I wonder if you will have such a situation? In intimate relationships, you always feel that communication is not smooth, and you always feel that the other party cannot understand you. Obviously it was normal communication, and as I talked, I quarreled.
Why is communication between the sexes always not as smooth as communication between the same sex? Have you thought about this? Because there are different gender dialects between the sexes, when we understand the gender dialects between the sexes and accept the differences between the two, we can cross this gap and achieve communication.
Deborah Tynan, author of "Understand the Other Half," is a well-known American sociolinguistic who analyzes the essential differences in gender communication. This difference has nothing to do with the depth of feelings, but it has caused many misunderstandings and made both parties feel aggrieved.
Tynan will tell you that by understanding the causes and manifestations of this difference, you will have a deeper and more comprehensive understanding of what the other half is thinking and feeling.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="11" >01</h1>
Linda and Josh are a couple, and her husband Josh invites old friends to the house for a weekend, and when he tells Linda, Linda gets angry. She felt that she was on a business trip for a week, and her husband did not accompany her, but went out with old friends. Mainly, this decision was not discussed by her.
Linda consults josh about her weekend plans, and she feels that josh doesn't respect and understand her. What she needs more is intimacy. But Josh explained: "I can't tell my friends that I have to get my wife's consent." "If you want to get his wife's consent, it means that he has no freedom of independent action."
Linda was sad that she felt that the intimate relationship between the two men had not reached what she had in mind; while Josh was sad that Linda was controlling him and restricting his freedom.
Male dialogue is equivalent to negotiation, and maintaining the upper hand in negotiation protects oneself from being suppressed and manipulated by others. Women's conversation is more of a negotiation, in order to get a close relationship, in the negotiation to find affirmation and support, and reach an agreement.
In intimate relationships, independence is also needed, while women need intimacy more and men are more concerned about independence. If a bunch of lovers don't understand this, if they don't communicate well, it's easy to blow the wind.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="56" >02 What one party conveys is not equal to what one party receives</h1>
A communication that begins with a conversation and ends with an argument
Husband: I'm really tired and didn't sleep well last night.
Wife: I haven't slept well, I always don't sleep well.
Husband: What are you comparing to?
Wife: I didn't! I'm just trying to make you understand, I understand your feelings.
Such misunderstandings are particularly prone to occur between the sexes. What women want to express is: "I understand how you feel, and I feel the same way." But what the husband receives is: "You are belittling my experience by comparison." ”
The husband feels that the wife is denying the particularity of his feelings, depriving him of certain rights, he wants to maintain his independence, and he distorts the wife's intention to contact him. For a wife, the purpose of conversation is to interact, and listening is a way to show interest and concern.
When we understand the differences between the sexes, we can also understand why what one party often conveys is not equal to what the other receives.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="59" >03 Understand gender speech, accept differences, and understand others to understand themselves better</h1>
In "Understand the Other Half," Tynan says that women use a language about relationships and intimacy, while men use a language about status and independence. Such a dialogue between the sexes is a cross-cultural flow, because of gender factors, which lead to collisions and victims.
In intimate relationships, it is almost impossible to discharge the effects of gender-induced different responses. Every step we take in our communication is based on a position determined by social and gender attributes.
To make communication smoother for both sexes, experts have told us to change the way we communicate. Tynan believes that learning how to interpret each other's messages and interpreting your own information in a way that your partner can understand and accept is a more realistic way to do so.
When we realize that we and our partner have different conversation styles, we begin to accept the difference and stop blaming ourselves, our partner, or the relationship. Understand others, understand yourself better, and let yourself achieve the goal of smooth communication in intimate relationships.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="60" > summary:</h1>
The book "Understanding the Other Half" analyzes the different purposes of dialogue between the two sexes from the differences between the two sexes. Whether male or female, intimacy is a very important part of a person's interpersonal network, how to communicate, and what kind of an intimate relationship we have.