I am the wife of the light.
When I think of my husband, most of the people in the world think of it: there is a loquat tree in the garden, and the one that my wife planted in her hand in the year of her death is now like a pavilion.
A loquat tree, standing in the hearts of the world for 500 years, so affectionate, resounded throughout the ages.
Don't be in a hurry to envy me, since the first day I married him, I wanted to cut down the loquat tree.
Only because it wasn't me who stood under the tree.
He doesn't love me.
I was his third wife, Fei, and when I married him, I was young, and he was nearly half a hundred years old.
You should be unfamiliar with me, because he didn't write a single word for me, and everything about me is the scrap of his affectionate story.
Not enough.
His love was given to The Wei Clan, the Wang Clan, and even a Ya Gui, but not to me.
1
The most unforgettable woman in a man's life must be the first love.
In the seventh year of Jiajing (1528), he married the 16-year-old Wei family home.
Although it is the order of their parents and the words of the matchmaker, they have a very good relationship.
In fact, it is no wonder that love always sprouts in the young body, and between me and Wei Shi, his entire youth is separated.
From the beginning, I lost.
The Gui clan was in decline long before he was born, and his mother died when he was eight years old, leaving three sons and two daughters, making the situation even more difficult.
And Wei's family is well-off, grew up in a honeypot, and marrying him inevitably has to suffer some hardships.
But every time he returned to his mother's house, Wei Shi did not say a word about the poor life, but often talked to his sisters about the good time when the two of them read and chatted together in Xiang Ridge Xuan.
He mentioned in the "Xiang Ridge Xuanzhi": My wife Guining, describing the words of the little sister: "Sister Wen's family has a cabinet, and what is a cabinet?" ”
Wei Shi described Xiang Jixuan to the little sister, and the little sister said childishly: "You said that you have a small attic at home, so what is a small attic?" ”
Oh, it's really a deep affection, envy others.
Not only that, Wei Shi often encouraged him: "I am looking at the king every day, and I am not in this world." When the husband is self-reliant, why worry about the current poverty? ”
She praised him for his amazing talent, that he should be angry and strong, and that the poverty in front of him was nothing.
Not only urging him to be self-motivated, but also praising him for his talent, a word that is not leaky, really beautiful.
Since he was a child without his mother's care, he gained a long-lost warmth in Wei's body.
Whenever he mentioned this, I always asked myself, if it were me, would I do as well as Wei Shi?
I will do better than she does, in front of the beloved man, who is not yet a gentle flower of interpretation?
Unfortunately, the first woman to walk into her life was not me.
The woman he loved the most only stayed with him for four years.
In the thirteenth year of Jiajing (1533), Wei died of illness at the age of 21, when their daughter was only four years old and her son was still in his infancy.
It was the pain of his life, and he had thought that they would carry each other to old age.
Blame only fate, after the fierce joy, often followed by great sorrow.
She was dead, but the loquat tree was alive.
2
Wei's death was also a heavy blow to Ya Gui Hanhua.
I read the "Hanhua Funeral Chronicle" that he wrote, in an attempt to cram myself into the happiest period of his life.
At the age of ten, she was yìng and had a double beard and a dark green cloth dress. One day, when it was cold, the water chestnut was boiled over a boiling fire, and the ying ou of the maid was cut, and it was given from the outside, and it was eaten; the maid took it, and did not go with it. Wei Ruren laughed. Every time the widow ordered the maid to lean on the side of the meal, that is, the meal, the eyes were rising. The widows also pointed out that it was a laugh.
Han Hua was only ten years old when she married, innocent, delicate and cute, with a round bun and dark green clothes.
One day in the winter, Hanhua lit a fire to cook water chestnuts to eat, cut a full pot, and when he returned, he reached out to take it and eat it, and Hanhua turned around with the pot and did not give him food. When Wei Shi saw this, he teased him.
Wei Shi often let Han Hua lean against the small table to eat, and when Han Hua ate, his eyes would slowly flip, which caused Wei Shi to point at him and laugh.
Such a warm time, I can't help but get jealous.
Looking back, there were only two of the three left.
One is the pain of losing one's wife, and the other is the grief of losing one's master.
In such a situation, there will always be some closeness to the same disease.
Moreover, at that time, the cold flower was fourteen years old, which was the age when it was tender enough to pinch out the water.
More than a year after Wei's death, he and Hanhua's daughter Rulan were born.
In fact, this is not a legally intolerable thing, Hanhua is a dowry, but in fact it is a concubine of yìng, and the master mother is not there, serving on behalf of her, which is beyond reproach.
Unfortunately, Rulan died when she was one year old, and Hanhua also died four years later.
He almost never mentioned Hanhua and this daughter who died prematurely with me, and I think that a large part of the reason was the guilt of Wei Shi.
This forbidden love that sprouted in mourning was something he did not want to tell others.
Although the deceased is finished, the living still have to go forward, but he is going faster.
This may just prove that Wei Shi is not an irreplaceable existence in his heart.
