Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching says, "It is the teaching of the saints who do nothing and do what they do." "Good tutoring and door style require parents to lead by example, teach by example, and use their own words and deeds to dominate their children, such behavior is better than a thousand words."
As the saying goes: "The son does not teach, the father's fault", if our children are not instrumental, every day is wrong, the performance is very uncultured, others will never say that the teacher is not well educated when they accuse, nor will they say that the little partner has brought him bad, only to say:
"This kid is not well tutored!"
"Where there is a father, there must be a son, and where there is a mother, there must be a daughter!"
"Not a family, not a door, a virtue for the whole family!"
A child will never succeed for no reason, although their parents say "no deliberate education, just go with the flow", but people's silent efforts in children's habits, personality, and character are invisible to others.
A child will not become out of the woods for no reason, and looking around will certainly find the root cause from his family and parents.
In the final analysis, how far a child can go in the future has nothing to do with grades, has nothing to do with parents' financial ability and family situation, what matters is tutoring and door style.
First, the fight for the father is not the position of power, but the teaching of words and deeds
Some people say that this is an era of spelling daddies, many people fight daddies just for the sake of "money", fight for family financial resources, fight for power positions, so "spelling daddy" does not sound like a good word.
But from another point of view, education is also spelling father and mother, but it is not fighting for wealth and power, but for the words and deeds of parents.
In the recent hit TV series "In the Name of the People", there are many feelings about the different tutors of the two characters, one is Chen Hai, the director of the Anti-Corruption Bureau, and the other is Zhao Ruilong, the son of the provincial party secretary.
Chen Hai was born into an old revolutionary family, his father Chen Yan was an old revolutionary, he had been a soldier on the front line, he falsely reported that he was two years old in order to grab the explosive package, and as a result, he lost the treatment of deputy minister because of this two years old, but he never complained to anyone.
After retirement, Elder Chen sold the house divided by the state, donated the money, and then lived in a nursing home at his own expense.
Although retirement, he still exerts his residual enthusiasm and does justice for the people.
In such a family atmosphere, Chen Laoyan taught by example, and the teaching of his son Chen Hai was to love the party and the people, and to be upright in life. Chen Hai graduated from university and entered the Anti-Corruption Bureau, becoming an upright bureau chief of the anti-corruption front.
Good tutoring and door style, so that Chen Hai has a correct outlook on life, walking the right path in the world, the future is bright.
Zhao Ruilong's father is the secretary of the provincial party committee, a senior veteran party member, when he was in power, he sought personal interests for his son, took care of everywhere, and took shortcuts step by step. Even when he retreated to the second line, he often called his subordinates and gave him special care, hoping that his son would have a good future.
He gave the green light to his son's greed all the way, and the result of the green light was to let his son fall deeper and deeper.
Different tutors and door styles have given the two different life trajectories, and although Chen Hai accidentally lay in the hospital, he has a good reputation. Although Zhao Ruilong is worth hundreds of millions, he is like a street rat that everyone shouts and beats.
Good tutoring and door style will guide children to a better future, whether it is bumpy or tortuous, the direction is correct. The wrong orientation can lead the child astray, or even the road of no return.
There is a proverb in the Augmentation of the Sages:
"Bamboo shoots become bamboo because of falling baskets, and fish are dragons for running."
Bamboo shoots become bamboo because they have dropped layers of skin, and fish have the opportunity to become jackie chan because of their travel experience.
Only good family education can cultivate excellent talents.
Second, good tutoring and door style determine the future of children
Some people say that tutoring and door style are the biggest family assets.
Good tutoring and door style are potential stocks, which will make children enjoy life in the future society. Establishing a good tutoring and door style is the richest wealth of a family, and future generations are inexhaustible.
Throughout the ancient and modern Chinese and foreign countries, the influence of tutoring and door style on children is immeasurable.
In the late Qing Dynasty, zeng guofan, an official and a well-to-do family.
But he educated his children, and all of them were the same as those of the hanshi, and they could become great instruments; if they were tainted with the habits of wealth and nobility, it would be difficult to hope for success.
Although the family conditions were superior, Zeng Guofan raised his children poorly, intending to cultivate their independence and not rely on the family to rely on themselves.
As a result, the children of the Zeng family have become mature.
Such a long-term and prosperous home is rare in ancient and modern China and abroad.
The reason for this is attributed to Zeng Guofan's godson Youfang.
No matter how busy zeng guofan is at work, he never forgets to educate his children.
Zeng Guofan has the habit of writing family letters, it is said that Zeng Guofan wrote no less than 253 family letters in 1861 alone, through the writing of family letters to continue to educate his brothers and children, under the words and deeds of Zeng Guofan, the descendants of the Zeng family are born.
Zeng Guofan left a sixteen-character famous saying:
Family frugality is prosperous, people are diligent and healthy,
Can be diligent and thrifty, never poor.
That's what he said, and he did even more.
He asked his eldest son to get up every morning before dawn to sweep the courtyard, and then go back to his room to practice a thousand words, the first of which was "thrifty."
While eating, once he encountered grain with a shell, his son picked it out and put it on the table.
Zeng Guofan saw that he didn't say anything, but silently picked it up and peeled off the shell and ate the rice inside.
The influence of teaching by example is naturally better than that of words,
A simple action, no need to talk at length, or even a word, let the child understand the principle of "every grain is hard".
Zeng Guofan took care of every opportunity every day, from morning to night, worked diligently, never slackened off, and set a good example for his children. The main official documents are self-approved and self-drafted, and rarely fake others. In his later years, he was blind in his right eye and still persevered every day. His diary did not stop until a day before his death.
Educating people first correct themselves, parents' words and deeds are children's examples, good tutoring and door style, to give children a good growth environment, in order to let children do something, into the society in order to have great achievements.
