Psychologist Harriet Braiker says that most people who please others have reached the point where they can't control themselves to please others, sacrifice themselves, and become addicted to the recognition and appreciation of others.
Children's education issues are not only related to their future studies, achievements, and life height, but also closely related to their personality, conduct, personality, etc.
Growing up, children from different educational backgrounds may have a flattering personality in the future due to a long-term small act by their parents or relatives and friends around them.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" > children are often criticized by their mothers, their personalities become cautious and cautious, their mothers are happy, and their relatives are worried</h1>
Xinxin's mother is a personality that has always been one and the same, from small to large, as long as the child makes a mistake, regardless of size, she will be unilaterally criticized.
At the beginning, Xinxin children would also refute their mothers with a few words, and then they looked at themselves even if they refuted them, but also made their mothers more angry.
So he gradually gave up resistance, so that every time he was criticized later, whether he was wrong or not, he first admitted his mistake.
In the long run, he has developed a cautious and cautious personality, and mistakes are rarely made. Xinxin's mother was very happy about this, and everyone praised her child for being obedient and sensible.
However, when she told her relatives about the child's performance, one of the relatives who was a kindergarten teacher heard it and couldn't help but tell her that the child may have a flattering personality, and it is still necessary to pay attention to the way the child is educated in the future.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > "flattering personality" is the same</h1> thing
Regarding the flattering personality, in fact, there is no such concept in psychology, but the "flatterer" and the "high self-monitoring personality" are closer to it.
Pleaser: An individual who puts the needs of others first and does his best to please others other than himself. —Psychologist Braiker, H.
High self-monitoring personality: also known as onion personality, even if it is peeled off layer by layer, there is no core, and the trait has no self-personality. —Harvard Psychologist Brian Little
From the essence of the above definition, it can be seen that the flattering personality has three characteristics:
1. Sensitive
The flattering personality has a sensitive trait, they will always pay attention to the emotional changes of others, and once they perceive that the other party has any negative emotions, they all think that they have a lot to do with themselves, so that they are worried.
This over-interpretation of sensitivity can lead them into the habit of pleasing others, satisfying others, and focusing on others in everything.
2. Will not refuse
The flattering type is basically not very good at saying "no" and it is difficult to reject others.
Once others make a request with themselves, even if it is very difficult for themselves, they will not easily refuse, and do their best to complete, and after not completing the requirements of others, they will have a deep sense of guilt and desperately apologize to the other party.
In the heart of the pleaser, there will be a deep sense of "unworthiness", not worthy to reject others, thinking that rejecting others will make them receive negative evaluations, dislikes, alienation, etc.
3, there is no principle
In the mind of the personality of the pleaser, there will be a voice: I have given so much to you, why don't you listen to me, you should...
In fact, their hearts are eager to get the other party's response, but long-term unprincipled flattery will make the other party ignore him, so there will be little substantial return.
A flattering personality without self is not a desirable trait for children's growth. Therefore, parents need to avoid children from developing such personality traits through good education.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > two reactions when a child is criticized, you need to pay attention to</h1>
Studies by the American Pediatric Association have shown that children are often yelled at, and stress hormone levels in the body increase and changes in brain structure.
In real life, basically most parents, when educating their children in criticism, have used the "yelling" criticism method.
When criticizing children, their voices unconsciously increase, as if this is a deterrent to them, trying to make them listen to their own words.
However, children who have been yelled at and criticized for a long time, if these two reactions appear, it means that they have already shown any precursors of flattery:
(1) After being criticized, immediately bow your head and admit your mistake;
(2) After being criticized, he immediately remained silent and did not dare to refute it.
I believe that most parents like this criticism because they show their children's obedience, but on the other hand, they also reflect their pleasing personality of wanting to please their parents.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > how a child's emotions and personality are properly guided</h1>
▼ Give your child the right to express
Parents and children get along with each other on a daily basis, it is inevitable that there will be different opinions, at this time, parents should not adopt an authoritarian approach from the beginning, comprehensively reject the children's opinions, but give the children the opportunity to express themselves.
Giving children the right to express themselves is a manifestation of respect for children, and while they will gain self-esteem in this respect, they are more willing to express themselves than to please others with silence and obedience.
▼ Let children feel safe
When the child does something wrong, when the parent criticizes the child, try to avoid the way of yelling, but use a fair way to give the child the opportunity to defend first. In this way, children will not only be able to understand right from wrong in the future, but also become confident due to the improvement of their sense of security.
▼ Set rules with your child
The purpose of setting rules is not only to let children know what to do or should not do, how to do the best, etc., but to let them understand that everything has principles and bottom lines.
In the future, they can easily refuse the unreasonable requests of others.
Today's topic: Do you think your child has a flattering personality?