"We met at 9:42 p.m. on April 3, 2013," Xiaoyang, who was talking to Ah Peng, said exactly when he met Ah Peng.
They are a couple who have been together for more than 6 years. Xiaoyang, 26, is a night market vendor; Ah Peng, 37, is a factory worker. They live together in a rental house on the outskirts of Qinzhou, Guangxi, no different from other partners, occasionally going to outdoor barbecues, singing KTV, and traveling to surrounding cities during the holidays every year. They live in this small seaside town, living a very ordinary life.
But they are slightly different from other partners. "We don't share electric razors and toothbrushes, and if I help him with his wounds, I'll wear gloves," Ah Peng said. Ah Peng did this because his partner Xiaoyang was an HIV-infected person, and he was not.
"It's okay, it's normal." When asked what it's like to be a partner with an HIV-infected person and live together day and night, Ah Peng replied.
He said they would share dishes, nail clippers and other items, "He has not detected the disease now, he has never had any complications, and his body is quite strong."
In fact, there are not a few "yin and yang love" partners like Ah Peng and Xiao Yang. Although they almost never appear in public for interviews, they live an ordinary life like all families.
Today, AIDS is still an incurable disease, but as long as it is treated according to the rules and the viral load is not detected continuously, it can maintain health without transmitting HIV to sexual partners through sexual activity. (However, due to the complexity of the real-world situation, we still recommend safe sex)
We all know that fear of AIDS is often accompanied by fear and stigma about sex. Ah Peng also does not deny that today's habits stem from understanding and companionship. In the beginning, fear was inevitable.
"Saying that he is not afraid is false, his heart will be worried and afraid," Ah Peng confessed, in the period when he just learned that Xiaoyang was infected, he often worried that he would be infected. This made him think about it a lot during those days. At that time, if he had a cold, or a sore throat caused by a fire, he would suspect that he had been "hit".
"At that time, I was really insecure," Ah Peng said, "but as the days went by, I didn't get infected, so I felt nothing."
<h1>The last thing I want to recall is a phone call</h1>
On an afternoon in October 2015, Xiaoyang was cleaning up at home as usual. It was also that afternoon that Xiaoyang received a phone call that he did not want to recall the most in his life.
It was a phone call from the Municipal Center for Disease Control and Prevention, and Xiaoyang couldn't recall what was said on the other end of the phone, but he only remembered hearing two words— "positive." The CDC informed Xiaoyang of the results of the test a month earlier and informed him to go to the blood draw for re-examination to confirm.
For this call, Xiaoyang's response was "disbelief." He didn't cry or feel bad, he was convinced that the test turned out to be an accident, and as long as he rechecked it once, nothing would happen.
Shortly after putting down the phone, Xiaoyang put down the matter in his hand and got up to go to the CDC.
At seven o'clock in the evening, Xiaoyang returned home. Lying on the bed, take out your mobile phone, open the browser, and silently type a string of keywords in the search bar, "first time", "AIDS", "test", "positive", "second time", "diagnosis", "probability".
Xiao Yang wanted to know whether the positive this time would be misdiagnosed, and if it was tested again, it would usher in a "flip". This is a question that most people have not searched for, and in the search results, Xiaoyang has seen that he is not the only one who has asked such a question.
「99.99%」。
This is the answer he synthesized after searching, "99.99% will not be misdiagnosed".
When he saw this number, although Xiao Yang's heart sank, he still held out hope, "What if I am the one in ten thousand possibility?" Immediately after, Xiaoyang spent the most difficult month of his life.
He didn't tell anyone about the phone call he got, he chose to keep himself busy, going back and forth between home and his stall every day, starting to watch TV shows, trying to make time pass a little faster, trying not to remember the phone call.
Although he has long known that as long as the medication is controlled, the life expectancy and quality of life of the infected person are almost the same as those of ordinary people. But before going to bed, Xiaoyang would still hold his mobile phone and search for "how long can I live if I get AIDS?"
At the end of November, Xiaoyang received a phone call informing him to go to the CDC to get the test results. After he arrived at the CDC, he walked straight to the counseling room and saw a staff member. After giving his name and providing his id, the staff handed him a piece of paper. Before the other party could speak, Xiao Yang took the paper, said "Wait a minute", turned his head and walked out the door.
He plucked up his courage, picked up the report, and saw that it said that he had been diagnosed positive, and next to it was Xiao Yang's name. After seeing this series of characters that he did not expect to see, reality was placed in front of him without mercy, and Xiao Yang was confused. "The sky is suddenly gray," XiaoYang said of his mood at that time.
Faced with such a result, Xiaoyang finally told himself, "That's it." Like he said, from then on, Xiaoyang began to really start to face the fact that he was an HIV-infected person.
<h1>"I was diagnosed with HIV today."</h1>
The identity of the "HIV-infected" became a mountain that weighed down on Xiao Yang, and he had to start trying to accept himself with this new identity.
"Will I die soon?", "Can I live more than 8 years", "I may not live to be 50 years old", the journey back home from the CDC will take two hours by bus. Xiao Yang had never felt that this road was so far away. He had to think about how to explain to Ah Peng, how to explain to his parents, and whether he would be discriminated against by everyone.
