Today we are going to talk about the cold violence of men. I think at least 80% of women have experienced cold violence from men who may be forcing you to compromise or just an escape. But this kind of cold violence, in fact, is still relatively harmful to women. Today I will tell you such a point of view, that is, in fact, from a psychological point of view, men's cold violence is a cowardly performance, why?
Because when a problem occurs, he has no way to solve it, only to escape. You don't feel like he doesn't talk to you or anything, he's deliberately angry with you and so on. He's not a woman, and women will "I deliberately blacked you out, I see if you can't find me", men won't.
Men are sometimes cold and violent, and it may be that his cowardly mentality is making him self-protective, just like a turtle shrinking its head in a shell, and he does not have the ability to deal with problems. So we call it cowardly psychology, so after we understand this, how will it help us to get along next?
First of all, you see, when many people click into this episode of the show, you should have had the experience of dealing coldly with your partner. In cold treatment, we treat our partners as enemies, are we two, is it true that we face each other head-on? If you think about it, husband and wife are originally a community, and if you treat each other as enemies, this feeling must not be good. Then I will teach you how to deal with it, and the cold violence of men is interpreted from the psychology of men.
The first step is to express needs and feelings, why do you say that? As the teacher just said, a man's cold violence is actually a cowardly performance, why does he have this cowardly performance? It is because he is afraid of being blamed, he is afraid of the fear of that accusation, so he will shrink back and not speak.
So if you look at this time, our normal quarrel is like this, how can you be like this, are you still a man? Wait, these things that start with you, how you do it, are all accusations. These accusations hurt him, he could only escape, I didn't want to hear, I listened to me so badly. So you see, what can we do? We can start with me, just express my needs, my feelings.
For example, let's say a turtle retracts its head into its shell, if we just put an article on a turtle. For example, take the hook to hook it, squeeze it hard, etc., do you see an effect? Basically, there is none, but we can start from ourselves, such as making something to tempt it, and I am far away from it and taking something to tempt it. Pull away a safe distance, it is not on the initiative to reach out. So how to express it? For example, you feel, you can say, every time you ignore me, I feel very insecure, always feel as if you are leaving me, this is my feeling.
Then I can express my needs, and the next time we have something, can we discuss it together, no. Put it another way, use how I am, not how you are. The second step after expression is to learn to clarify my attitude, for example, this time has passed, I can't always be like this in the future. I want to make it clear that I don't like cold violence, so why should I? I can knock on the side through the words of friends, friends' things, how to do it?
For example, you said that two days ago I had a friend whose boyfriend was cold and violent to her, and she wanted to break up now. Then you can say something like this: Fortunately, we have everything to discuss. Some people may feel that we should not say that we can't do this in the future. If you say this, the man will think that you are doing fancy, you just want to point to the mulberry locust. In fact, if you say this, it will make him, first, clear attitude, second, there is a sense of pride, I am different from him, these are two ways to solve.
And the third is the final first aid measure, what does that mean? Some people may say, teacher, I have done all these steps in front of me, but he still, what about my habitual cold violence? Then this side suggests that you change one, of course, this is a joke. In fact, if he really does this every time, you can indeed be ready to give up, but you can also give him an ultimatum. Give him another injection to see if he is still saved, S Ma dang live horse doctor, how to give him an ultimatum?
You can tell him directly that you said, I hope this is our last cold treatment, and if there is a next time, we will not be together. Of course, when you say this, you must really not want to be with the other party, and finally give him a needle, not that, after saying it, he is still like this, and then you run to coax him, then completely break your own bottom line.