It was as if all of a sudden, the name Wu Moxuan disappeared. After the release of "The Voice of China", she once almost occupied people's attention, endorsing Pepsi, KFC, maybe Magnet, going to Europe Fashion Week to see the exhibition, landing in New York's Times Square.
There are many speculations about her in the outside world: "eliminated by capital", "reduced to street commercial performances", "rumors have been banned", some media wrote in the headline, her disappearance, "the fall has long been foreseen".
We got in touch with Wu Mochou.
At a teahouse in Shanghai's Changning district, after three years, we met Wu Moxuan, who looked lively and relaxed, took off her shoes, sat on the ground with her legs in her arms, and went straight into the conversation. We talked to her for four hours about why Wu Moxuan disappeared.
Here's her answer.
All those who know Wu MoXuan:
Long time no see.
It has been about 3 years since I said goodbye to everyone. During this time, many enthusiastic friends helped me explain. Some people say that Wu Mo was worried about being angry, and he used to take the sky-high endorsement fee, but then he fell to a small county town for commercial performances, so he couldn't find her; some people said that Wu Mo was not good at singing, and he was eliminated by the market without Yu Chengqing covered; others said that Wu Mo was playing a big card and was banned.
I would like to provide an answer that differs from the above statement.
The direct reason was that my mother was sick, and the root cause was that I couldn't bear the stress. So, in early 2019, very suddenly, I called my agent and told her that I wanted to put aside the work at hand. This release, unconsciously, has been released for nearly 3 years.
Well, I finally said it, which made me relax a lot. Next, if you have time, I'd like to tell you my story.
6 years
Turning back the clock to 2012, I was on the blind stage of The Voice of China. The "Price tag" that made me famous in the first battle, even though everyone thought it was "fried" at the time, I wasn't so satisfied with it myself.
I've sung "Price tag" many times, and I should have been able to do it, but that time I could hear the stiffness in my voice.
The stage is a magical place. The spotlight was bright, and people on the stage generally couldn't see the audience clearly, only the four chairs in front of them, and on the other side of the chair were four tutors who could be written into music professional textbooks. I was 20 years old at the time and couldn't handle the situation very well, and excitement and nervousness coexisted.
The format of "The Voice" was very tight, and I didn't have time to deal with the chaotic excitement, excitement, and nervousness after joining the Harlem team, so I was pushed forward. After the blind selection, it was the ring match, then the group final exam, a wheel war, and finally, came the "Itch" that pushed me to the outlet of public opinion.
It was already four o'clock in the morning when it was recorded. I'm not good at staying up late, I can only beat the spirit, and the super tight leather skirt on my body makes me tight and short of breath, and I am flustered. Nervous, nervous, or nervous, finally standing on the stage, the moment the music sounded, that tension climbed to the extreme, and its direct manifestation was that I sang all the words.
But I couldn't escape, and I was put on stage, my head to catch the beat, pulling the lyrics out of my mouth, and completing the rehearsed and set action over and over again. It was a disastrous performance, and after coming down, I had never seen a performance during The Voice. Some time ago, I rummaged through my phone photo album and saw that I was singing "His and Her Story" in the bar before participating in "The Voice", which is not the same thing as the one I sang during "The Voice".
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But I won, and I made a serious mistake, and I actually defeated the singer Jinchi's sister.
At that moment, I thought, I am really XX lucky. Later, many times I thought, if only I could understand earlier that luck has weight. How did that sentence come about? "At that time, she was too young to know all the gifts given by fate, and she had already secretly marked the price."
In just a few months, I went from being a complete vegetarian to the national runner-up of "The Voice of China". This kind of acceleration is like the kind of jet in a racing game, you press it, you will "rush" forward, that feeling is very cool, but people with poor control often hit the wall.
I'm the kind of person who's out of control. The first thing that bore the brunt of the loss of control was my music.
I like R&B, I like Rap, I like trendy music, but the market doesn't give me what I want. Maybe my image of "demonizing" during the competition was too impressive, and more and more strange and funny songs came to me, such as "Dance Bottom Line", "Big Strange Thing", "Little Wild Waist" and so on. I don't reject such songs, they are very reasonable and vivid in the given scene. For example, "Dance Bottom Line", its lyrics are the language of monsters, not the language system of humans, but in "Catch a Demon", a group of monsters dance in my song, it is very comfortable and relaxed.
