The girl who sold her house to Dali,
Came back after 4 months...
Perhaps, each of us has a dream in our hearts: to a quiet and beautiful small place, to open a small shop, just so slowly and leisurely through this life...
Still, are you really sure these are what you want?
1
A female wenqing friend of mine sold her house in Suzhou a few years ago, went to Dali, Yunnan to pursue her literary and artistic dreams, she said to open a delicate small shop, see the ancient city dappled by the sun, there are comfortable pedestrians and cats on the road, occasionally write and write, chat with tourists about what they see, listen to their stories,
When she described all this to me firmly and hopefully, I had an urge to cry, admiring from the bottom of my heart that she had the courage to pursue the life she wanted, resolutely giving up her high-income and high-pressure job, withdrawing from the traffic of the city, and desperately trying to live for her ideal life.
When she said goodbye, she told me: I may not be in touch often in the future, but I will write down everything about you and send it to you.
I was a little sad and said to her: When I am empty, go to Lijiang to find you! She smiled brightly."
As long as you want to be empty, you can empty! Not so much involuntarily
2
I thought I would see her again in a small shop in Dali, with the fine sunlight jumping in her hair, and the long skirt of clear soup and water was smiling like a flower.
But what I never expected was that four months later, she would still be at Suzhou Railway Station, and her gray face would be full of exhaustion. A smile squeezed out of the corner of his mouth and said to me:
She threw herself back into the busyness of the city, she said: When it exists in your imagination, you will continue to beautify it, and when you don't get it, you will keep adding to your own desires, continue to beautify it, expand that beauty infinitely, and when you really realize it, maybe what awaits you is the boredom of stagnant water.
Then listening to her describe the four months in Dali, frequent power outages, rooms with rats, unaccustomed food, people who could not communicate, etc., at this time I also calmed down, thought for a long time and could not help but ask her:
"Could it be that it is not a matter of ideals and reality, but that you simply do not know the true needs of your heart?"
3
At work, I often meet girls who think they know their needs very well. I will provide a full set of image improvement programs for a girl who has a higher pursuit of her own image.
Give each of them a specific plan from the shape, makeup, hairstyle, and matching, and some girls come from afar, with full sincerity in the pursuit of better themselves. You give her specific plans for weight loss, corrective shape, skin care, dressing, etc., and they feel that their inner needs have been filled and satisfied.
But then what? In fact, there are many people who do not specifically carry out, get a set of reports, get a few sets of clothing, and then return to the original appearance, as this pursuit has never been.
So what is the real need of the heart in this situation? In fact, it is to alleviate your anxiety, instead of really pursuing a better place and getting a solution, the anxiety is alleviated.
4
The best way to operate is to face your own "blood sea deep vengeance".
When we dig out the pain in our hearts, maybe the corresponding real needs will become clear, and if we determine the real needs, maybe a lot of pain will become meaningless
Go to the depths of your own heart and look at it, is what you are addicted to now real? The one you love dearly, are you sure it's not because you need companionship and care? The one who is ready to start a business, are you sure you just want to escape the boring workplace?
"You don't have 99% of the fitness and weight loss methods you turned in your circle of friends; you turned the travel guide, 99% of you will not backpack to walk through; you turned the inspirational philosophy, you 99% will not practice; the exquisite life you turn needs to be broken, and 99% of your excess things have not been thrown away... The figure, literary freedom, and exquisite and beautiful life that exist in your desire, holding the mobile phone in the same place, did not move.
Second, after I sold my house in Beijing and moved to Dali...
I've always been an hindsighter. For example, after more than half a year of talk about soaring house prices, I was late to notice the strangeness of the people around me.
How everyone is talking about the house, even the public articles written by some well-known people who are usually poor and happy, suddenly have a sudden change in style, filled with anxiety, resentment, and chest beating to teach everyone "the importance of making money".
Of course, because of my hindsight about the situation, I happily sold my house in Beijing at the beginning of last year and immigrated to the small border town of Dali with my family.
The people who bought my house were a pair of university professors, and when the children were older, they sold their original primary school house and borrowed more than two million yuan to buy my house.
Then I made an appointment to transfer the house and waited for the buyer to apply for a loan until I got the balance of the house, which was already September.
During this period, I moved, in the fashionable words "escape from the north to Guangzhou", and used the down payment deposit from the sale of the Beijing house to buy a large house in Dali that could see the Cangshan Erhai Sea, with a large terrace, and a sun room where I could lie down and watch the stars at night. I planned to use the money left over from the sale of the house to save a sum of money for my children's education and my pension, and I never had to worry about it.
With the imagination of a better life, I hurriedly adapted to the new life and met the new immigrants from all walks of life who came to Dali
, experience the wonderful feeling of going out at any time without looking at smog data every day
Every day after dinner, walking in the woods at the foot of Cangshan Mountain, under the deep blue starry sky, I think I can imagine the best life I can imagine, but so, almost to be sure that I am the kind of life winner that people say.
However, this calm was interrupted by the "active comfort" of my real estate agent.
"Sister, the buyer's bank loan was approved this week, there are too many people who lend, the approval is a little slow, you don't have to be too sad."
"Wait, why am I upset?"
"Oh, you don't know, oh, then you didn't say it, save you a lot of trouble."
"Speak!"
"Oh, yes, your house.
……
Alas, how to say it, I thought I was a very peaceful woman, but at that moment, the acid water gushing up in my heart made me swallow several times in a row before I suppressed it.
There is no regret, regret, anxiety, none of this, just difficult to reconcile.
What is uneven? It is you who jump off a Mercedes-Benz train, and then watch the train drive toward prosperity, leaving you alone, and feeling a kind of sadness that all the prosperity of the world has nothing to do with me.
