My parents were rural and had little culture, and I grew up with them on the construction site in Hainan. In order to make my education more stable, from the age of four or five, they sent me to the nursery, and it seems that from that moment on, it determined the mode of getting along with her: I racked my brains to escape, and she chased with all her strength.
It's a bit like an eagle catching a chicken, or a cat catching a mouse, a cat catching a mouse for play, an eagle catching a chicken for eating, so what about her catching me, what did he catch me for? So that this naughty monkey of mine could not escape the palm of his Buddha's hand? It doesn't seem to be, what is that for? I keep asking myself...
When I was in elementary school, I was far away from my mother, living alone in school, every time I came home I would not cook, and every time she cooked for me, she always liked to say two words to me from time to time, in order to get rid of her nagging, I learned to cook by myself, at this time, she and I were relieved, I could finally not listen to her nagging, and she could finally no longer cook for me. In this way, I kept escaping dependence on her, and her constantly relaxed state continued until high school, and after high school, it seemed that overnight, my dependence on my mother was limited to the monthly living expenses, and I was able to handle everything else alone.
When I filled in the college entrance examination volunteer, I asked my classmates, consulted the teacher, and asked the class teacher for help, but they didn't know anything about it, and she knew that my volunteer content was still a long time later. "Why don't you discuss it with us?" Such a big thing, I decided, why not ask our opinion? She said with a slight anger on her face.
"What's the use of telling you, and you don't understand, what guidance can you give me?" I say. The speaker has no intention, the listener has a heart, when she hears me say this, the anger on her face disappears, replaced by a more complex expression, grievance, frustration, anger, self-blame, it seems not like, and it seems to have, when seeing the inexplicable expression on his face, I don't know which nasty guy used the fixation technique, forbidden time, in an instant, warm sunshine, colorful flowers, birds singing, water molecules chasing each other in the air... Everything came to an abrupt end, leaving me and her facing each other, and silent to each other, the frozen air, suffocating... "I don't understand anything, you should still discuss the mountain with me", for a long time, she said these few words, her face was still a little frustrated, the corners of her eyes were slightly moist, maybe from that moment on, she realized that I had opened a gap with him in terms of cognition, she began to desperately chase this era, chasing me, and I did not realize it at all, and I was still racking my brains to escape...
After college, my only dependence on him, living expenses, is not so close, in order to earn living expenses for myself, to achieve economic freedom, what I want to buy, I often use the summer vacation and winter vacation two holidays to go to work in other places, even if the New Year does not go home to reunite with them, and she seems to be a little dissatisfied, but she can't help me, and don't say anything.
In addition, he often does some things that make me more puzzling, she often learns some modern social software alone, WeChat calls, send voices, open videos, send red envelopes, send circles of friends, brush circles of friends, create group chats, visit QQ space, send vibrato videos, etc., and her ability to accept new things is so weak, she learns over and over again, forgets again and again, asks again and again, once he asked me how to vibrate to pay attention to others, I did not hold back, asked her, "Mom, these functions you do not need, What did you learn to do? And you don't learn it easily. "I can't see you a few times a year, many times I want you to call you, but often call you and you are impatient, if I learn these words, usually when I think of you, I can go to your space, brush your circle of friends, look at your photos, understand your life dynamics", just a few words, like a cruise missile equipped with a positioning system, accurately hit the softest part of my heart.
At this moment, I realized that the last time I had an in-depth conversation with my mother, I don't know when it was, my mother missed me, but she could only look through my circle of friends to look at my photos, want to know the dynamics of my life, but I could only look for it from my QQ space, how ridiculous, mother and son, so get along, how sad.
I don't know when she began to chase my figure continuously, even if she was exhausted, she never stopped, in order to hope that I could accompany her for a while, chat with her for a while, talk about my heart, and share with her the people and things I encountered in my life... That's all, and I don't realize that I have been fleeing, at this time, I am really worried, if one day, she is tired, can not chase, no longer chase, lie down, if one day, even if I stop, talk with her, share my life with him, and never get even the slightest response from him, what kind of scene will it be? I don't dare to think about it, I don't want to think about it... The saddest thing in life is that the son wants to raise and the relatives are absent, may the heavens bless this matter and have nothing to do with me,
It has always been my brain-wringing escape, she is exhausted to chase, at this moment I want to say to her: "Mom, I will not run again, you slowly catch up, even if you are already exhausted, please hold on, do not stop, never...