The author | original by career planner Vin
— 1 —
I also did not expect that Li Xueqin, the wild rose of Tieling, just chatted with the college students about the future some time ago, and turned his head and was escorted to "Men's Clothing".
Lo and behold, this pajama look, the curtain-like slippery slip dress, and the special festive big peony pattern. What is it?
She is only 25 years old, why did she make the wind and dust effect of mixing in the mahjong room of the dance hall for many years? You can look at it, it seems that the master who planned this group of photos wants to explore the sexy side of Li Xueqin, but the results are ??? Where there is a slightest texture.
Why did the magazine have to make her look like this? Is it that the magazine can't tolerate her as she is? Since it takes so much effort, makeovers, and body repairs, it is better to directly find a female star to cooperate.
I can understand the difficulty of doing one line and one line, not all magazines have to be advanced, can pursue differentiation, diversity. The fact that showing sexiness itself is too much of a test of planning and execution ability, both feminine and not low, and the public's appreciation of women is no longer the same. Charm is inherently ever-changing, and there are many forms, so if you want to play beautifully, you have to think about it carefully.
Li Xueqin's "mismatch" is basically to create another person, and this person is also suspicious.
She was originally a brain sexy type, relying on talent and humorous way of thinking to win the public's love. Let her shine in the environment she feels comfortable with, but it is better than forcing her to take hard photos.
Sure enough, the exam is still easy, and the exam has the correct answer, but life does not. You don't know what's next, what kind of pit to step into.
— 2 —
Xu Hanyu, also a smart-minded and cheerful northeastern girl, graduated from a double-first-class university with a master's degree in pharmacology, and is currently engaged in product manager work in a well-known pharmaceutical company.
She came to counsel because her career plans were a mess, and when she came to visit, she gushed endlessly, her thoughts galloping like horses, going wildly, and in her words, there was no obvious form of the same noun, meaning turned around, different interpretations in different contexts.
Sometimes she has a clear stance on her career, and this attitude is fleeting. To put it bluntly, she felt that this 3-year job was not suitable for her at all.
Have you ever felt that "your current job simply doesn't fit you or doesn't match your traits"? In fact, after so many years of consulting work, I have found that there are many clients like Letter Yu, and sometimes even if the ability to meet the needs, there will be invisible mismatches.
Mismatches are used to indicate "a state in which the demand for talent does not match the supply", "my ability is not suitable for the position assigned, so the motivation is reduced", etc.
For an individual's career, it is very important to coordinate yourself with your work (consistency/consistency). Among them, the most basic is whether the capabilities required by the business are consistent with the capabilities they have.
The capabilities and content required by the business have width and level and directivity. In contrast, the abilities and experiences they hold also have breadth, level, and directivity.
The directionality referred to here refers to the tendency to prioritize the axis of value, or the invisible habit.
Vin concludes that general mismatches can be divided into 3 modes:
1. Their own ability, breadth of experience, and level are insufficient to complete the work task, but the direction is consistent.
2, they have certain experience and ability, but there is a deviation from the needs, and the directionality is not consistent, unable to complete the work task, there is also a sense of violation.
3, their own ability, experience width, level is enough, and beyond the scope of work requirements, fully able to complete the business. However, because the directivity is inconsistent, there will be a sense of violation in some places.
After the preliminary consultation and diagnosis, the situation of the letter belongs to the third point, the directionality is inconsistent, resulting in a sense of violation, so that the motivation is not enough, and there has always been the idea of wanting to change jobs.
In fact, what should be wary of in the long term of the profession is this "big" incongruity.
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The mismatch between one's own abilities and job requirements is one of the reasons for the decline in motivation. But this may be a minor incongruity.
For example, people's abilities and qualifications are not as fixed and free as imagined. Being assigned to a department outside the imagination, being assigned a job that is not envisaged, and developing an unintended self, is something that happens to a lot of people. In fact, a slight mismatch can also become an opportunity to develop unknown capabilities.
What should be wary of in the medium and long term of a career is the "big incongruity.". Large incongruity refers to the incompatibility of nature and fundamental values that grow stronger with age and the overall work environment and business society. It is this sense of discord and disagreement that makes me more and more depressed.
And this incongruity will become more pronounced after the age of 35. At this age, there are more and more things to guard in life, and it is not possible to simply change jobs, so the sense of violation cannot be easily eliminated.
Even if your ability is competent for the job, there will be resistance in the depths of your heart, which will have a negative impact on your body and mind; however, if you have to continue to walk in order to live, everyone will have such incongruity.
I've heard a lot of people's truths from the consultation:
A female manager in the financial industry said: "After becoming a female manager, I wanted to integrate women's soft ideas into the business, but the result made me feel deeply that the mall was like a battlefield; in addition to being resourceful and good at political maneuvering, I also needed to think about business completion strategies all the time." Such a task is completely contrary to my personal characteristics and values. If a capable woman doesn't want to be a manager, it may not be a matter of her will, it may be because she fundamentally feels out of place. ”
A programmer customer in the Internet industry said: "Staring at the computer screen all day, doing the work of moving bricks and repairing bugs, feeling that their work is not popular at all, working long hours at home can not take care of, sometimes the shoulder and neck are faintly painful to work, when I was young, I felt very exciting, but now I feel that I am not like a normal person." ”
People who are prone to serious incongruity after the age of 30 are the kind of people who are capable, serious, and have a clear purpose of their work.
