Invited expert of "Parents Hall": Teacher Zhao Yi
American Child Mental Health Consultant, California Marriage and Family Licensed Therapist, is very familiar with the psychological and emotional development of children aged 0 to 5 years old, and is good at hosting parenting workshops, parent-child interactive counseling courses, educator emotional support groups, and parent emotional support groups.
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Tintin's story
"I want my dad!" A crying child's voice came up from downstairs. "I still want my dad!" It was the voice of an adult woman.
I heard a noise from the principal's office and saw a three-year-old girl named Tintin, crying so hard that she couldn't catch her breath, and next to her stood her angry female teacher. The teacher saw my inquiring eyes, gritted her teeth and said, "Here's for you to deal with, she beat other children, this is the third time this week." As soon as the words fell, she disappeared like a gust of wind.
It's a job I face almost every day. Teachers have so much work to do, when a child has a conflict with someone else or loses his temper, I am the "rescuer" that teacher moves in to save the emergency.
This little friend named Tintin was a new student, and I wasn't quite familiar with her personality. I decided to start by adjusting her emotions. I sat down next to her and whispered to her, "Do you need tissues?" Wipe your nose or tears? She nodded and said, "Hmm. I took a box of tissues for her, and she smoked a few, blew her nose exaggeratedly, and wiped her tears. I pointed to a pocket dumpster next to me. She walked over on her own and threw a tissue.
Seeing that she had calmed down, I took her to a place away from the crowds. "Tell me what's wrong?" I asked softly. The little guy's language skills were good, and she spoke in a squeamish voice for fifteen minutes.
Finally got things straight: Tintin was good friends with the little girl, and they held hands every day and ran around the playground (good friends of this age looked like this). Today her good friend took the hand of another girl, and in Tintin's eyes, this "third party" is a crying slug, not worthy of her girlfriend's "empathy". So she harshly criticized her girlfriend's Elsa skirt for looking weird, not genuine. The way she spoke reminded me of the jealousy and meanness of adult women.
At this moment, I was a little sad – how fragile people are! Worried about being abandoned and hurt by the people we like, we learn from an early age how to hide our inner sadness, jealousy, and anger, and use criticism and fighting to avoid the true expression of these soft emotions.
So, with my mature and calm heart, I held Tintin's slightly heavy emotions and gently told her: "Your good friend holds hands with a girl you don't like, and you are worried that she will no longer be a good friend with you, you are a little angry, or sad, right?" She suddenly looked up into my eyes and nodded deeply. I watched her listen and seize the opportunity to educate her social skills.
Me: "Tintin, what do you do when someone hits you and hurts you?" ”
Tintin: "I'll tell the teacher." ”
Me: "That's right! You can also put your hands forward, palms outwards, and fingers up, and say stop. "Like this, I demonstrated.
Tintin raised his small hand, imitated me, and said, "Stop! ”
Me: "Very good. So what do you do when you're angry? ”
Tintin pursed his small mouth, his face full of displeasure.
Me: "You use your expression to tell me you're not happy, you can still say 'I'm not happy', you know?" ”
Tintin: "I'm not happy. ”
Me: "Okay. So, what if you don't like a person? ”
Tintin: "I don't know." ”
Me: "Then do you want to hear what I do?" ”
Tintin: "Well, good! ”
Me: "I usually turn my head and walk away. "I used two fingers, pretending to be the legs of a little man, and walked away. Tintin walked away with two fingers as I did, and she smiled happily, showing her tiny teeth.
Me: "Awesome! And when you want to hold someone's hand? ”
Tintin held out her two small fleshy hands.
I smiled at her and said, "Well, you can still say, 'Shall we hold hands?'" At the same time hold out your hand and smile. ”
Tintin immediately smiled and said, "Sister, can we hold hands?" ”
I took her little hand in my hand and said happily, "What a drop!" Tintin, you learn so fast! ”
When I took Tintin back to the playground to join the outdoor activities of other children, she flew like a small swallow, "chu~". At the other end of the playground, she tilted her head sideways, smiled and said something to her "girlfriend" and held out her small hand. Her "girlfriend", taking her hand, ran away around the playground, giggling happily.
After reading the above case "Tintin's Story", we all know that Tintin is actually unhappy that his good friend is playing with other children, so what should the mothers do at this time? Teacher Zhao came to tell you:
Why is Tintin unhappy? What to do with mom
I bowed my head and pondered: the rules of human interaction are actually very simple, but different societies, different communities, different cultures, have their own rules. In the United States, one of the important rules is respect for people, no matter how big that person is. American infant and young child education advocates respect for babies, even changing diapers to greet them, introduce them to the process, remind them that wet tissues are a bit cool. This is respect and care for vulnerable groups, emphasizing that even if infants and young children cannot express their grievances and demands in words, as caregivers need to consider their needs.
How did my respect for Tintin manifest myself in my interactions with Tintin?
1 Inquiry
"Do you need tissues?" Instead of reaching for a tissue to wipe her snot from tears. It's giving her the right to choose, allowing her to say "need" or "not need" and letting her decide whether or not to wipe her nose with a tissue. When a child cries, we allow them to release their emotions and energy without closing the floodgates of her emotions prematurely with tissues.
2 Pour Listen
"Tell me what's wrong?" Invite her to share her experiences and opinions instead of telling her right away what she did wrong. Even if the adults witness the whole process of the matter, we must give the children the opportunity to "appeal".
3 approved emotions
From Tintin's perspective, I understood the motivations and emotional states of her actions and confirmed the authenticity of her emotions. Human emotions are normal and acceptable, and we need to set an example for children how to accept themselves, including their own emotions.
Finally, I help Tintin realize that "turning your head and walking away" is sometimes a form of respect: respecting your friends has the right to choose friends, has the freedom to associate with others, and has his own will.
Let's speak
Parents, friends and preschool educators, what do you think? What other way to show respect for your child? How do you teach your child to respect yourself and others?
【Comment on the Rules of Winning】
Congratulations to "Jessica_zhao" for winning the event prize on Wednesday, December 2: "Another World Fairy Tale Journey 1: The Wishing Spell"
1. As of 8pm that night, the top 5 comments received the most likes entered the selection. Parents' House will select one of the winners and announce their names in the first article of the morning issue the next day. 2. The same ID can only be awarded once a week. Prizes will be sent uniformly after the end of the event. Please wait.
Good gifts today
Otherworldly Fairy Tale Journey 1: The Wishing Spell
A new classic of children's literature that combines blood, curiosity and warmth
Introduction to this book
Author: [Beauty] Chris Colfer / By Qian Feng / Translation
Price: 39.80 RMB (all two volumes)
Publisher: Jiangsu Phoenix Literature and Art Publishing House
Description: Alex and Connor are twin siblings who receive an old fairy tale book on their twelfth birthday. The brothers and sisters fall into the fairy tale book and cross into the fairy tale kingdom, a world where fairy tales continue. In order to go home, the brothers and sisters began a fairy tale kingdom adventure, met many fairy tale characters who were familiar with since childhood, and the story of Snow White and Cinderella who grew up continued...
Reasons for recommendation
The work of The American genius post-90s writer Chris Colfer, the new York Times bestseller list, is a set of fantasy masterpieces that are more realistic than Harry Potter and more bloody than The Chronicles of Narnia! Fairy tales that adults can also read!
Help you be a better parent
Escort 0~10 years old baby growth
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