Text | pocket
Columnist for International Education at Junior Business School
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Last year's Berlin Film Festival was definitely the highlight of Chinese films: actors Wang Jingchun and Yong Mei won the Best Actor and Actress Award for "Long Days on Earth" directed by Wang Xiaoshuai.
But did you know that the film queen of Wing Mei ("The Long Day") was almost robbed by a ten-year-old girl - this girl is the heroine of the movie "System Breaker" Benny played by Helena Lee. Zenger.
The ten-year-old heroine's acting skills exploded, showing a hysterical saboteur, her extremely fragile and scarred heart, and performing a sense of pain.
As soon as "System Breaker" was released, the freshness of Rotten Tomatoes (foreign film review websites) was as high as 94%, and later directly represented Germany in the Oscar for Best International Film, which is enough to prove the excellence of this film.
What special story can a ten-year-old girl have that has aroused everyone's keen attention?
She is a child and a demon
Benny, 9, blonde, with a smile as sweet as ice cream. But in fact, she suffers from serious mental illness, irritability, mania, plus she is energetic, powerful, aggressive, very dangerous.
At the beginning of the film, she is emitting a beast-like roar, spitting at the teacher, chasing a group of children by herself, no one can hold her down, the Buddha blocks the killing of the Buddha, and the people block the killing.
Only to see her pick up the toy car, a few clicks to smash the glass, anti-collision glass... Or made in Germany!
Any little irritation would make Benny explode. The swear words are still gentle, she can take off her pants in the daytime and pee at the teacher's door, can you believe it?
Grab things if you want, grab your classmates, grab the store.
Hit someone, slap down the face full of flowers.
The teacher told her to go to school, and the split head was a knife, cut you?!
Here is the 9-year-old little Lori, the reincarnation of the whole magic child, the correctional home was turned upside down by her, and people were panicked.
The teacher said, "I wish I could lock up my child now." ”
Hahaha, how can a teacher blindly say such a big truth, is not forced by her!
Because of her bad deeds, there was no place to take Benny in, and she set a record of being rejected by 37 agencies. If this continues, she will only be sent to a correctional base in Africa.
It was then that the agency hired Benny with an anger management coach, and the title was professional.
His name is Michael, he is tall and tall, his face is cold, and he is a cruel person at first glance, specializing in juvenile disobedience. Under Michael's discipline, Benny did have a 180-degree reversal, what is the magic of Misha?
Misha's success lies in two words – special.
Although "System Breaker" is a film about special children, the role of Misha is particularly worthy of careful study by parents, such as his professional skills and experience in communicating and emotional interaction with children, which is a must for parents.
Identity is special
Michael also had violent tendencies as a teenager, so he felt Benny's feelings better than anyone else.
When Benny is finally subdued and tied to the bed, the other teachers feel that the trouble is lifted, but Misha feels the pain and fear in Benny's heart. The same experience triggers a feeling that is deeper than sympathy.
After Benny was sedated, Michael kept watching her from the window, watching for a long time.
Everything in front of him must have evoked a sleeping memory of Misha, who sympathized with Benny and cared for himself. A need arose in his heart to soothe the wounds he had suffered by healing Benny.
From this moment on, a wonderful connection took place in the lives of both Michael and Benny, causing Michael to take on more responsibility than a correctional officer should have.
As a result, he invests more in Benny than anyone else. The others saw Benny like the plague god, and only he offered to spend three weeks with Benny in the forest hut, one-on-one treatment.
Compared with our real life, if the child does something wrong, parents know that solving the problem depends on adequate communication. But this film gives us a very important inspiration - before communicating with children, parents should first communicate with their own hearts.
When we want to educate our children, can we first think about whether we have fought in childhood, lied, smashed, been called parents... If so, ask yourself how you felt, why, and how to fix it better.
With this process, we can understand children better, and there will naturally be fewer conflicts and contradictions.
It can even connect the growth of children with their own inner potential problems, light each other up, nourish each other, and grow up with children.
This secret speciality makes education miraculous.
Special will communicate
Misha's second especially, will communicate with children, very good for children.
The first time they met, they failed. Benny sent Michael two words: You roll! Misha rolled without saying a word.
The second time they met, Misha ignored Benny and played with the other children. Benny stopped and asked Michael, "Why don't you play with me?" ”
Misha said, "Okay, if I win, you're going to school." Also, you can't use a knife anymore."
Two times the attitude is very different.
It was Benny who called Michael to roll, and it was she who took the initiative to ask to play together, and Misha took the opportunity to ask her to do so.
This Misha did have two shots.
An aggressive child like Benny will be lonely, because her classmates and teachers are afraid of her, and no one wants to play with her, so Benny especially needs someone to accompany her.
Misha seized on this point and let Benny, who had rejected him, take the initiative to lean in. After a board game, the two became friends.
Misha also has a trick to play with. He would cause some small accidents, such as when he was high-fived, Misha deliberately avoided it, and Benny was made laugh out loud without expecting it.
Then Benny shook Michael's dot with his backhand, and the two laughed happily. This detail shows how naughty, smart, and cute Benny is. Moreover, they are born with a tacit understanding.
In a board game, Misha let Benny receive the magic and obediently go to school.
What did Misha do?
First, find out what your child needs – play with. Then, provide pleasure in companionship, share happiness, and quickly gain Benny's affection, thus creating an emotional connection with her and making her easy to discipline.
