The other day I saw a news story that went something like this.
Fan Caiyun, who lives in Wushan County, Gansu Province' Tianshui City, tweeted that her child, who was born only 14 hours ago, was taken away by her already separated husband.
She communicated with the man many times, and the man said that the woman could only bring the child back if she returned the dowry money of 70,000 yuan.
Fan Caiyun's husband, Mao Binbin, told the Beijing News that the child was safe in his place and that things were being negotiated.
On October 12, a staff member of the Wushan County Women's Federation told reporters that the child was still in Mao Binbin's place.
Mao Binbin said that the woman must return the dowry money to him, so that he will give the child to the woman, and then agree to divorce.
At present, the Simen Town Judicial Office, where Mao Binbin's household registration is located, has intervened in mediation.
According to Fan Caiyun, she and Mao Binbin married in late 2020.
After the marriage, the two had some conflicts, and in May this year, they separated, and Fan Caiyun returned to live in his mother's house.
She informed Mao Binbin before giving birth, and then Mao Binbin and his mother came to the hospital to accompany the delivery.
At about 3 p.m. on the day of the incident, Fan Caiyun felt very aggrieved because the man and his relatives did not greet him after giving birth, and quarreled with Mao Binbin once.
Fan Caiyun said that the doctors and nurses present saw Mao Binbin carrying the child away.
Due to the long-term poor communication between the two, Fan Caiyun chose to call the police.
But the police told her that since the two of them had not yet divorced, the matter was still a family dispute, which could only be resolved in coordination, not a case.
In fact, it is not uncommon for fathers like this who do not care about their children and use their children as chips to threaten their children's mothers.
Even some men feel that their children hinder their own interests and hurt their children.
In November last year, a pair of siblings under the age of 3 in Chongqing fell from the 15th floor, and their father cried hoarsely.
But who would have thought that this father, who was crying so loudly, was the murderer of the brothers and sisters.
In order to fly with Xiao Sanshuang and win the favor of Xiao San, this inhuman father threw his children downstairs with his own hands.
Tiger Poison did not eat children, but he killed his own children with his own hands.
And the man in today's news, although he did not kill his own children.
But what is the difference between him using his newborn child as a bargaining chip to blackmail his wife and the man who killed his own child?
It's all for their own benefit.
Seeing so much news, we will find that most of the people who hurt children are fathers.
Or the child is sick and has no money for treatment, no hope of treatment, and the first to give up is their father.
Mothers basically smash pots and sell iron to give their children life and hope, and do their best to give their children happiness.
This is the gap between father and mother.
Without condemning this man's approach, what kind of father would be more likely to hurt his child from this matter alone?
01
Fathers who are rarely involved in the development of their children
The reason why those men hurt their children is that they don't have much affection for their children.
And there are no feelings precisely because they are rarely involved in the growth of their children.
The child cried and was held by the mother;
The child is hungry and has a mother to feed;
The child is sick and has a mother to take care of.
And these men don't seem to have taken on the responsibility of being fathers except to earn money for the family.
It's like building a house, a house that we built with our own hands, and in the process of building it, we will spend a lot of effort and effort.
When the house is successfully built, we will cherish it very much and fear that it will be hurt.
Because we are involved in the process of building a house, we know that it is not easy to build it.
Instead of having to spend our energy and time looking after the house, we live directly into the house.
Then this house does not have much affection for us, and naturally it will not be cherished much.
Similarly, those men don't have much affection for their children because they're not involved in their children's upbringing and education, and they don't know how hard it is to raise a child.
Then naturally when you hurt your child, you will not spare your subordinates.
Therefore, it is recommended that women should let the father of the child participate in the growth of taking care of the child.
Let him feel the difficulty of being a father, and let him take on the responsibility of being a father.
In this way, he has a relationship with the child and will not hurt the child.
02
Emotionally unstable father
There is also a kind of man with an extreme personality and an emotionally unstable attitude, who is also likely to hurt the child.
This kind of man, as long as others touch the thread on him, whether it is his parents, or his children, he will not hesitate to hurt.
I've seen a news story where men in the news are the kind of people who aren't emotionally stable.
He quarreled with his wife, and after the emotional outburst, he picked up the sleeping child next to him and fell down heavily, and the child was killed by him on the spot.
In fact, a man like this, he is not emotionally unstable in hurting his children, but emotional instability has become a characteristic of him.
Such a person, he will explode when he encounters anything.
For example, it will hurt the wife, hurt the parents, hurt the children.
So why is it recommended that girls must not marry a boy who is not emotionally stable enough?
No matter how nice he is to us, he can't marry.
Because not only will you be hurt, but your children will also be hurt in the future.
Emotionally unstable people are uncontrollable when he loses his temper, like an outbreak of drug addiction.
Although he will regret it afterwards, but the child has already been hurt, what is the use of regret?
Another point is that emotionally unstable boys also have a negative impact on their children's education.
For example, if the child is not willing to do what he wants the child to do, then his temper will shout at the child and severely reprimand the child, which will also have an impact on the child's growth.
Therefore, when we are looking for a partner, we must know more about each other and get along with each other, and observe whether his emotions are stable enough.
Let's not look at how good he is when he is good to us, but how bad he is when he is bad to us.
03
Fathers who do not love the mother of the child
We have to admit this, if a man loves a woman, then he will even like the woman's parents and children.
Let's look at the fathers who hurt their children, basically they don't have much affection for the mother of the child.
Why?
Because when a guy loves you, he thinks about it for you.
He will think clearly before doing this, whether doing this will have a bad impact on you, whether it will make you unhappy.
If you're not happy, then he won't do it either.
And only the boy who doesn't love you will ignore your feelings.
Whether you are happy or unhappy, as long as he is happy.
Therefore, when we get married and find a partner, we also have to find a boy who loves us.
Such a boy at least he will not do anything to hurt us.
04
Selfish and indifferent father
The last one is the selfish and indifferent man.
This kind of person, with a fierce heart, only cares about his own interests.
The child's wife is not important to his own interests.
Like which men?
Those men who gamble, who prostitute, who take drugs, they will do it for their own pleasure, regardless of the happiness of their wives and children.
They only ask for their children, but they never give for them.
Actor Mao Xiaotong's father is a typical example.
When he was a child, he hated that Mao Xiaotong was a girl, and later came to see that Mao Xiaotong became famous as an actor and became rich, and came to ask her for a huge fortune.
There are also men who gamble incessantly, asking their children for money after losing the bet, or asking their children to pay off their debts.
Such a person is selfish and indifferent at heart.
Therefore, when we look for a partner, we must also see clearly whether the other party is a person who knows how to be considerate of others and is willing to take responsibility.
If he only cares about whether he is happy or not, but does not care about our feelings, such a boy cannot marry even if he is handsome.
Many people say that boys are more rational because they are better at weighing the pros and cons.
This is something that girls should learn from men, but not advocate learning from their cruelty and reality, but learning from their minds to keep their sanity.
If we can keep a rational mind and think a lot before we marry, we can avoid taking many wrong paths.
Author | Nancy Anhui University master of translation, through the ministry of personnel third-level translation, in-depth research in the field of gender emotions, good at finding problems from emotions and solving problems, so that more people are aware, become a better self.