Author: Xue Er (Parents Intensive Reading Creator)
Children who are delayed by the tyranny of their parents carry pain all their lives
Recently watched the interview program "Hello Daddy" hosted by Li Meng, which is very emotional.
Wei Tour, who was the overall champion of the 2017 Happy Male Vocal Voice, a talented, handsome boy who could not help himself when he talked about his father.
At the age of two, Wei Tour, who was able to casually hum "Sister, you boldly move forward..." inherited the talent of the father of the literary troupe, which made his father mixed.
His father's treatment in the literary troupe was not good, and he thought that "there is only a literary troupe in the world" and he could not see the way out for the musicians.
After Wei Tour went to school, his studies have not been excellent, and he has been immersed in the music world with headphones all day, and his father, who is ashamed and angry, threw all his toys into the trash can.
In addition to music, those toy cars are Wei Tour's favorite, for which he is sad and crying, and when he becomes an adult, he will always think of those toys that have brought him childhood happiness, and his heart will still faintly ache.
However, this was only the first step in his father's obstruction of his pursuit of his dreams, and whenever he heard Wei Tour singing, he would scold him for not doing his job. He also broke the piano he had saved up to buy, and scolded him for forbidding "playing music."
He saw himself as a dream that could illuminate the future, and was regarded by his father as a terrible flood beast.
In order to prevent Wei From applying for the art school, his parents tried everything they could, and he finally applied for the Wuhan Institute of Physical Education, in order to stay away from his parents and have a free space.
As a result, Wei Tour began to play musically, forming his own band in his spare time in college, and began to participate in many music competitions.
Perhaps, it is this hard-won "freedom" that makes him cherish it and pay several times the efforts of ordinary people to catch up with his dreams, but in this process, his father's shackles and various blows have become a lingering shadow for his life, and almost killed his lifelong pursuit.
The way parents think it is right is pushing their children into a desperate situation step by step
Wei Tour's father was frank, and did not expect that his behavior would cause so much pain to the child, because his limited cognition and authoritarianism had delayed the child's golden time of learning music for six years.
He said: "I was really wrong, thinking that the life path I designed for him was the most correct. ”
Educator Sukhomlinsky once said that family education is the first chapter of education, and in the family, parents are the most meticulous and talented sculptors.
Every parent should be the sculptor of the child, according to their own talent to help modify the most perfect mold, but we often like to force the modification according to the image in our minds.
My cousin's children have loved sports since childhood, especially basketball, and she and her husband hope that their children will become a lawyer when they grow up, and they will enroll him in various classes, and they have applied for 3 language training classes alone.
Once, the child's math test only scored 90 points, and the cousin-in-law took the child's ball with a kitchen knife to "split" in a huff, and said: This family has it without me, and I have no it!
The child ran out crying and hid, and the cousin called the police and mobilized all the relatives and friends, and finally found the hungry son in the neighbor's garage.
Who could have imagined how helpless this desperate child, a man who resisted hunger and the fear of darkness, should be.
The enthusiasm for dreams and hobbies, the helplessness and pain of parental coercion have become the main colors of childhood.
I know that a child posted that parents never know that their children also hold the feeling that "love is precious, life is more expensive, and if it is for freedom, both can be thrown away".
Some time ago, Ying Zi in the hit drama "Little Joy" wanted to enter the Astronomical Meteorological Institute, but her mother forced Kao Qinghua, who had been suppressed for a long time, was depressed, bent on death, and only wanted to get out of her mother's control.
Parents design their lives for their children in the way they think is right, but they don't know that this is the persecution that pushes them to the desperate situation of life, and regards children as the only way to achieve their life goals, so that they can live as they hate.
Excellent children who are forced out by their parents suffer from "hollow heart disease"
According to a survey released by Professor Xu Kaiwen of Peking University, 30.4% of Peking University freshmen suffer from "hollow heart disease", although they strive to achieve results, they feel that they are just living according to the logic of others, and they lack a sense of meaning and motivation in their hearts.
Forced out by their parents, the so-called excellent children have suffered from "hollow heart disease", they have no goals in life, and they have become marionettes for their parents.
"Speak Up" has a program in which the 34-year-old single female doctoral mother has done various things to her, and several times she has lost control of her emotions at the scene and collapsed and cried.
She wanted her mother to make a change, to let her go, to let her live her life. It took decades for the daughter to become what her mother had hoped for, passing the tenth grade of piano, being admitted to the doctorate, and reading the major she requested.
However, such an excellent daughter is not happy at all, inferior, depressed, and forced by her mother to go on blind dates 50 times in half a year.
I can't be the Lord in my own life, so why am I still alive? This is the source of the pain that the female doctor has been struggling with in her heart.
Once life does not have its own goals, the children's future will lose the lights.
Under the excessive interference of parents, children who have been stifled out of their dreams either become more and more rebellious, or become "obedient boys" with hollow heart disease and live their lives under the arrangement of their parents.
Not long ago, a mother asked for help online, saying that her son was in his 30s and still did not do his job all day, either drinking or sleeping at home.
After some psychological counseling by the reporter, this spiritually entrusted young man said the reason for self-abandonment:
No matter what he wanted to do, his mother would deny it, feeling like a puppet and completely unable to control his life.
Gibran said that the greatest sorrow of parents is that they can set the life of their children, but often in exchange for a tragedy.
Your child is not your child, he is himself, what you think is not necessarily suitable for the child, and using coercive means on him can only destroy his life with his own hands.
Give the steering wheel to the child, the parents only need to be a co-pilot
More than 100 years ago, Lu Xun mentioned in "How We Should Be Fathers": one is to understand children; the second is to lead children; the third is to liberate children.
Most parents who can do this are based on the principle of respect for their children, discover their children's interests and talents, and guide them with an objective attitude.
Mao Xiao, a student in Changsha, obtained the qualification to guarantee Tsinghua in his first year of high school, and received an acceptance letter from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the United States in his third year of high school.
Mao was once also a "bear child" in the eyes of the teacher, he was very naughty, but also obsessed with computer games, dad in order to avoid him playing games, set up a blocking program on the computer, did not expect to be easily cracked.
His parents discovered his potential in programming, they guided him, and Mao also changed from loving to play games to loving to study programming, he immersed himself in the world of programming every day, and realized his inner creativity and ideas through programming.
Later, he won the gold medal in the National Informatics Olympiad for four consecutive years, represented the country on the world stage, and properly counterattacked to become a school bully.
Educationalist Sukhomlinsky said:
What children try to do in the process of growing up, they should be allowed to do it, and give children a free development environment to help children grow better.
Children's cognition of the world is perfected from repeated explorations, and the process of pursuing life goals will inevitably experience the pain of phoenix nirvana, which is a necessary process of growth.
If parents set their lives for them with limited cognition, they will surely make them become angels with broken wings.
Understand the growth of children, lead them to the right direction, liberate children's enthusiasm for exploring life, give them the steering wheel, and we will do a good job of co-piloting, which is the best education for children.
About the author: Xue'er, the mother of an 8-year-old boy, yearns for the poetry of the distant place and also indulges in the current stubbornness, likes to write words with temperature, and is willing to encourage you and me in the warm years. This article was first published by parents intensive reading (ID: bmnfrc), the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Life"
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