Can you let me go with you?

I have always been very serious about thinking: I am not a man with a lot of emotions, I am a man with rich feelings! Because in my memory, there are many stories about love, I often lament the love in the story, and often shed a handful of tears for their sorrows and joys in love...

Love in the world is nothing more than two forms of existence: one is that you love him, he loves you; the other is that you don't love him, he loves you; he doesn't love you, you love him... If there is a third form of existence it could be that you don't love him in marriage, he doesn't love you... In this troubled and all kinds of love, some people love frankly, some people love humility; some love is vigorous and sweet; some love is cowardly, weak, astringent and bitter; and some love is cold and cold, miserable and miserable...

The story I want to tell today belongs to that kind of cold and cold love, and the reason why it is cold and clear may be because this is originally a love story that I love you and have nothing to do with you... To this day, it's hard for me to clearly understand what kind of complex emotions lurk in this...

The junzi brother and Bao Yatou in the story, and I both live in the same alley, the man in the east of the second house, the woman in the west of the first, this alley of the old and young people live in more than twenty households, my home is in the middle of the alley, the alley as the name suggests is actually a slightly wider is not too straight aisle, south facing the street, north facing the wall ...

Although the family lives in an alley, although the parents all work in one place, this does not mean that the family conditions are equal... There is a clear boundary between this, the west side of the house area is larger than the middle one, the middle house area is larger than the east east side. The house on the west side has a yard, the house in the middle has an eaves and a doorway, and on the east side is a row of bungalows... In the 1970s and 1980s, there were very few families in our city who had private homes, and most of them lived in public housing. Units are divided into housing, do not look at seniority, do not contribute, only rely on the level of the position, artificial design to open the distance, divided into three, six and nine and so on... There is no doubt that the bungalow of the Junzi brother's family cannot be compared with the unique courtyard of the Bao yatou family, but in the eyes of simplicity and innocence, because of the small age, we cannot experience the difference between these faces and essences...

As long as I can remember, we have lived in this alley, when the military brother often took a group of us younger than him, jumping around in the alley, and the treasure girls who were younger than our group of people always liked to play behind us... The area where we played and played every day was concentrated in the eastern part of the alley, where we children could not beware of the serious rebuke of the adults in the west. At that time, there were no street lights installed in the hutong, flashlights were relatively scarce, dark walkways, often by the west side of the Bao Yatou in front of the courtyard door of the bright light, sometimes, play a little late, the military brother one hand to hold me, the other hand holding bao yatou, from the east to the west of the yatou door, wait for the yatou mother to open the courtyard door, and then turn back to the middle to send me home... Later, Brother Junzi used an empty canned box left over from Bao Yatou's family, carrying a few candles destroyed by his parents and melting them into the box, a chalk dipped in wax oil, inserted in it as a lamp twister, and drilled a few small holes in the mouth of the box, took a thin foreign silk string, and finally used a wooden strip as a handle on his hand, so that a lamp that referred to the principle of kerosene lamp combined with the lantern style was done, and in the following period of play until dark, Junzi Brother held the lamp in one hand, and held the hand on the head as usual, and I followed behind to send us home in turn. Because the girl was low at that time, she would often let the black smoke from the wax oil burn her own small face, smoke black and white pieces, and provoke her mother to count her and take me and the military brother with her..... At the age of going to school successively, Brother Junzi gradually alienated our group of younger playmates, and as the age and grade increased, this estrangement became more and more distinct... Maybe there is more homework in the upper grades than in the lower grades? Maybe the size difference in age leads to mental disparities over time? Anyway, since we went to school, we will meet a lot of new classmates, new friends...

The school was in the east direction of the hutong, when the junzi brother was in the second year of junior high school, I reached the last year of the primary school stage, and Bao Yatou also became a third-grade freshman who did not need to be picked up and dropped off by his parents when he went to and from school... At that time, the hutong was also newly installed with several street lamps, and as soon as it was dark, the street lights of the entire alley were invariably illuminated. Only occasionally when the power goes out, I think of the lamp made by brother Junzi...

The street lights are there, but the human feelings are gone. In that year, the unit housing reform was implemented, and as long as the individual paid a certain amount of money, the original collective house became the individual house. Brother Junzi's father, who had been a warehouse manager all his life, because he was dissatisfied with the public housing reform plan formulated by the leader of the unit, that is, Bao Yatou's father, not only completely blushed with Bao Yatou's father, but also went to the leaders of the superior unit to reflect the problem, so that in the end, the father of the servant lost an opportunity for a job adjustment and promotion because of this matter, and since then, the two adults have completely formed a grudge...

The reason why Brother Junzi's parents gave Brother Jun's name a military character is that they hope that Brother Junzi will become a soldier in the future, and Brother Junzi's wish to play small is to one day wear a military uniform... That year, the military brother did not enter the university, that year he signed up to join the army, the military brother's father unit issued a political review opinion, it is said that Bao Yatou's father did not let it pass, just like this, the military brother missed the opportunity to join the army as a soldier ...

In the second year that Junzi Brother became an unemployed youth in society, Bao Yatou went to the first year of high school, and that year I also reached the third grade of high school where I was most nervous... At this time, Brother Junzi has become a street jerk who is a bit famous in this alley and nearby places.

