Now we pay more and more attention to our own personality, and the quality of personality will also determine the success or failure of doing things. Today's parents also attach great importance to their children's personality, because the cultivation of personality will be affected by the family or social environment. In order to develop a better personality, we need to know what kinds of personalities people have and the reasons for forming them.
The famous psychologist Adler is known as the founder of "individual psychology", Adler divided personality into four types, namely dominant personality, dependent personality, avoidant personality and social interest personality.
The first kind of dominant personality, this kind of personality people like to dominate and dominate others, what are the manifestations of the dominant personality, such as the children in the family have to play with the tablet, do not play, they will play tricks, they will not eat, and they will complain to their grandparents, which is the dominant personality. In school, the children of the dominant personality will often find ways to prove that I am better than you, and you have to listen to me. When they face the teacher and disobey discipline, when the teacher is too lazy to discipline, they win, and they want the other party to compromise instead of themselves.
The biggest reason for this character formation is affected by the family environment, some parents no matter what the child wants or does wrong, every time is unprincipled to the child to compromise, the parent's compromise is to constantly give the child positive feedback, let them believe that they can, and should dominate others. For example, children at home often say, "You go and get this thing for me" or "I'm the right one to listen to me." This is the misconduct of dominating the family.
For parents, we need to understand that a dominant personality and "leadership" are two different things. People with leadership gain the active support of others precisely through cooperation and compromise. People with dominant personalities always have the urge to control others, but they may not really have the ability to control others.
The second kind of dependent personality, this kind of personality of the person lacks initiative, does everything to hope that others help them to make ideas, or arrange everything well, unwilling to accept the challenge, get by, and easily fear and anxiety when encountering problems. For example, some adults are frustrated in learning or work, they begin to give up on themselves, do not want to go to school, do not want to go to work, want to lie flat at home, anyway, there are people at home to cook and eat, some people give money to spend, why are they so tired, the result has been lying down, have lost themselves.
What we usually call Ma Bao Male is a typical dependent personality. I will not explain the performance of Ma BaoNan here, I think everyone understands it very well. The biggest reason for the formation of this personality is that the family has taken care of it too thoughtfully since childhood, everything has been arranged, eating open, dressing and reaching out, so that after growing up and leaving home, it is still unconsciously continued to rely on others, and it is taken for granted that others are good to themselves.
Therefore, as a parent, we must cultivate the independence of our children from an early age, do our own things, even if we do not do well at the beginning, we must let the children complete independently, and then we must do it slowly. We have to believe that the child can do it.
The third type of avoidant personality, this kind of personality is a person who is cautious when doing things, afraid of failure. If this type of person feels that there is something they can't do, they simply don't do it and choose to avoid it. One reason they avoid problems is the fear of losing face if they fail. For example, a few classmates chatted, a classmate gave everyone a puzzle, some people said that I was not interested in this, but he actually did not want to lose face in the end. Choosing not to participate, there is an excuse to say, I am not not going to do it, but I just haven't done it.
The fourth type of social interest personality, their style is to be able to cooperate with others, like to interact with people, warm-hearted, will consider others, the formation of this personality is because of the understanding and respect of family members when they are young, the family environment is harmonious, and it is easy to form such a personality.
Can personality change?
Adler believes that each of us has one of these four personalities. You can look at yourself and see which one is more pronounced on you. Or measure the friends around you and see what kind of people they are. However, the boundaries of the four personalities actually have a certain ambiguity, and in daily life, they may not show obvious characteristics. However, in extreme situations, such as encountering difficulties and fierce competition, people with different personalities often show their own characteristics.
Although the first three types have different specific performances, they have one thing in common, that is, they are used to making excuses for themselves and avoiding problems, and Adler believes that this is inferiority.
First, we must recognize our own shortcomings and find the reason for our inferiority. Many people have a sense of inferiority, which is normal, it is not terrible in itself, do not worry, find the reason to untie the knot in their hearts.
Second, don't construct self-deluded dreams.
Third, when encountering problems, we must solve them in the order of "perception, thinking, and action".