Text | Zhang Qi
<h1 align="center">01 </h1>
<h1 align="center> the unloved is the third party? </h1>
In a previous comment to a third party article, I saw the following sentence: "In love, it is the third party who is not loved." ”
Because of the nature of my work, I have come into contact with all kinds of people, and I have heard such words many times, but no matter whose mouth it comes from, it seems to be expressing: You see, in a glue-like relationship, the person who is not loved is superfluous.
In fact, if we think about this sentence carefully, whose mouth does it come from more often? To whom? And what is the meaning?
After thinking about it, you will find that this sentence is more often said by a third party to the original listener, and the purpose may be the following:
First, because he knows that his position is invisible, he is eager to get rid of this identity and seek to ascend to the throne, so he chooses to kidnap the other party with "love".
Second, her perception of love itself is biased, although she knows that morality and law cannot protect herself, but the more she is opposed by the world, the more she will think that this is true feelings, they are true love.
In fact, when she uses such words to confront the original match, she is only forcibly putting a third-party hat on the original match of Zhengda Guangming, making her identity reasonable, and forcibly forcing the other party to leave with feelings.
However, this nonsensical and unconvincing sentence itself has gradually been accepted by more and more people, and it is regarded as "truth".
For the cheating party, this baseless word becomes the best weapon for them to shirk their responsibilities, and in the face of the responsibility arising from their own derailment, they can be completely pushed to "I cheated because I don't love it."
It seems that if you don't love, the relationship is over, and you can no longer be bound by law and morality. To put it bluntly, this is just a cover to evade inner responsibility and convince yourself.
For the original match, seeing the husband and the third party's qingqing me, and thinking of his indifferent attitude towards himself, in contrast to the two, it seems that he is really the one who is not loved, he is really the superfluous one, and in his heart he also silently hangs himself the label of "third party", and he also feels that he really should not hinder them anymore.
So the husband has intensified, completely throwing his own infidelity mistakes behind, treating the original match as a "third party", and more and more original partners, forgetting that they are the party protected by law and morality, are constantly kidnapped and crushed by emotions, and finally can only withdraw with scars.
Every time I see those wives who have been injured to the point of exhaustion, I am very distressed, and a line from the TV series always comes to mind: I am your eight-wheeled caravan, and the Ming media is marrying the wife who enters the door, why can't I see the light?
Oh, yes! Why is it not visible? Whether it was because of love, because of appropriateness, or because of responsibility, the marriage was determined at the moment of marriage, the relationship protected by the law and morality was determined, and no matter what happened afterwards, the marriage was originally brought together in a bright and upright manner.
Therefore, in marriage, the original match is the original match, whether it is love or not, it is not a third party.
<h1 align="center">02</h1>
<h1 align="center" > he wants passion, not responsibility</h1>
As a third party, the reason why you take this sentence as your own confidence and confront your so-called love and original match is because in your cognition, this man loves you, and he is much stronger than his original match.
But in fact? Is it really love that you feel?
In the process of a man's marriage, the responsibilities that need to be borne are increasing, the pressure from life and family is also increasing, the experience of marriage has gradually changed from the wind and snow to the rice, oil and salt, and the part of the passion that was once there has gradually become flat.
In this case, he is easy to desert from the marriage, all he needs is a relationship that can simply make him happy, and it just so happens that the emergence of a third party provides such a relationship, which allows them to escape the responsibilities in the marriage, do not need to consider too much about the pressures in life and family, just talk about love.
This is fully in line with their current standard of finding passion, to get a care and love that does not need to be responsible, so on a whim and your qingqing and me, like glue.
And the so-called love in your mouth, that unwavering feeling, is just this man's momentary passion.
He pours his extra time and energy into you, creating the illusion of love, and when the pleasure he gets from the relationship with you is reduced and the responsibilities need to be assumed are increasing, he can quit at any time and continue to look for the next relationship that is not responsible.
This alone, it can be seen that in such a relationship, this man loves not you, but himself, but you will create a beautiful and happy relationship as love, and continue to sink for this, but never thought that the other party just treats you as a spice in a dull life.
Some people may say: "He told me that his wife didn't understand him at all, we are true love, if it weren't for the children, he would have divorced a long time ago, and said that he regretted not meeting me earlier, I think he just loves me very much, I think we are true love." 」 ”
When I heard these words, I really felt helpless for your "whimsy", immersed in this false love, blinded.
Please think about it seriously, if he really loves you, there is a need to bear responsibility and cost, you let him divorce you, abandon his wife and children, let him give up his job, reputation, and give up half of his life's property, is he willing? Then look at how much you call the weight of love.