The main need in childhood is attachment, and the child listens to whoever he is attached to. Misha plays with Benny and makes her happy, just to be close to her and give her a sweet and beautiful experience, that is, happiness, which is the root of attachment.
Once attachment is developed, the purpose of discipline is half achieved. (Of course, we must not use this to control the child)
Therefore, the intimate relationship between parents and children determines whether education is smooth or not. Therefore, we should first learn how to accompany our children, how to get along happily, and let our children be fully attached to their parents.
However, this is only the first step in Misha's success.
Next, he took Benny to the forest hut, where they lived together like father and daughter. Michael taught Benny to work with an axe, to break the discarded shed, to cut wood, to make swings, and to turn over in the yard.
There have also been conflicts in this process, but after the storm, there is more trust and understanding.
One night, Benny opened his heart by the roaring fire, and for the first time, Michael taught Benny a few words, really just a few words.
Benny asked him: Have you fought before?
Misha: People change.
Benny: But I can't do it, I always have to run away so I can't go back to my mother.
Michael: We can change.
It is said that Misha should know that he is emotionally reasonable, it is best to explode more golden sentences, how can he send it away in two sentences?
Come to think of it, Michael actually did it properly.
First of all, Benny must have been nagged in the correctional home, and she had long been bored.
Second, and more importantly, from the question she asked, "Did you fight before?" to be sure, Benny's mind had changed.
The role of education is to transform people, not only in behavior, but also in the heart. Now that the change had already happened in Benny's mind, there was no need to say anything more, just give her confidence.
The conversation that follows is more interesting.
Michael said we can change. Benny said headlessly: That dog is annoying!
Previously, Benny was provoked by a barking dog at the farm, and she had a rage once. When Misha told her to change and learn to control herself, she suddenly remembered the dog. I felt that I couldn't do it because the dog was too annoying.
In fact, she wanted to say that she didn't blame me for this, who made that dog so annoying; and by extension, what she really meant was: I was grumpy, hit people, and acted recklessly, also because others were not good to me, they were so hateful.
Michael fully understood Benny's thoughts, but he only said: No, the dog is not annoying, it is just doing its part.
See through not say broken, this is the most brilliant place in Misha.
He only told Benny that he didn't blame the dog, and the dog wasn't yelling at you. So who to blame, who is wrong, he did not say, leaving Benny himself to taste.
In doing so, one is to save face for Benny, and the other is to let the children realize it on their own. If you let your child feel that this is the truth that he wants to understand, it will work more than we tell him a hundred times.
There is so much to learn from parents about Misha-esque communication. Originally, I should give you another summary, I also learned Misha, the words are not full, and the truth I summarized is more profound.
Be the most special person in your child's life
Michael's third point in particular is that he was the most special person in Benny's life:
In the eyes of others, Benny is a system destroyer, but Michael affectionately calls her "Fighting Ghost".
Benny was not allowed to speak dirty, but Michael asked her curiously: What are the dirty words?
Benny didn't want to take the medicine, and Misha said, "You can take it outside the door and eat it." He felt that Benny was normal and did not need to take medicine.
When Benny went mad, Misha held her tightly in her arms until she calmed down. The other correctional staff either shut her out of the door or tied her to the bed to sedative.
Benny made a mistake, and Misha was really angry, and he angrily threw Benny away. But after not taking two steps and afraid that she would freeze, he turned back and helped Benny get his clothes dressed and buttoned up his shoes.
The other correctional staff were neither critical nor close to Benny, and maintained a professional distance that was not close. And Michael is like a father who loves and hates Benny.
The most special thing is that when Michael severely criticizes Benny, Benny does not yell or bark, and follows Misha without a word, sad and aggrieved, like a puppy.
Michael is the only one who can make Benny unguarded, no longer clench his fists, and be ready to fight the world to the death. Because he crossed the boundaries of the correctional staff, crossed the prejudices, and gave Benny a special love that only his parents could give.
And what Benny really needs is not sympathy, not care, but irreplaceable maternal love and fatherly love.
So when Michael develops a father-daughter relationship with Benny during the three weeks together, Benny is healed.
Benny is only one step away from complete healing, but this step is out of reach and difficult to cross.
Benny, desperate to be loved, knows what love tastes like a beast that has tasted blood. After the treatment, in order to get Misha to take her home, Benny knocked himself in the head and bled.
She said to Michael, if I kill your wife and children, can you be my father?
Misha loves Benny and does not dare to risk her family, and he withdraws his feelings, which is a devastating blow to Benny, and she falls ill again and almost dies in the forest.
In the end, Benny was sent to Africa. Before boarding, she rushed through security, knocked down pedestrians, and system breaker Benny made a big fuss at the airport. She ran wildly all the way, suddenly jumped, and the film came to an abrupt end.
Obviously, this is the end of the system destroyers, who smash everything, destroy everything, and then destroy themselves.
Psychological problems seriously affect the growth of adolescents, sometimes devastating, and the cure of mental illness has always been a problem. Benny in the film is both a destroyer and a destroyed person, and her aggression comes from inner mutilation.
As a parent, you should always put the growth of your child's soul first, a good parent-child relationship, a long-term sense of security, and a communication style like Misha's, which is always an essential skill for parents with capital letters.
If the parents have to examine it one day, it is recommended to write the above into the examination outline.