From a young man with lofty ideals to a street hooligan, how much gap do you have to bear in your heart? During the holiday when I returned to my hometown in my sophomore year, Brother Junzi told me the answer: I have the heart to die! It was also during that time that I gradually learned a little about the story of Brother Jun and Bao Yatou, strictly speaking, the love story of a person of Brother Junzi...

It was a drunken time when Brother Junzi confided to me a long period of his own mental journey over the years... Junzi brother said that playing in the hutong for a while, he purely took Bao Yatou as his sister, after going to school, as he grew older, he slowly had a hazy feeling about some girls who came into contact with him, as if he understood some things, once he came home from school, at the mouth of the hutong, Bao Yatou saw him, pulled Junzi brother's hand and did not throw away, had to let Junzi brother take her to play, there was a moment, he actually had an inexplicable, unclear abnormal feeling... Brother Junzi said that since then, he felt like a thief, lest someone see what he was, so he began to alienate the children in the alley... Especially when I happen to see bao yatou have a sense of guilt, and with the age of a little older, this sense of guilt becomes more and more intense, especially when Bao Yatou comes out and becomes a big girl,...... He almost didn't dare to look at his own eyes and Bao Yatou's eyes, every night when it was quiet, he couldn't restrain his impulsive and dirty thoughts, and after he was finished, he fell into a deep guilt, he shouldn't have desecrated Bao Yatou like this, and it was like this, torturing him for a long time,...... It was at that time that he went to sign up to be a soldier, but in fact he could not face Bao Yatou, he wanted to escape from this alley and go to a distant place... Let his heart get some comfort, get a little peace... In the end, he did not leave as a soldier, he was a bit self-destructive, self-depraved, and all day long he was either drinking and fighting, or fighting and drinking... To tell the truth, he also wanted to hate Bao Yatou's father in his heart, but he couldn't hate it, after all, it was a relative who loved Bao Yatou; he wanted to love Bao Yatou well, but he didn't dare or want to fall in love with Bao Yatou himself... Every time, when Bao Yatou came back from evening self-study and passed by the door of Junzi Brother's house, Junzi Brother could hear her footsteps, and when the footsteps walked away a short distance, he would follow Bao Yatou out of the door, from east to west, after walking through this alley... Three years! For three whole years, I walked silently with Bao Yatou for three years... Sometimes, he can even dream that a bad guy appears in this alley, appears in front of Bao Yatou, ready to bully Bao Yatou, and when he is in danger, he comes forward... Brother Junzi said that he was often touched by his heroic feat of saving the United States in his dreams... But when I woke up, I was really scared: worried that Bao Yatou would be hurt in reality... He often hovered on the edge of love and non-love, unable to dispel his loneliness and sorrow, and he also wanted to leave this county town where he had lived for more than twenty years, to find a place where no one knew him, to find a place where there was no treasure... But where can he go? He can't forget wherever he goes, and he can't hide from everywhere, because Bao Yatou has always been in his heart...

Originally, I wanted to end the love story about Junzi Brother at this point, but after all, I still wanted to do something for Junzi Brother, although I felt sorry and sad about the final ending!

Brother Junzi's heroic dream of saving the United States has finally reappeared in real life, but it is not as beautiful as he imagined...

In the year of my senior year, throughout the summer, I was busy looking for a job in the provincial city that I was satisfied with, and I ended up returning to my hometown with a loss. On the day of coming back, I knew about the junzi brother: Bao Yatou came back this holiday, led her a college male classmate, this night, Bao Yatou and the two people attended the classmate party, there was a laughing walk home, a few hi after the powder seemed very excited little bastard, blocked in the east of the alley mouth, to bao yatou pull and pull, Bao Yatou male classmate is a foreigner, in the face of a few local hooligans can only blindly give in... Before a few little bastards could make further moves, Brother Junzi came up and threw a few punches and kicks, and Brother Junzi said to Bao Yatou: Yatou, you go home first! Bao Yatou's male classmate immediately pulled on Bao Yatou and walked away... It was just the end of the matter! It was because brother Junzi finally felt angry, or in order to vent his depression, he carried those little guys and taught a lesson..... On the morning of the third day after the fight, Uncle Pan, who got up early in the morning to hang out in the alley, found Brother Junzi, who was sitting paralyzed on the ground against the corner of the wall, with a large piece of blood that had solidified under him, a pair of eyes half open and half closed, and the corners of his mouth still had an evil smile, but the person was out of breath... Afterwards, according to an old classmate of the Public Security Bureau, the gang that stabbed the brother of the army was the one who wanted to bully Bao Yatou at the mouth of the hutong two days ago... Speaking of poking people's motives, the confessions were unanimous: they said that it was not because the military brother beat them too hard that night, so they thought of taking revenge...

I don't know why Brother Junzi finally laughed? Is it not worth laughing at yourself? Or are you glad you're relieved? In the third year after the death of Junzi Brother, Bao Yatou also married someone... But I don't know if the man is the one that Bao Yatou brought back that year... According to the county's planning, the hutong is also facing demolition...

When the alley that accompanies us through the most precious childhood, adolescence, and youth time of our lives has now become a street garden, how many people can pass by here remember or know the person named Junzi? He left his young life, the love that had nowhere to stay, here forever...