Just like our article on the soul torture of the third party: Can you cover the heat of the man snatched from someone else? As described in: Does a man really care about you and will make you bear the name of a third party? If he really values you, he will definitely help you avoid all risks, and then pursue you after dealing with family and marriage.
If he doesn't do this, it's not because he's stuck with the kids and the responsibilities, it's that you simply don't have enough weight to make him bear so many consequences.
When you are still holding the "unloved person is the third party" to convince yourself and force yourself to withdraw from the original match, you have been brainwashed by the man, you feel that he has no love for his wife, and his position is stable.
In fact, on the contrary, all the bad things he said about his wife, his own misfortunes, were deliberately shown to you, using these tools to win your virginity's heart and turn yourself into a victim.
In fact, in his marriage, the wife is not as bad as he describes, he is just amplifying his misfortune and winning your favor. But in order to defeat the original match, win his heart, continue to pay, and constantly walk into his trap.
Deep in the swamp, you are still complacent, taking it as "true feelings", in the process of continuous giving, being hung there, no name, no status, can only continue to use the so-called "love" to cheer yourself up: I am loved, not a third party.
And he thinks that you can be looked down upon, treated as a third party, and will gladly accept, so that you are more like a beggar living in the castle, on the surface of the glamorous, but in fact you are depressed.
Your feelings, seemingly romantic, but in the end there is no commitment, and in the end it is just a bamboo basket to hit the water.
<h1 align="center">03</h1>
<h1 align="center" > extramarital affair: a cage carefully woven with love</h1>
Many third parties, while being dragged by men in the name of love, are self-soothing.
Men comfort your emotions with all kinds of sweet words, making you hopeful about the relationship but not knowing when it will be fulfilled.
You think you'll always have a day in office. So I kept paying, keep working hard, and look forward to when I would be able to be just and upright.
But in the process of these continuous giving, you have walked into the cage of men on your own, and the payment for the relationship has become inertia, and the more you pay, the higher the expectations will be, and the more eager you want the other party to respond.
But the other party's front foot and you complained that "I don't love her anymore, I want to divorce", the back foot took his wife and children out to a picnic, you began to panic, worried about whether this man was lying to himself, and when asking, you would still hear the other party's complaints about his wife.
So you begin to comfort yourself, feeling that he is forced to be helpless and loves you, and "the third person who is not loved" has become a tool for you to paralyze yourself and comfort yourself.
I had met such a girl before, and in the process of understanding the situation, we learned that she was the third party of the boss.
The beginning and process of the story is roughly the same as you have heard, the girl first entered the workplace, the boss took care of her, the girl's feelings for the boss gradually changed from initial gratitude to admiration, and the boss also promised to divorce and marry her after two years of the child's college.
As the emotions invested in the relationship grew, that sense of uncertainty about the future made her grip more and more on her boss.
At first, the boss would coax her and give her various promises, but after a long time, the boss also felt bored and paid less and less attention to her.
This girl broke down even more, constantly lowered her posture, only begging the other party to come back, the more she was like this, the more annoyed the boss was, so she simply broke off with her, the boss said to go away, the break was complete, but the woman could not get out.
In this relationship, the man is just to play and covet passion, while many girls have taken a lifetime. Why do they fall into such a trap?
In fact, many girls who will do third parties, especially those who choose some older men, usually have problems in the original family, such as: lack of father's support, lack of sense of strength, always hope that someone can really become their own dependence.
So those old men who will be distressed, take care of people, and have a little ability, it is easy to make these girls fight for themselves.
It is not that they are unaware of men's ideas, but that their own concept of marriage is immature, and it is easy to be taken astray by those men.
Either they feel that they are the ones who are the exception, or they want more care and attention from each other than the identity of the third party.
So when faced with unsightly emotional states and moral condemnation, they have no way to explain, they can't convince themselves, and they have to use the excuse that "it is the third party who is not loved" to reassure themselves.
Slowly, they put their hearts into it, they can't put it down, and when the other party easily gets out, they don't know how to carry out emotional withdrawal.
If you're in such a relationship, I hope you think hard about what the relationship brings you, and whether you can get out completely when the relationship is over.
If you can't see clearly, you can look for more professional help, otherwise you will get deeper and deeper, and in the end you will only hurt yourself.
If you are the original match, and then someone kidnaps you with the words "In the relationship, the one who is not loved is the third party", you can write down these contents, go back, and tell them that whether they love or not, the third party will always be the third party!
end
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