But when I found my job, I was always asked to sing these songs, regardless of the occasion, regardless of the situation, and frankly, I didn't feel good.
This is a vicious circle. People think that only a singer like me who is "not good at singing" can sing such songs, and then more and more songs come to me, and then I keep singing them, and then people deepen my impression of "not singing well".
And then out of control is the negative news, all kinds of negative news.
At first, people said I was having an object with my mentor, and when the reporter threw the question at me, I was like, what? Excuse me？ Then people began to ask about my father, I am not good at expression management and emotion management, I will cry when I talk about this, and soon the photos of my grinning teeth are all over the Internet, so I became "the ugliest female artist in Asia". Ugly and ugly, and a bigger news, my picture scared a kid to cry on the subway. Even today, ten years later, when people mention me, they will remember that I scared a child into crying. I still don't know who this crying child really is, and I don't even have a chance to comfort him.
I was once approached by a big-budget movie and asked me to play myself. If I had acted with a shy face at that time, it might have become another laughable news.
I confess that I have not handled my relationship with the media well. For a long time, I was very afraid of group visits by journalists. A group of people stood in a row, expressionlessly holding microphones and holding me. I don't know who is who, and sometimes I can't even tell who asked which question. I understand that this is their job, and I know that it is my job to deal with these questions, but the kind of battle always overwhelms me and doesn't do it well.
Do I explain? Many times explanations are useless. For example, there was a news story where I was playing a big name, and the evidence was a photo of a staff member helping me adjust my socks.
You see, my explanation is long and smelly, pale and boring, and no one wants to listen. But don't I explain? That's another, bigger story.
Many people tell me that to enter the entertainment industry is to have the spirit of entertainment. But I can't do it, I just take it seriously, I will compete, I will be wronged. Ten years after my debut, I threw myself wholeheartedly into my work, and I never even talked about love, so I was restrained and careful, why should I experience such a thing? I can't take it.
The last thing that got out of control was my love for music.
Can you believe it, when it was the reddest, I didn't realize that it was called red. Life is about boarding a plane that looks alike, staying in a similarly looking hotel, always surrounded by three people who are similar, and singing similar songs. So the cycle, 1 year 365 days, about 350 days are working.
Inevitably, I began to feel numb to it all, and singing and acting became a muscle memory. I think I'm a very strong person, and I don't allow myself to do that to music. Before, I could always come up with strange ideas, but at that time, I couldn't do anything, like some switch that controlled inspiration was turned off.
Music became a secondary matter. It's a conduit for brand implantation, and they appear in my work in a variety of ways, whether it's in line with my expression and expectations. It was also the fuel that helped me stand on the various podiums, but when I received these awards, I panicked and suffered, and I wanted to take my toes to cut the flat.
Finally, around 2015, I stopped listening to songs. A singer who doesn't listen to a song is a very scary thing.
I'd love to be honest and tell everyone, I'm sorry, I can't do it. But soon I curbed the thought. I know that for the audience to say this, it is just a pretense, Versailles, and more importantly, I myself feel that I am being pretentious, and I want to be anti-pretentious.
Before I was on "The Voice of China", I was just a girl who loved to sing and was quite distinctive. In school, I wore fluorescent thread hats and skateboard shoes, and in a few days the whole school began to wear them; I sang "Beautiful stupid woman", and everyone began to sing Li Wei; did you notice that I sang "Price tag" That style, even the last two years are very popular ear dyes. It felt like, when everyone was sitting, I stood up, and my personality made me the most watched person, and I was born to do that.
But throwing me into the entertainment industry and looking at it with a magnifying glass, I couldn't stand it.
I wanted to escape.
In December 2018, I recorded the last song of my new album called "Let Yourself Go". I put the song at the end because it was a song I couldn't practice. What it conveys is that you don't have to live completely in the expectations of others, regardless of your own feelings, and completely hit me. As soon as I practiced, I couldn't help but shed tears, singing out, and the melody was out of control.
I don't know if it has anything to do with this song, but then at the beginning of 2019, after knowing that my mother was sick, I called the team staff and I said, "I'll give you a squeeze, you don't get nervous." My mom is hospitalized, I'm going to take care of her, and from now on, you help me push all the work off, I'm going to rest and take nothing. ”
Later, I learned that although she was full of promises, she was very nervous at the time, and I wasn't sure if I wouldn't come out. I really didn't think about how long it would take, I said walk and watch, I didn't expect to go for three years.
