Appreciation of the United States 丨 Lamp Author: Ba Jin Recitation: Wang Hui

Author: Ba Jin Recitation: Wang Hui

I woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, felt suffocated, and got up on the porch to breathe the cold night air.

The night was pitch black, and beneath my feet seemed to be a sleeping sea, but gradually it floated up like a wave on the gray-white road. Then the black of the night gradually fades. Where is the mountain, where is the house, where is the vegetable garden, I finally can tell.

On the right, a few lights shot out from several bungalows in the hill building, which lighted the dark color for me.

I looked at the lights, which were dim yellow and seemed to be trembling slightly under the onslaught of the cold. Once or twice I thought the lights would go out. But in the blink of an eye, the dim yellow light lit up again in front of him. These lamps that were still lit late at night, and they (and seemed to be the only ones) silently spread a little light and heat, not only to me, but also to those who could not sleep in the cold nights, and to the walkers who were still groping in the darkness at this time. Yes, wasn't there a rush of footsteps over there? Who came back from the city to the countryside? After a while, a dark shadow dangled in front of my eyes. The shadow walked extremely fast, as if it were running, and as if it were slipping, and I understood the mood of the man in a hurry to go home. Then, I think that in this person's eyes and heart, the lights in front of them will appear brighter and warmer.

I've had this experience myself. Only a faint light, even a little light that seemed to be extinguished by darkness at any moment, could encourage me to walk a long way. Large sheets of flying snow hit my face, my shoes were occasionally stuck in muddy dirt roads, and the wind was going to knock me down in the mud several times. I seemed to have walked into a maze, never to find the exit, unable to see the end of the road. But I always stood up and stepped forward, because I saw a little bean-sized light. Lights, no matter whose light it is, can give directions to pedestrians, even a stranger like me.

This was many years ago. There have been many big changes in my life. Now I'm standing on the porch looking at the light at the foot of the mountain, isn't that the same light as it was from many years ago? I don't see a difference! Why? Am I not standing quietly on the porch in front of my building now? I didn't touch the night road in the rain. But when I saw the light, I suddenly felt comforted and encouraged. Could it be that my heart wanders in the night; it is led into a trance by nightmares, and only then does it find its way back?

I cannot give a definitive answer to this question of myself. But I knew that my heart was gradually settling down and my breathing was much happier. I should be thankful for the lights in the homes of these people I don't know the names of.

They don't light the lamp for me, and I don't appear in their dreams. But my heart still gets the benefit. I love lights like this. Although the glimmer of a few lamps or even a lamp cannot illuminate the darkness, it will also bring a little courage and warmth to some sleepless people in the cold night.

The lighthouses of the lonely sea have saved many ships from sinking, and any ship that sails can be guided by that light. The sister on Harish Island lit a lone lamp in front of the window for her brother, and although she did not recall the brother who had sailed away, many neighbors who had returned from fishing received its help.

Go back in time. The torch lit by the ancient Greek priestess Hilo lit the eyes of Leandall, who came across the strait every night. One night a storm extinguished the torch and drowned the brave lover in the sea. But the blazing light of the fire still faintly shines before our eyes, and it seems that the torch did not sink to the bottom of the sea with the martyred ancient beauty.

None of these lights burned for me, but even I received a little of their favor—a little light, a little heat. Light dispelled the darkness in my soul, and heat contributed to its development. A friend said, "We don't live by eating rice alone. "Of course I am the same. My heart often floats in the dark sea, and if it were not for the guidance of the light, it would one day sink to the bottom of the sea forever.

I am reminded of the story of another friend: he threw himself into a river in Jiangnan with incurable wounds and a mortal heart. When he reached the water, he heard a cry ("Save! "), saw a little light, and in the blur he heard a noise, and then he lost consciousness. When he woke up, he found himself lying in a stranger's house, with an oil lamp on the table and several sincere, kind faces in front of him. "After all, there is still warmth in this world," he thought gratefully, and since then he has changed his attitude towards life. "Despair" was gone, "pessimism" was gone, and he became a positive person who loved life. This was twenty or thirty years ago. I also met this friend recently. That little light actually inspired a man who went out to ask for death to live many more years, and made him still alive. I didn't talk to him about the lights. But I thought that little glimmer must still be shaking in his mind.

In this world, the lights don't go out—I think, I think, I don't feel like I'm smiling at the other side of the mountain.

When I have a cup in my hand, facing my old friend on the bed, it is clear between life and death, but there is no sense of life. Or when people are helpless, their feelings will be numb for a while.

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