Xiao Yang recalled the time he ran away from home a year ago. Because of a quarrel, I came to another city in anger. I vaguely remember being maliciously infected when I met with netizens. But because I was unaware of it at the time and did not take the blocker within 72 hours, I missed the opportunity for remediation.
Nowadays, many people simply and rudely label HIV-infected people as "promiscuous" and "promiscuous". Xiao Yang was afraid that he would be "pointed out by a thousand husbands" and would be inferior from then on.
But he also knew that Ah Peng had the right to know his infection and had to tell him sooner or later. Along the way, Xiaoyang tried several times to pick up his phone and tell Ah Peng the news. But every time he lifted his phone and put it down. He didn't know how Ah Peng would react, and he didn't dare to imagine how Ah Peng would react.
On the bumpy bus, Xiao Yang thought to himself, not afraid of ten thousand, just in case, why let Ah Peng bear the risk of being infected? Along the way, he prepared for the worst.
Back at home, Xiaoyang put the report in the cupboard and waited for Ah Peng to come home. In the afternoon, Ah Peng returned home to take a break at noon. Xiao Yang plucked up enough courage and said, "I was diagnosed with HIV today and reported it in the cupboard." Then he quietly waited for Ah Peng's reaction.
Hearing this sentence, Ah Peng seemed to think that Xiaoyang was joking, so he did not respond and began to pick up the report sheet and read it. During this quiet few seconds, Xiaoyang was thinking, do you want to take the initiative to break up?
During this time when Xiao Yang hesitated, Ah Peng put down the report form and said softly, "Let's go to sleep."
Ah Peng's response was not at all what Xiao Yang expected. This also made Xiaoyang wonder if his reaction was the result of being overwhelmed, and whether he would wake up and settle accounts with himself. Although lying on the same bed, Xiao Yang could not sleep at all.
Soon after, Ah Peng woke up. Xiao Yang explained the reason to him. However, Ah Peng did not accuse Xiaoyang, did not propose to break up, but reminded him to check and consult regularly, and cared more about Xiaoyang's body than ever.
Today's Xiaoyang, after antiviral treatment, has been unable to detect the viral load in the latest test. Even thanks to a more regular schedule and exercise, the body is better than ever.
Ah Peng told Light Blue that from beginning to end, the option of "breaking up" never appeared. He also never felt that he was with Xiaoyang out of pity and sympathy. He said, "This road is difficult to walk, and when you meet someone, you must cherish it." Two people are in love, and the others don't matter. Big deal, just two people together."
When Ah Peng was speaking to Light Blue, the tone was calm and everyday. If Ah Peng can say that "HIV infection is like a chronic disease" and "usually pay attention to safety measures will not be infected" because of understanding knowledge, then he can say the phrase "two people (infected) together as a big deal", it is love that overcomes fear.
<h1>Companionship is the longest confession of affection</h1>
The movie "Longtime Companion" tells the story of a group of cohabiting male and female friends in Manhattan who were affected by the virus when the New York Times first publicly mentioned the virus.
"Ten years ago, after testing positive, some people would say that they would jump off a building to commit suicide, or spend money to travel the world, and even faint on the spot," said Han, the executive director of Light Blue Public Welfare, who has been engaged in HIV prevention and control public welfare work for more than a decade. He has witnessed the changes in the infected person in the past decade, and he has also witnessed the growth of the partner around the infected person.
Ten years ago, there were often partners who had overreactions such as violent conflicts when they found out that the other party was infected. Now this situation is almost invisible, and the current relationship between couples is being less and less affected by HIV infection.
Today, AIDS has become a chronic disease similar to high blood pressure and diabetes. Infected people do not have to discriminate against themselves. Han Xian told Light Blue that more and more people now have a correct understanding of AIDS. This kind of understanding is not to regard AIDS as the devil, nor is it not to take AIDS seriously, but it is a scientific and objective understanding.
Not long ago, the partner of an infected person who tested positive privately contacted Huan To visit his home. When She went to the appointment, she saw that he had a serious look and a strange expression, so she asked, "Is it all right?" Who knows, his tears couldn't stop flowing out at once. Han sighed, "I've never seen a person's tears flow so fast."
He thought his emotions stemmed from fear of being infected by his partner. But then he spoke his mind. It turned out that the reason for his collapse was that he was worried about the difficulties his partner would face after the infection, that he was worried that his partner would face greater health risks, that his partner would feel uncomfortable with the drug, and that he did not want his partner to be discriminated against in the future. He didn't mention himself at all.
His concerns were entirely selfless, entirely out of love.
This can't help but make people sigh, some people say that there is no love between comrades, it is because he did not see, the so-called "love across the mountains and seas, mountains and seas can be leveled." True love cannot be defeated by HIV.
Just as Ah Peng said, and as he did, loving someone is willing to give everything for him, needless to say. Companionship is the longest confession of affection.
Wen | vigorously
Braid | black onion
This article is original for light blue