Today I rest

Today I rest, I am very tired recently, I will not marry again, I may not be suitable for marriage, close my eyes, lie down, I feel that the body is very heavy, but I feel floating, my glasses call me accidentally crushed, I am 600 degrees myopia, a wall to go to the optical shop, I do not want to go out with friends, I do not want to go out with colleagues, nor do I want to go out with my brother, I just want to be alone in the closet, I feel good in the closet, my mother returned to Ukraine, my adoptive parents do not want me, my sister blacked me out, Snakes and snakes also blacked me, you all don't want me, I know, in fact, I felt a long time ago that I was a superfluous person in this world, I came from a pastoral area, the happiest thing when I was a child was riding a horse, I didn't have the opportunity to ride a horse later, all the happiness left me, I was so tired, I didn't want to have a future, I was a doctor for 11 years, saved a lot of people, I basically did integrity, I almost didn't accept red envelopes, every operation was seriously responsible, I would try to minimize the reimbursement of drug expenses if I was poor and had no money to seek medical treatment, Even take money to the patients myself, I don't spend it myself to spend for my ex-wife's family, I buy a house for my adoptive parents, I give living expenses every month, I haven't bought clothes for a long time, and in the new season I will pick up my brother's old clothes to wear, for my cousin to go to college, help my old family find a job, build a road for my hometown, build a house for my grandfather... Although I am not an absolutely kind person, but I treat the relatives and friends around me will do my best, my ex-wife cheated, gave birth to someone else's child, I did not beat her, my last words to her is that I never want to see you, I gave her 700,000, the child I am currently raising, this child is very poor, his parents do not want him, my father died early when I was a child, I am also a child that no one wants, but I still have a mother who loves me, and he has nothing, I am luckier than him. My grandfather taught me that only by persisting and persevering can a person see hope, but I can't hold on, I'm so tired, I must have done too much in my past life, and I was punished in this life. I am 36 years old, my father died 36, sometimes I can't put down my mother, in fact, I should die when I am hungry for 25 years old, why should I save me, how good it is that I have gone so far, these 11 years are simply hell, I have to put on a smile during the day, be a good brother, a good son, a good doctor, a good father, a good teacher, a good husband, no one can know my pain at night, I want to die, look back at my mother, feel that death is too selfish, I want to live but I can't see hope, No matter how strong I am, I also want a gentle person to care for me, not to be born or not to die, to live is better than to die, I am tired