Third, good tutoring and door style is to boldly say love to children
Liang Qichao, along with Wang Guowei, Chen Yinke, and Zhao Yuanren, was known as the "Four Great Mentors" of the Institute of Chinese Studies of Tsinghua University in the 1920s and 1930s.
Not only that, Liang Qichao taught by example and cultivated carefully, and his sons and daughters have achieved success in their careers, creating a legend of "one discipline and three academicians, all talents" that is difficult to copy in modern times. It can be called "the first person to teach in China".
Liang Qichao's 9 children later became outstanding talents:
Architect Liang Sicheng, archaeologist Liang Siyong, astronaut Liang Sili, poetry research expert Liang Sishun, artillery colonel Liang Sizhong, librarian Liang Sizhuang, economist Liang Sida, social activist Liang Siyi, revolutionary soldier Liang Sining.
In the memory of Chinese tradition, the father was always silent and dedicated, like an old cow pulling a cart in the wind and rain, or a lonely man crouching in the corner.
But Mr. Liang is different, his love for the child, out of the heart, shaped all the ink, so that the children really feel the strong father's love.
In his family letter, Liang Qichao referred to his children as "my baby Sishun", "little baby Zhuang Zhuang", "the good obedience of those two not very precious", "big children and small children" and so on.
He once confessed in a letter to the children:
You must know that your father is the most emotional person, and for your love, twelve points of enthusiasm...
He's not just a father who just talks about it, he's an action-oriented father.
The eldest daughter, Liang Sishun, went into exile with him in Japan, and because he could not find a suitable school, he personally taught reading, and sometimes even corrected his daughter's composition until the early hours of the morning. After the economic situation was slightly better, in order to cultivate his daughter's interest in natural sciences, he also set up a laboratory at home.
The eldest son, Liang Sicheng, was tireless in learning, and Liang Qichao was particularly worried about his health, and he had to inquire every time he wrote a letter. He also said to Si cheng:
You are not as strong as your brothers and sisters, and you should make extra efforts to remedy it yourself, and if you use too much force to cut off the future health and happiness, this is not a big deal.
In addition, the husband gave each of the nine children a unique nickname:
Liang Qichao wanted to make sure that they could all feel the love of their father, and that they all felt that they were a special one in their father's heart. He gave his eldest daughter Si Shun the nickname "Big Baby" and "My Favorite Child", the third daughter Si Yi was nicknamed "Sima Yi" by him, and the younger son Si Li's code name was "Old White Nose" (the harmonic pronunciation of old baby).
To his second daughter, Liang Sizhuang, he wrote in a letter:
"Little Baby Zhuangzhuang: I think you are very much, so I framed this proud work into this exquisite and exquisite hand scroll and sent it to you..."
Such a warm Liang Qichao, we certainly can't imagine, but as a father writing to his daughter, we can fully understand this feeling.
Fourth, good tutoring and door style, teach children to be loyal and stay
Zi Yue: "Moral heirlooms, more than ten generations, cultivation and reading heirlooms, poetry and books next, rich and noble heirlooms, but three generations." ”
However, the Kang family in Gong County, Henan Province, has continued for more than 400 years.
To be precise, the Kang family began to establish the first small shop in Kangdian Village during the Jiajing period of the sixth generation kang Shaojing in the 16th century, and by the 18th generation of Kang Tinglan, the beginning of the Chinese land reform movement, a total of 12 generations have been passed down, which can be called the longest-lived family business in Chinese history.
The Kang family advocates farming and reading, and the children of the Kang family are well educated. The family motto of the Kang family to educate their children and grandchildren is:
Make friends with a bad heart, and reward a good job with a willingness to give in,
Daily use of thrift, practice of gratitude,
May men despise me, and do not let men guard against my deception,
The foolishness of the predecessors is beyond the reach of the wisdom of the future generations,
Loyalty is more than enough.
This family motto is intended to warn the descendants of the Kang clan,
In the process of doing business and making friends, do not seek to benefit yourself in everything,
Strive to achieve a certain degree of balance of interests,
Leave a surplus to maintain the continued stability of the business relationship;
In daily communication, we must know how to be humble and give in to maintain the harmony of interpersonal relationships;
We must learn to be meticulous and thrifty;
The descendants of the family must "do not think of the favor, and do not forget the favor."
Even if you let others look down on your own stupidity, you can't let them be wary of their own ingenuity and act on their own feet.
Although "cunning" can deceive people for a while and seek temporary benefits, it will not last long;
Although "humble sincerity" may suffer losses in a short period of time, it can win the trust of others, cultivate integrity, and establish a solid foundation for life and career.
In just over 70 words, what is contained is the great wisdom of the Kang Million Family to leave behind and be loyal to the family.
One of the famous Chinese plaques, the Remaining Plaque, is the treasure of the town garden of Kang Million Manor, and the "Residual Plaque" reads:
Leave more than enough, not exhaustively to return the creation;
Leave a surplus, and return the court to the court;
Leave a surplus, and return the people with endless wealth;
Leave more than enough, and the blessings will be fulfilled to return the children and grandchildren
……
Let people take a step, have their own room;
Lincai relaxes by one point, and has its own aftertaste.
The 174-character "Leave The Remainder" plaque is to educate future generations not to exhaust all benefits to their own, but to let people take a step forward, relax a point in the future, maintain the harmony of the relationship between man and society and nature, and know how to stop at the right time.
For more than 400 years, under the influence of family training, most of the descendants of the Kang family have been upward and kind, diligent and studious, thus maintaining the continuous prosperity of the family.
Educating people first correct themselves, parents' words and deeds are always children's role models, good tutoring and door style, to give children a good growth environment, in order to let children do something, into the society in order to have great achievements, affect a lifetime.