Most people in the world are like this, old love is not invincible to new love, but with new love, and think of old love.
3
He once said to others: "I have nothing to be proud of in my life, but I have two wives." ”
Except for Wei Shi, this other one is not me.
It was his second wife, Wang.
My first love is dead, and it's not my turn yet.
In the fourteenth year of Jiajing (1535), the 18-year-old Wang Shi married him, who was about to reach the age of establishment.
Wang is the daughter of the Anting Wang clan, with a prominent family, but no arrogance.
As the main mother, she was filial to her in-laws and kept the family in an orderly manner, and no one disobeyed.
In order to let her husband study with peace of mind, Wang never told him about the trivial matters in the family, and everything was solved by herself, and for those relatives who came to run, she also settled them in place and never complained.
She understood him, searched for famous books for him, thought of what he thought, and was anxious about what he was anxious about.
Even if he fell eight times, the Wang family also prepared wine and dishes and carefully comforted him.
After they were married for 16 years, the Wang clan died because they were too hardworking.
Whenever I mention wang, he is always full of praise, and my ears are almost cocooned.
It is better to tell me that I only regard me as a confidant and are willing to talk to me.
Besides, what am I fighting for with the same dead man? And how to fight?
But he just wants to tell the people of the world, so why should I feel sorry?
"His room is there, his people are dead, and I am thinking of ru women's ears."
He sprinkled it for her and wrote the "Afterword of Semeitang":
Yu yu family affairs, did not try the province. In the end, my wife did not tell her whether she had or did not tell her, but the overseer slave reclaimed the barren vegetables, and harvested it alone in the years of bitter drought. Whenever the rice is ripe, I first think that my parents are drunk, but dare to taste the wine. Receiving two wheats, thinking that the uncle's shame sauce is cooking, sacrifice, guest, marriage, gifts are nothing to lose. The sisters who have no one to rely on have returned, and the Four Scholars' Hall is helpless. There are those who are not self-satisfied, and in the end they have not tasted what they have said. With yu good books, the family had scattered chapters, and ordered Li Mi to visit and ask, so he left the book without worrying about thousands of volumes.
Between the lines, it is all her good.
I had no choice but to look out the window.
That loquat tree, still emerald green, like a thorn, grew in my heart, I think, this was also a thorn in Wang's heart.
4
At the beginning of the love dou, there was a Wei clan, and there was a Wang clan in xiangfu.
With the pearl in front, my bleakness is really understandable.
In the thirty-first year of Jiajing (1552), he married me into the door, and I became his last wife.
Marry him because of his talent.
Even in the eyes of others, we are "a tree of pear blossoms pressing begonias", old husbands and young wives.
But I don't mind, everyone will be old, but not everyone is like him, it is the contemporary Ouyang Xiu.
Soon I found out that I was wrong.
I bore him 3 sons, but why would he still look at the loquat tree?
I once stood behind him and said, "The slave family wants to plant an apricot tree here. ”
Apricots are the most sour, like my heart.
He didn't answer my words and immersed himself in the world with Wei.
Maybe he is old after all, and as soon as he is old, he likes to live in memory.
He would rather miss the dead over and over again than love me as much as he loves Wei, even if it's only half.
I was not born, I was born and I am old.
Is there any more desperate emotion in the world?
The only thing I can give him is companionship, and the last moments of his life are spent with him.
In the fifth year of Longqing (1571), he died at the age of 66, and our nearly 20 years of married life finally ended.
This time, he finally did not have to face the pain of losing his wife.
If I had gone before him, he would have written a eulogy for me.
How would he write about me?
Probably also affectionate, tear-inducing.
But the pain in my heart, he will not understand half a point.
Some people say that a qualified ex should be like dead.
But they don't know that some people die, but they can still win you.
Because people who like to love the old are always nostalgic for what has been lost, ignoring the people in front of them.
When the people in front of them also left, they could not regret it.
If I were to do it again, I would just like to say to him: It is better to take pity on the people in front of me than to look at the green mountains and think far away.
【Postscript】 Gui Youguang married his wife three times in his lifetime, and had a son and a daughter with his wife Wei Shi, the eldest son died of an illness at the age of 16; he had three sons and two daughters with his second wife Wang Shi, and the second daughter died early; he had three sons with his third wife Fei Shi, and another theory is that Gui Youguang left a widow after his death, the authenticity of which needs to be examined. Regarding the Hanhua of Gui, after scholars' research, it can be basically determined that it is the biological mother of Rulan, another daughter of Gui Youguang who died prematurely, and she also gave birth to another daughter for Gui Youguang, who also died prematurely. Among the information that can be consulted, Gui Youguang had a total of seven sons and five daughters in his lifetime, and only two of them were from the original Wei clan.
References: "Xiang Ridge Xuanzhi", "Mr. Zhenchuan Collection", "Please Edict", "Hanhua Funeral Record", "Female Second Concubine Zhi", "Female Ru Lan Yuanzhi", "Afterword of Shimeitang"