One day, strolling through the streets of the square.
After waiting for a while, the friend who made an appointment to meet did not show up for a long time, and you were anxious to take out your mobile phone, and was preparing to ask your friend why he did not come, the message was not sent out, and the next second was suddenly covered by something, and there seemed to be several hands dragging you in all directions.
No matter how you struggle, kick and punch, shout for help, the other party has no intention of stopping.
Suddenly, a voice said, I robbed you, you are my wife.
Magical? This is not a horror novel, nor is it sensational, but in Kyrgyzstan, Indonesia, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Azerbaijan and other countries, this is a reality that is really played out every day.
Image source: vice news
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<h1 toutiao-origin="h1" > bride fleeing from the clutches of the devil</h1>
A few years ago, there was such a passage circulating on the Internet: "When you see a girl, you like to chase it, and if you can't chase it, you can grab it back as a wife!" ”
If you share this sentence with Citra, who has experienced "bride snatching", she will not find this "joke" funny.
She was 28 years old and as busy with her work as any other of her age, two men, who identified themselves as local officials, approached her and asked her to attend a business meeting to talk about the management of the local disaster relief organization.
After chatting for a while, the two suddenly said that they wanted to meet in another place, which aroused The alarm of Citra, and she ran to her motorcycle to leave the scene, but a group of people suddenly rushed out and grabbed her.
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"I kicked and screamed and they pushed me into the car." Citra said.
After being hijacked, Citra quickly texted her parents and boyfriend. The occupants of the car then led her to a traditional house with high ceilings and solid wooden beams, where a group of people sat, and as soon as Citra arrived, she began to perform the ceremony with gongs and drums.
It was then that Citra discovered that her captors were her father's distant relatives.
However, this is only the beginning, and there is a custom in the process of "robbing the bride": if the snatched "bride" eats the food given by the other party, it means that the family affair has been accepted.
In order to fight, Citra did not eat or drink water and food for six consecutive days, and could only be stuffed with food by her sisters.
"I cried until my throat dried up. Lying on the ground, scratching his stomach with the keys of his motorcycle and smashing his head with a large wooden board. I want them to know I don't want to. I hope they feel guilty. ”
Footage taken by witnesses to the "kidnapping of the bride" in Kazakhstan with their mobile phones
The kidnappers were both soft and hard, repeatedly telling her that they did so out of love for her and liking her, trying to persuade her to accept the marriage.
On the other hand, he was trying to get Citra's forehead wet with water, which is also the custom of Sumba, and if the water touches the forehead, the person cannot leave the house. Her captors tried to deal with her in this way, and Citra struggled not to get her forehead wet.
Citra was trapped in the house for six full days. "I cried all night, didn't sleep, and felt like I was going to die."
Eventually, Citra's sisters found a local women's human rights organization and negotiated with the village elders and the man's family to release him, which saved Citra.
"In one day, kidnapped and married"
Image source: Hopeforthesold.com
The kidnapped Citra is unfortunate. With a job, a family, a boyfriend, and as an independent woman, she still can't escape the clutches of such bad customs as "bride snatching".
But Citra was lucky compared to the other women. According to the women's human rights group that helped rescue Citra, only 3 of the seven bride snatches they were involved in helping, including Citra, were successfully rescued.
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Is this a conspiracy?
Being kidnapped in broad daylight, fighting fruitlessly, and forcing herself to become each other's brides – Citra's experience is not alone.
In addition to Indonesia, where Citra is located, in Central Asia, including Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, etc., as well as 17 countries and regions in Africa, such as Rwanda, Ethiopia, Kenya and other countries and regions, there have been cases of bride abduction without informed consent.
Image source: Rt.com
This tradition of "bride snatching" is called "Ala Kachuu" (Kyrgyz: кызалакаачуу), which means "to run away with a young woman". The woman was abducted by force or deception and placed under house arrest in the man's home until the stolen bride was persuaded to wear the scarf of the married woman as a sign of acceptance of the "marriage".
The history of bride kidnapping has been controversial, but what is clear is that kidnappings surged suddenly in the 20th century and flourished in the name of "tradition.".
Data from relevant papers show that more than one third of Kyrgyz women marry through involuntary kidnapping.
UNICEF has reported on the story of Aisuluu, who was lured to a party by a female friend and then kidnapped by a strange man before escaping two months later.
She said: "They put me in the car. I cried and tried to refuse. I don't want to marry her (friend's brother)... I had never seen him before. ”
Image credit: Getty Images
For the kidnapped women, this is not just a unilateral violence by the perpetrator, but a conspiracy of the whole society.
The usual means of the man's family is to take them hostage, and then coerce and induce them, which is a double torture of spirit and body for women who are alone. In addition, the "brides" may also face rape in the process of being kidnapped.
Even if no substantive sexual activity occurs, and a woman spends the night alone in a man's home, her virginity is called into question. In areas where reputation and family glory are highly valued, women have little choice in the face of social stigma.
Tying a white turban signifies obedience to the kidnapped marriage
http://www.uzbekjourneys.com/
Perhaps some readers have noticed that in the kidnapping of Citra, the perpetrator was a distant relative of the father. Although it was citra's sisters who eventually found human rights groups, in many other incidents, many of the women's families were involved.
