Have you ever experienced a scene like this in your life:
The child finds something very interesting and is excited to share it with you, but you just look at the phone, don't know what the child is talking about, just perfunctory "Mm-hmm, uh-oh." So the child was disappointed and said angrily, "Mom, you don't know what I'm talking about." Maybe you'll retort, "I responded!" ”
But over time, you will find that when you speak, the child will ignore you. You think that your child has become disobedient, but it is actually because you do not know how to communicate effectively with your child.
In the book "The Little Bean by the Window", the author Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, based on herself, delicately describes the details of how her mother communicates with herself in her daily life.
Maybe you will say that it is not just to communicate with children, to talk? It is true that speaking is the most direct way of communicating, but how to achieve the purpose of effective communication with children?
First, replace perfunctory listening with patient listening
The first is patient listening, the best thing to do is to put down the things in your hands, with a smile, look at the child with your eyes, put the child's words in your heart, and sincerely interact with the child.
The little bean in the story has just been dropped out of school, and her mother takes her to the car to find a new school. After the curious little beanie and the ticket inspector chatted, he told his mother that he planned to be a conductor in the future, but his mother was not only not surprised, but also asked Xiao Doudou whether he planned to continue to be a spy or a conductor. The clever little beanie's answer is even more interesting - the spy disguises himself as a conductor, and he can become a spy and a conductor.
Voltaire once said, "The ear is the way to the heart." ”
True listening is that no matter what state of mind and environment you are in, you can listen to every word your child says and respond accordingly. Perfunctory treatment is cold and rude.
Xiao Doudou's mother can not only listen patiently in the state of mind of the child being dropped out of school, but also respond to the child's questions and guide the child to think. It is also this response that makes The Little Beanie plant a flower called "Love" in her heart.
Second, build a loving communication bridge with respect and understanding
Secondly, on the basis of patient listening, respect the child's ideas and understand the child's inner world.
For example, the child especially likes to catch snails, and every time he goes out, he can find snails, which may be seen on the wall, may be seen on the leaves, or may be seen in the grass. And after finding it, he will be particularly excited to run over and deliver snails of different sizes to you for you to admire.
At this time, what we have to do is not to oppose the child from catching snails everywhere and disgusting snails, but to guide the children to say why they catch snails.
In the above example of catching snails, we do not directly oppose the child's snail catching, that is, to respect the child's idea; to guide the child to say why he catches the snail is to understand the child's curious inner world, perhaps we adults feel bored to the most things, in the eyes of the child is full of a lot of magic and happiness.
So before Xiao Doudou was expelled from school, the teacher called his mother to the school to complain about Xiao Doudou's strange behavior, such as playing with the desk to make various sounds, interacting with publicity artists so that the teacher could not go to class normally, talking to small animals affected classroom discipline, drawing the national flag and painting the table badly... All my mother thought was, "Find a way to find a school that can understand the child's character, and teach her to learn with everyone." ”
Gorky said, "If people don't understand each other, how can they learn to respect each other silently?" The same is true between parents and children, and only when you see your children as equal individuals as you can you build a loving communication bridge with your children.
Third, use words and deeds to guide children to establish the correct three views
In the end, all you need to do is be a good example for your child.
Because children are still young and do not have too much knowledge and experience reserves, imitating adults is the most direct and convenient way to obtain knowledge and experience. Secondly, the environment that children live in the most contact with is the family, and the parents are the adults who are exposed to the most times, so it is normal to imitate the parents.
For a while, Doudou especially liked to listen to Rakugo stories, and in Japan, Rakugo stories are equivalent to Chinese stand-up comedy. Doudou not only listens, but also likes to imitate the language inside. Once, Mr. Tachibana Changding came to Doudou's house with gifts, and Doudou said: "Mother, this guy is still quite enough buddy." My mother was surprised to hear this, and patiently asked him where he had heard it from afterwards, and told him that it was not right to say this, and that it was right to thank him as politely as my mother did.
As the saying goes: "The upper beam is not right and the lower beam is crooked." "If parents don't lead by example and be a good example for their children in their daily lives, then don't hate iron and steel."
"There is nothing difficult in the world, only afraid of people with hearts", when you do these three things with your heart, the problem of communication between you and your children will be solved.