These people are precisely because they have the ability, so they can "complete the work" again and again according to the requirements of the organization, and they will be praised by the people around them and continue to grow. But as you get older, you will find that there is a big deviation between your innermost thoughts, values, and organizations, and the resulting distress.
— 4 —
So, how to solve it?
In the consultation, I invited her to stir up 10 career constructions out of 10 possible careers that could be considered, so that a prototype slowly appeared. By building a structured conversation, we are free to converse, discuss different topics or dive deeper into one argument.
In the course of the discussion, it was clear that the client's horizons were opened, the focus of attention was focused, and the vague concept was clarified. Looking further, the client can also be aware of the way in which they have formed cognitive constructs.
The results presented by the correspondence can be reduced to one large category and two categories, of which an intermediate category can be seen. The problem is the conflict between this large category and two smaller categories.
In the process of careful deliberation, Han Yu himself saw the whole picture of the conflict. From the big category, she knows what she wants; From the small category, she also suddenly realized. The two intersected, and the vocabulary she used was explained differently. Oscillating between the two, she tried to unify some of her thoughts, but in vain.
I took her on an exploration.
"From this group of points of view, how do you look at your profession? What kind of life are you willing to live? What kind of person do you want to be?" Judging from these questions, the so-called practice is a kind of calling for "opinions."
Once the client is in control, he can think of one point of view from another relative point of view. In this way, The Letter will consciously pay attention to the differences, but also to the similarities, and even to the bridges that may be built between the two. Once this dominance is formed, we can discuss together how these meanings are formed in her life.
The large categories include positive constructs that are; "Imagination", "creativity", "stimulation", "meaningful", "free, broad", "rich, challenging", "important" and "found useful" can meet these qualities in a wide range of areas.
This large category comes from her experience; She had always been cheerful, intelligent, and imaginative. She loves theory and research, and uses her brain power. Prefer academic or research career fields, such as economists, biologists, and jurists.
The traits included in the two subcategories are: "Giving Yourself", "Direct Personal Service", "Emotional Involvement", "Having More Contribution", and "Helping Others in the Long Term".
This category mainly comes from her observations, as well as from the expectations and ideals of her parents. Her parents' professions were traditional standards of helping others. This section favors career areas in medicine, nursing, and special education.
Although she agrees and envies her "expert traits", she doubts whether she really likes them. When she imagined living in the moral rules of her parents, she felt limited everywhere and unwilling.
She began to ponder some serious ideas, and with my assistance she also asked interesting questions such as: "Can't economists help people?" How can economists contribute to humanity? If the theory is too abstract, can't we develop a theory with high practicality and great contribution? As an economist, biologist, and jurist, how can you make yourself feel effective and meaningful?"
A small part of this questioning technique is to increase her exploration, and a small part is to soften or loosen the connotation of meaning, so that the bridge of compromise can be built between opposing schemas; The main thing is to draw a big question mark on the future of The Letter. Questioning is an important prelude to cultivating an attitude toward action.
Vin often said that when a person looks down at things, he often does not meet lin, so-called: "Only because he is in this mountain, he does not know the true face of Lushan"; When a person acts in a way, he often will go his own way, so-called: "The bystander is clear, and the authorities are confused."
And the vision needs to be expanded, and the confusion needs to be pointed out by the bystander, which is the meaning of being a counselor.
In the decision-making framework, after the adjustment of vision (the integration of opposing views), the clarification of doubts, her conflicts are gradually bridged.
After being relieved, Hanyu began a series of actions, such as trying to study the subject in different ways, talking to different people about their work, trying new opportunities herself, and so on.
She would occasionally send me messages about what she had done recently, what new things she had tried, what she had learned, and how she could better face her career.
Vin deeply feels here that the most obvious change in Hanyu after she got out of trouble is that she exudes inner enthusiasm and internal drive. In addition to these changes, there is also an autonomy and affirmation of oneself, decisions, plans, and actions.
Final words:
If you, like Hanyu, are upset about not being compatible with yourself, how do you deal with it? Vin gives the above four points of advice:
1. Develop interests
2. Internal transfer
3. Career transformation
4. Cultivate personal business models
The above four points of Vin public account have case analysis, and will not be repeated here.
Finally, here's the message from Robert Anthony: As we get older, we don't get better or worse, we become more like ourselves.
PS: Out of respect for confidentiality clauses and the particularity of consulting work, in order to protect the interests of the parties, the customers in the text are pseudonyms, and the privacy and consulting technology related to customers cannot be published.
Author | Career Planner Vin: Career counselor, middle executive coach, focus on sharing career counseling cases to enhance your workplace competitiveness. Welcome to my headline number @ Career Planner Vin