In an interview with Reuters, Kazakbaeva, a witness to the "kidnapped bride" in Kazakhstan, recounted the experience, saying that she struggled and cried desperately, pleading with the groom's family, and her own family, "My grandmother was very traditional, she thought it was a shame, and she began to persuade me to stay." ”
The nonprofit investigative news organization Indepthnews interviewed "kidnapped brides" in Kyrgyzstan, whose victims said they were forced to remain silent out of family honour.
From the moment they were kidnapped, they were doomed to the unhappy marriage of these women. How can a woman who has been robbed be kind? There may indeed be a few mutually agreeable "kidnappings" in them, but more often than not, the kidnapper knows nothing about the perpetrator.
Some people, under years of coercion, choose to fall in love with the abuser, or go along with it and accept the status quo, but others choose to end their lives.
Mairam Bibi and her sons
Mairam Bibi, one of the interviewees, was kidnapped as a bride as a student and gave birth to three children. Seventeen years later, her husband died, and at the funeral, Myram suddenly realized that the man who had destroyed her life was dead.
She said: "I don't know if I should be happy or sad, my husband, the man who kidnapped me 17 years ago, is now finally dying of a heart attack. ”
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Why is the bad habit of "robbing the bride" repeatedly forbidden?
In China, in the past, there was also the saying of "snatching relatives", but compared with kidnapping, it is more inclined to elope with two young people with similar feelings, and when faced with the "finger marriage" against their will, they have a certain romantic color.
In these kidnappings in modern society, the kidnappers will neither be Prince Charming nor the domineering president. An unmasked stranger, or a man who knows each other well but has no good feelings, easily takes the life of the brides.
The story of the bride's abduction is still too numerous to this day. This is no longer a new topic, but it is still not on the verge of complete extinction.
This crime, which seriously harms personal freedom and violates modern ideas, has attracted the attention of organizations such as UN Women, public welfare groups have emerged to actively carry out rescue, and people's awareness of resistance is increasing.
The streets oppose the slogan "Kidnapping the Bride" (ala kachuu).
On 26 January 2013, Kyrgyzstan adopted an amendment to the Penal Code that added the penalty of "abduction of women against their will", which provided for a new sentence of up to 10 years for forced marriage, compared with the previous maximum of three years' imprisonment.
In contrast, however, the law provides for a maximum penalty of 11 years in prison for the theft of livestock.
Kyrgyz police arrest women who participate in anti-sexual violence demonstrations
Image credit: AP News
Despite the law's increased penalties and the 6 years since the amendment was enacted, the kidnapping of the bride has not stopped. According to UNICEF data, in the first six months of 2019, a total of 118 criminal cases of bride kidnapping were pursued in Kyrgyzstan.
Indonesian Women's Affairs Minister Bintang Puspayoga signed a joint statement in July with local leaders on the island of Sumba, where Citra is located, to resist bride-snatching.
But this is only the first step, and the road ahead is still long to really break this bad habit.
One of the most difficult to solve is the conceptual problem. In fact, "bride kidnapping" does not have a clear history and source, nor does it have the so-called "cultural tradition" as a support, and the more people participate in it, the longer the time, people regard it as a "traditional custom".
Banners in the hands of protesters read: "Kidnapping is no longer a tradition but a violation of the rights of young women!!! ”
Image source: Марат Абдыкалыков
When rape and kidnapping become a "culture" and it becomes even more difficult to confront them.
The head of the human rights organization said in an interview that in fact, there are not many victims who report the crime, and many women do not know how to use legal weapons to protect themselves, and they also have some scruples.
In May 2018, Burulai Turdaaly Kyzy, a Kyzy Kyzy, a former medical student who was murdered by the "groom" while going to the police station to report the crime.
In addition to male hostility, some female elders, themselves, are forced to become wives and mothers in this way, and under the discipline of society, they take this unreasonable custom for granted and stand against the victims.
But there are also women who are using their own strength to try to make even the slightest change.
Aisulu, 42, was "kidnapped bride" at the age of 17
Image credit: UNICEF/Kyrgyzstan
Aisuluu, a survivor of the bride's abduction, still forced her to go back and accept the marriage after escaping the clutches of the kidnapped marriage, but she bravely chose to refuse. At the same time, in the more than two decades since the incident, not only have they achieved some success in their careers, but they have also been committed to helping other women who have had the same experience to achieve financial independence.
"It took me more than 20 years to have the power to refuse, to tell my story in tears, and to help other young girls who have been violated and violent."
As more and more women begin to awaken, where will the "kidnapping of the bride" go in the future?
Mylam Bibi, a former "bride kidnapper," gave her answer: "I will not let my son go back to his father's path." My eldest son, Kuban, 17, knows what his father did to me and says he won't hurt or force any girls. I wish I could see him get married and have a happy family. ”
Some of the images come from the Internet
Resources:
1.Mehrigiul Ablezova, Medina Aitieva, Kidnapping for marriage (ala kachuu) in a Kyrgyz village, Central Asian Survey[J]. 2005,24(2):191-202.
2.Kleinbach & Salimjanova, Kyz ala kachuu and adat: Non-consensual bride kidnapping and tradition in Kyrgyzstan, Central Asian Survey[J].2007,26:2, 217 - 233.
3.https://www.eg24.news/2020/07/citra-i-felt-like-i-was-dying-bbc-news-arabic.html
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-53418099
4.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ala_kachuu#cite_note-3
5.https://www.unicef.org/eca/stories/i-never-said-yes
6.https://www.hrw.org/reports/2006/kyrgyzstan0906/3.htm