3 years
During these three years, I have lived a whole new life.
The first was to completely escape from the original circle, I cut off social networking, and in the first year I almost never returned to anyone's WeChat. The next year my agent often messaged me, and I came back every two or three months to tell her I was alive.
At that time, I was really gone, and "where did Wu Mo worry about going" was news, such as "from sky-high endorsement fees to small county towns selling songs" or something. If you want to comb through this carefully, it is not on a timeline. But people can't find me, and when they see this kind of news, they may slowly become worried.
Like Yang Di, Zhang Wei, liu Wei, they usually use work as an excuse first, ask me if I want to go, I said the reason for the family, may not be convenient to go out now. If they care any further down, I'll say it's fine, don't worry, it's convenient for me to work and I'll tell you. Some people sent messages a few times, and I didn't reply.
And the concern of friends is a bit unspeakable, but I can feel it. For example, some people will suddenly say, Mo Shuo, I saw you just debuted in the game today, saw three o'clock in the morning, and think you are really very good. When I couldn't find this person, they didn't seem to expect a reply from me, just to express their feelings for me.
Jinchi's sister also sent a message saying: "Momo, I suddenly dreamed of you yesterday, I don't know what's wrong with you, can you tell me?" ”
I was really touched, but still said sister, I am very happy that you sent me this, but don't worry. I really don't understand myself.
After my debut, I was sometimes afraid that others would understand me, and I always didn't want to make myself clear. In those years, watching gossip could always cue out of nothing, and I didn't want to become news, thinking that at least I had cut off my output, so I simply didn't say anything.
I don't refuse, I don't ask for help, even in the face of an agent. Before the break, I felt that my life was out of control, so I let her change her work meals to vegetarian. It was actually I who needed to prove to myself that I was in control of my life. She knew I loved meat and asked me what was wrong, and all I could say was to tell you when I was ready. It wasn't until the second year of rest that I was able to talk to her about that.
My rest life is really good, and I adapted on the first day I came home. My daily schedule is simple, except to take care of my mother is to read books and learn some English. As a person who can't stay up all night, after I go home, I live according to the "Yellow Emperor's Inner Classic", sleep at 9 o'clock, start at 5 o'clock, and watch the sunrise every day. Let me show you a few pictures.
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In such an environment, I gained unexpected relaxation. In these 3 years of life, I have been particularly adaptable from the first day, knowing that I have finally found the calm that my heart desires.
I later reflected that when people have to breathe, in an environment that does not let you breathe, the mind cannot jump out. After jumping out and starting to breathe, without deliberately following, the idea will naturally be much clearer.
Of course, there will be occasional anxious times, seeing that in the circle of friends, other friends are working, I will think, will I never go back in the future. The entertainment industry is cruel, and this worry is not empty. But that wasn't enough to get me back into the entertainment industry.
The saddest thing for me was that during my break, I found out: Oh my God, I still like to sing. I thought I didn't like music anymore, and even left the entertainment industry for a long time in order not to sing, and when I relaxed, I found that I was still like this, still liked it so much. I felt like I had failed to sing.
I didn't go to KTV, I used to sing hurt at work, but during the three years of recuperation, I started using some music software. I'm going to record songs very carefully, because the feeling of recording songs with headphones is very similar to the feeling of wearing ears on stage. I can sing Su Yunying and Huang Ling, and they are all good voices for singing R&B. Usually I can't go through it all at once, I have to record it several times, hoping to find the best state. But I didn't send out any of these songs.
Music is something I have to take seriously.
future
I had no idea of coming back until my big boss called and said, Mo Shuo, the new season of "The Voice of China" is about to start, I need you.
I would say yes because of my agency and my big boss, they are like my elders. When I proposed to rest, the company leader said that after the game, half of the company's country and mountains were played by Wu Moxuan, and now she wants to rest. And my big boss also told me that I was worthy of the company before, and now I have to be worthy of my family. During the two years I suspended, the only phone call he had was when he called and asked me if I needed any help, like finding a hospital in Shanghai. After the phone call, I knew that he could really understand me, and I hadn't done it in vain for so many years. Now people need me, and I can't fail them.
