attempt to change the fate cast by their own choices and personalities through changes in the external environment, which not only does not cure the symptoms, but also makes them punished more.
Therefore, at some point, do not change your own destiny through changes in the external environment, this is not a feasible way, and the contradiction between yourself and reality will often not change by relying only on the role of the triangular model.
The effects of force are also mutual, and the pressure you exert on others also sets the stage for your subsequent ending, just like the Taoist Tai Chi diagram, the cycle of cause and effect does not stop, and many times you are your own cause, but you still do not know it.
- The End -
Author | Tang Mi Da
Edit | A grain of rice
The First Psychological Writer Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Moreland, R; Beach, S. (1992). Exposure effects in the classroom: The development of affinity among students. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology Volume 28, Issue 3, May 1992, Pages 255-276.
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