For the next three days, I was fascinated and mentally calculated what two million could be used to do. More than I saved for the baby's education, you can buy a suite in Dali as a homestay, you can travel around the world, you can donate a hope primary school... I forgot that the two million never belonged to me, and I thought with certainty that it was gained and lost by me.
The long-difficult mood drives me to pay attention to the people around me, their lives or moods, and whether they have been changed by the house like me.
I was surprised to find out, how does it seem like everyone is sad?
At the party, when everyone was talking about the house, no matter how much he smashed the pot and sold iron, he couldn't afford to buy a house, and he often kept his mouth shut, and there was a calm despair in his expression, and I almost had to worry that the next second I would see him cover his face and cry. Small houses for large houses, the commonplace of carrying two or three million loans, like gamblers, putting bets on the expectation that house prices are constantly rising, and the visible future does not dare to resign, does not dare to move, does not dare to be willful.
Of course, there are people like me who sold the house early and missed the opportunity to rise sharply, and can never buy it back in the foreseeable future, almost the object of silent sympathy of the whole audience, and I was about to hear their voices of secret relief after making a comparison between their hearts and their own situation.
No matter what the occupation, the status, and the amount of money at their disposal, there is a fear of being abandoned by the times, and the fear of quietly becoming poor in the sunrise and moonset.
"The biggest anxiety of the middle class is the fear of falling out of its own class."
At this point, we are uniformly qualified to be middle class.
However, for most people, a house is only worth a book number, unless they sell their houses to cash out, leave the city where they are located, and live a small town with a huge housing price difference, and live a life that is flat, most people do not have the courage to get off the track.
Of course, there are also many people who have opened their lives, bought a few houses at the right time, sold a few sets at the right time, cashed out, went abroad or moved to a small city, and lived the life they wanted. They are generally very savvy, always keeping one or two sets in first-tier cities to continue to add value, ready to give their children school and housing, and earn rent.
If I stayed in Beijing, I am afraid that I would never have the opportunity to know such people who are called winners in life. But after moving to Dali, the neighbors, I actually found a lot of this type.
I thought they were the envy of the world, and with their sensitivity and intelligence to seize opportunities, they changed their destiny in one fell swoop and became the masters of financial freedom. The most important thing is that they have the capital to retire when they are in their prime at the age of thirty or forty.
I drooled uncontrollably into their lives.
They don't have to do anything anymore, and their main daily schedule is walking, dazed, eating, health, meeting friends, and visiting green mountains and rivers. Day after day, I capture in their eyes a kind of loneliness and helplessness of enjoying their old age. Idle for a long time, they can no longer indifferent to the wasteland of time,
I sadly found that the days of freedom and comfort were too long, too long with the busy and anxious days, and the result was the same as boredom.
As a result, some of them opened cafes and inns, and some of them renovated a house and then renovated a house regardless of investment, and traveled back and forth between the decoration site and the home from nine to five all year round. Some are committed to spending money to give back to the society, and feel the value of life in the pursuit of various institutions in the small town.
They put back the shackles they had struggled to remove, one by one.
Observing their lives, I can get a healing power, and seeing the absurdity of this drama of life will calm my fluctuating mood due to the hard work.
If the pursuit of life is tied to the external environment, and the mind turns with the situation, then when you want to be busy at the right time, you want to avoid the world when you are busy, and the days of this life are exhausted in such a roundabout turn.
In my limited knowledge, there are two kinds of people who can still stand still in the face of the winds and waves of the outside world.
One is the small street vendors I see every day on the side of the road, who are destitute compared to me, guarding a spicy hot or flapjack stall to support the family. Like most people who are kind, I always look at them with sympathy in their eyes.
Every day, I pass by more times, and I see women who will use their mobile phones to whisper music on the side of the road after busy evening work, dancing square dancing alone on the side of the road, with a face of no one's intoxication. I saw the couple selling fruit, in the rented fruit shed, set up a tall wooden box as a bedroom, half a morning I went to buy fruit, and when I spoke, I saw the man making a whispered hint to me, with a gentle face pointing to the tall wooden box, where his woman was sleeping.
I didn't have the opportunity to see the sadness behind them, but there were many friends around me who seemed to have a good life, and I didn't have the opportunity to see the sadness behind them. On the face of it, no one in these two categories is happier than anyone else.
There is also a type of person I know a lot, some of them are making pottery, some are painting, some are making tea, designing clothes, each person has different skills, all of which are ways to settle down.
The same thing is that no matter how big the house is, the studio is in the downtown area or in the mountains, all they focus on every day is the matter at hand
I told them about my experience selling my house and complained about losing a large amount of money that would have allowed me to get close to financial freedom and achieve my ideal life.
In their eyes, the house is expensive or cheap and has nothing to do with themselves, anyway, there is land to live, there is tea to drink, the rest of the energy is not enough to think about the craft in their hands.
Think about it, if you are very sure that you want to live a life, there is one thing you can do to spend the rest of your life and enjoy it, even if you suddenly win the lottery, you still live like this every day.
Most things in life, when you don't get it, you think how happy you should be, but if you really get it, you feel that it's just so.
Switching between desire and boredom after getting it, life is over.
There are a few people who have been able to jump out of this routine, and one of them has a sentence to me after half a life,
Poetry and distant places are yearning, and it is enough for the heart to enjoy a moment of tranquility. People always feel as if only far away has everything we seek, but it is not. Short-lived yearning in exchange for a lifetime of imprisonment is not acceptable to everyone. Life is travel, and get a feel for the life of the locals on the go.