It just so happens that "The Voice" is also an important starting point in my life, and I want to take advantage of the opportunity of ten years to rush and test whether I can break the previous strange circle.
Just came back or took some time to adapt, when I took image photos, one person for half an hour, I shot for an hour and a half, the first day of recording was afraid of timidity, especially active.
It was my agent who saw that something was wrong, and asked me in person that night, are you extremely excited because you are a little afraid, but you want to try to do a good job? I immediately cried.
I have not refused any work. I'm afraid of failing the people who nurtured me, and I'm afraid of failing the people who pay attention to me. In those 6 years, the only time I said no was to sing a theme song of a movie, which had lyrics called "I have such a dog, the name is Mo Shuo", I really couldn't sing it, so I asked the staff to contact each other to change it. Soon I told myself again, don't be angry, you should be open-minded, isn't this the spirit of entertainment?
But the night my agent and I talked, I thought, I have already walked the road before, and this time I came back, maybe I can take a different road.
I began to think differently. In the past two years, I have stayed away from the industry, watched some variety shows, and learned to look at the program from the perspective of the audience. Two days ago I was singing on Douyin, there was a comment that told me not to sell miserable, go to move bricks early, I also replied: "Is there a more relaxed job?" "My agent brushed it, couldn't believe it was me back, and came to ask me specifically. I'm really fine. To them, Wu Mo Shuo is just a symbol for entertainment, not me, so what's not to joke about?
Besides, it's not all about me. Two days ago I met Han Meijuan, and he actually said that he had liked me for nine years since he was 12 years old. I know this state, just like I like Li Wei and Xiao Yaxuan, a sister who walks ahead of you and encourages you to be maverick with actions, there must be a filter in your heart.
I realized that I was able to pass on my confidence to others, and there were many people who were encouraged by my performances.
For their sake, I also have to stand up, show up, and put on small makeup. As for how to sing the songs you want to sing and let everyone know that I am a serious person who sings, I will leave it to time.
In the past, I was like a clam, tighter and tighter, refusing to communicate because I cared too much about what others thought and forgot to ask myself. But in fact, it is not a shameful thing to express, acknowledge vulnerability, and make demands. For someone as serious as I am, the world will not be stingy to respond.
So, am I a loser? Yes or no, let's decide. At the very least, I'm thankful that I pressed the pause button 3 years ago.
Finally, let me tell you a secret, my bangs were fake for two years! Hahaha.
"Momo has never said so much to any media outlet." After four hours of interviews, Wu Moxuan's agent said this to us.
Wu Moxuan initially refused our interview.
The agent directly informed us of Wu Mochou's recent situation on the phone, and then euphemistically proposed that Wu Mochou's emotions once needed to be digested after seeing the interview outline. We did not force it, but the agent handed Wu Moxuan a letter, hoping that she would not have any pressure, the interview does not necessarily mean staring and judging, this conversation can not be an interview, if she still feels vulnerable and uneasy, we can suspend the conversation at any time, or not publish it.
Wu Moxuan agreed, and the self-report was sent out with little change.
We asked Wu Moxuan, do you worry about this article being sent out, everyone will think that you are selling miserable and paving the way for a comeback? She said she wasn't worried, and she chose to say it to encourage more people who, like she once were, trapped in emotional traps.
"I can't say now, I don't care about anything, I look away, then I'm still lying like before." But I'm really getting better now, being able to let myself go, being able to admit vulnerability. Wu Moxuan said.
This is our original intention to be the "League of the Frustrated". We believe that the courage to face it will trump a thousand tossing and turning, just as Wu Moxuan hopes that her story will encourage more people to "let themselves go". The opposite of "frustration" is not "gaining ambition", but "escaping".
The singer chants "Don't mention the ups and downs of the name, don't forget the original intention of the childish ambition", but how easy is it to do it? We ordinary people are so afflicted with gain and loss and insatiable greed that we will be proud in good times and discouraged in adversity. Living with failure requires training.
Therefore, the dialogue with the "frustrated" is not a curiosity to explore the pain of others, but to try to find our way to face difficulties and helplessness through dialogue with the "frustrated".
What does it take to reconcile with failure? Courage, cleverness, anger, despair....
We're not clear enough, and we're still looking.
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