We often say, "There is an old man in the family, and there is a treasure." ”
However, we always say one thing and do another, and it is difficult to treat the elderly at home like treasures.
When we are also in our sixties, we have to take care of our eighty or ninety-year-old parents, and we are uncomfortable with the ups and downs.
Later, we slowly believed in an ancient adage: the old man lives a long life.
Why did the ancients say this? To this day, does this statement still make sense?
Observe with questions, and the answers will be found quickly.
01
Sickness, gram mood.
Many elderly people, when they are healthy, are happy, and they also proudly say: "Self-diagnosis of minor diseases, self-diagnosis of major diseases." ”
I was really sick, and as soon as I changed my words, I began to sigh and begin to refuse to break myself. People always have a selfish heart, hoping that they will live a little longer and see the world.
Some elderly people with dementia don't know what the pain is, whether life is good or not, everything is decided by others, and the ideas they once had are completely impossible to practice.
The elderly have been living with illness for a long time, which will inevitably make them irritable and dissatisfied with their children.
Some old people have sad faces all day long, and these children are also unhappy when they see it, so the two generations are in a bad mood, and if they are careless, they will friction and quarrels.
Young people complain that the elderly are difficult to serve, and the elderly complain that their children are not well cared for, so it is no wonder that children are eager for their parents to leave early.
A person, a family, the real collapse begins with a mood breakdown.
02
Poverty, filial piety.
If you look around the elderly group, you will find that the richer the elderly, the more children will revolve around. During the Chinese New Year, the house is lively.
Retired old people can dance freely, play cards, travel, and live a very chic life.
Some elderly people who have a house, in case their children don't care, can also use the house to support the elderly, but the big deal is to sell the house, live in a nursing home, and hire a nanny.
This poor old man, when he can't do anything, it is difficult to see a smile. All kinds of dislikes of children.
In case the elderly man is sick and asks his children to pay for the medical expenses, it is not surprising that the children quarrel. When the old man heard his children arguing, he was extremely uncomfortable, but he couldn't do anything about it.
Filial piety to one's parents is not a word, it is a piece of money.
The lives of the children are not rich, the old people themselves do not have pensions, and these poor people get together, and there are more contradictions than feelings. If you have filial piety, you can't do it, and you can only passively leave regrets.
In many families, in order to survive, children have to travel far away, running on the road, and parents are left alone. Parents are the biggest burden.
03
Concubine, gram blood.
There is a proverb in the countryside: "A brother has a piece of meat, and a concubine is a sword." ”
Zhou Xitao of the Qing Dynasty also said: "The idea of wife and wealth is heavy, and the love of brothers is sparse." ”
In many families, it was originally the father's love and filial piety. But when the children got married, the situation changed.
The daughter-in-law and son-in-law are relatively outsiders and have no blood relationship with the old man. And they think about their parents, their brothers and sisters. Once selfishness comes out, this filial piety will not be willing.
Children are carried away by their lover's thinking, and their feelings are slowly split.
Whether the relationship between husband and wife is important, or siblings is important, people tend to choose the former. After all, husbands and wives grow old together, support each other, and have common children, brothers and sisters are people who grow up together, and they will slowly become estranged in the second half of their lives.
The relationship between siblings is not good, they are-for-tat everywhere, and they want to get more benefits from the big family, so they naturally don't want to care about their old parents.
It's just that someone wants to take care of the old parents, look at the eyes of their lover, and give up.
Everyone has a scale in their hearts, and their parents are very old, they can't do anything, they can't bring benefits, and they are naturally looked down upon.
04
Superstition, gram science.
In many places, there is a saying that if the parents are very old and healthy, they are taking the life span of their children.
If there is a family where "white-haired people send black-haired people", this may be talked about by everyone. Parents take the life span of their children and enjoy them for themselves.
Even if a child dies of illness, he will be regarded as a parent to occupy his life. Superstition is more "convincing" than science.
My grandmother lived to be over 90 years old. When my grandmother was there, three of my uncles passed away.
The people in the village pointed their fingers, so that my grandmother did not dare to go out. In her later years, my grandmother spoke carefully, and although she was alive, she was as if she was dead.
The living uncle also has a concern that if he is too good to the elderly, he will also lose his life. This leads to filial piety, and they dare not practice it.
In modern times, science has developed, but some unexplained phenomena, objective existence, and some superstitious customs have been preserved for a long time. What is passed down by word of mouth is deeply rooted in our bones.
People are terrible, how can the old man explain it? You can only keep silent yourself.
05
Eccentricity, gram relationship.
Any relationship goes both ways.
If one party gives, but the other party takes it for granted, or repeatedly asks for it, then the relationship is disordered.
Some old people have no sense of justice at all. When he gets his daughter's filial piety, he blames his son-in-law, or transfers the money given by his daughter to his son.
Some old people, when they get red envelopes from their children during the holidays, put them away and give them to their most useless sons. When the money runs out, reach out and ask for it. This made the children who gave the red envelopes very angry.
The elderly who have been eccentric for a long time can't walk by themselves, and they still spoil a certain child, which brings internal friction to the family. The family, seeing through the shameful behavior of the old man, turned a blind eye to the old man.
06
Immorality, family style.
As a rule, the older an old man is, the more merciful he becomes.
Some old people, in the opposite way, the older they are, the more they will rely on the old and sell the old, and do some immoral things.
Or the old man from a young age, he behaves recklessly. At the age of seventy or eighty, it is not surprising that children are not filial.
When the elderly go out of the house, they are also suppressed by the society, and the neighbors are on guard, so the elderly are in a state of restraint.
If the immoral behavior of the elderly affects the development of their children's careers and brings disaster to the family, then it is also possible for the elderly to be abandoned. Because of the encounter with such an old man, the children and grandchildren felt that the sky had fallen.
07
"The elderly live a long life and the children and grandchildren", this is a comprehensive topic, involving all aspects of the family.
If you want to change, you need two generations to work together.
The elderly strive to retire, take care of their bodies, and always do good deeds; Children study hard, achieve family business, live with their lovers, and fulfill filial piety together.
In everything, there is a principle of mutual reciprocity and mutual restraint, and if it is adjusted in time, it can also complement each other, and bad things become good things.
Remember, old people, find the reason for everything from yourself and take precautions.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.