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There has been a hot search event in the past two days, which is a video of beating a child on the Internet.
In the picture, the two children are naked, naked, and scarred. Although the other person did not enter the frame, he could be seen holding a rope in his hand (later reported by the police as a socket wire) and whipping.
The video was widely disseminated and caused a lot of discussion.
It was later confirmed that it was the children who were naughty and that the father was educating them.
Here's how it happened.
In the owner group of a community in Chongqing, three car owners reported that the hood of their car was graffiti with a pen.
After checking and monitoring, it was found that two children did it.
The owner of the car asked the parents in the group to take care of their bear children seriously.
The parents of the bear child have indeed been educated, and it is the content of the video that has been circulated.
The father asked the child to strip naked, whipped with a wire, and was covered with scars.
The mother recorded a video and posted it to the owner group, saying that she had been seriously disciplined and apologized to the owner.
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The cause and effect of the matter is simple.
But behind the scenes, there are many issues that make people reflect.
The first question is, are the parents really educating their children?
A lot of people will think of course it is.
After all, we have the ancient precept of filial piety under the stick. Some people even think that this is the way to deal with bear children. Or because of the lack of such parents, there are many bear children.
In the comment section of this news, there are many people who applaud.
But many people applaud, it doesn't mean that this is right, and it doesn't mean that this is education.
In my opinion, the parents are just angry and have nothing to do with education.
It's also a lack of ability, because they probably haven't thought of a better way to deal with it.
The starting point of education is to teach children to understand things and learn to survive in this world. It should settle on a certain thing or a certain problem itself.
Specifically, the original intention and purpose of education should be to let children understand why they can't scribble on other people's cars, and of course, it is best to be able to extend the principle of respect for others and other people's property.
And the behavior of this parent is obviously not because they want their children to understand this truth.
I can even guess that they don't even think it's a big deal to graffiti on someone else's car.
What makes them feel serious is that the child's behavior has made them lose face.
Because the owner was very angry, he announced the monitoring to the public in the owner group. It is equivalent to being paraded on the streets because of the children.
Doesn't the car owner ask parents to take good care of their children?
Then I'll show you.
I took off my clothes, beat them hard, and showed the scars to everyone.
The result? Nothing was achieved.
What can children learn from this kind of "education"? You may know that scribbling on someone else's car is wrong because it comes at a great cost. As for what went wrong and why it was wrong, I still don't understand. More importantly, there will be resentment towards the family and parents in the heart.
For parents, can this really get out of the chest? Unless it's a big pervert, not only can't you get angry, but you will be even more annoyed. What parent would really feel very happy when he beats his child like this with his own hands?
For our loved ones, we treat them in a rough way, and after causing harm to the other party, we are left with endless emotional torture.
Many people think that in this way, they can regain the lost face. In fact, it will make yourself even more embarrassed.
After the couple posted the video of beating their children to the owner group, they were immediately dissuaded, criticized, and even accused by many people. Someone even posted the video on the Internet, which also alarmed the police. was also questioned by many netizens, and in the end, he had to accept the police's treatment.
If you want to say shame, this is really a bare butt grinding and turning in a circle.
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But if we want to raise a good baby, what face do we need?
In my personal experience, the process of raising a baby is a process of constantly throwing face on the ground, stepping on a few more feet, and finally spitting on it.
How many children are paying for the face of their parents!
When parents raise a baby, no matter what they do, they will do it in the name of education, all "for your good".
But when it comes to specific behaviors, many times it seems that it is just for their own face.
Children don't study hard, they have to educate; The child is naughty and needs to be educated; Children who are lazy and don't want to go to interest classes should also be educated......
It sounds like it's all for the good of the kids.
But look at the way we educate.
I have a colleague, a very intellectual and decent person, the child is less than ten years old and half the age, it is the age when the sky is not afraid of the earth, and it is easy to be annoying. As the saying goes, dogs are disgusted.
For a while, she was very devastated. I was impressed three or four times.
Once, a teacher at the school called and said that the child's speech during nap affected the sleep of other children, and asked the parents to strengthen their education. He also threatened that if he did not correct the warning and would not be able to rest at school at noon.
Another time, the parents of her classmates called her, saying that when the children were at the convenience store, her children stole snacks from the convenience store and sent surveillance video.
Another time, who was also a parent of a classmate, said that her child was walking on the road, picked up a skewer thrown by someone else on the side of the road, and ate the meat on it.
Another time, the teacher from the after-school care department called and said that the child had gone out to play with other children on the pretext of going home to get homework, and had not returned to the classroom for more than an hour.
Every time I received a phone call, my colleague's first reaction was to blow up his hair, his hands trembled with anger, and his face turned white.
It is foreseeable that if the child was by her side at that time, she would definitely copy something casually and directly start to educate.
But fortunately, the child was not around. She had nowhere to vent her emotions.
We had a good relationship, and we were both parents, so she complained to me and swore that I would clean up that bastard boy when I got home tonight.
Every time I smiled and advised her to calm down and think carefully about why I was angry.
Is it an unacceptable mistake for a child to make a small talk during naptime? Let's have a meeting, are you still secretly swiping your phone below to chat about gossip?
When children steal things, it sounds like they have to be educated. But a child who is less than 10 years old, does he really understand the meaning behind the words "can't steal"? Not necessarily. With such a big boy, with his friends, he probably just wants to prove that he is cool by doing such a thing that no one dares to do.
If we really want our child to understand the truth of this, it is better to guide him slowly and what kind of behavior is really cool. Patiently explain to him what the result of the habit of stealing, what it means for him in the future, and so on.
As for eating barbecue meat that other people throw on the road, the biggest problem is unhygiene, and the most serious consequence is that you have to go to the hospital if you get sick.
I want to play cigarette cards with my friends, and I use the excuse that I want to go home to get my homework, which sounds like a bad job at first glance, and it is a big deal to waste my studies. But what normal child isn't playful? Just imagine, if an eight or nine-year-old wants to go out and play when he is supposed to study, he will just stand up and say to the teacher: "I want to go out and play with my friends!" And then he slipped away. Isn't that sad? Isn't this a stupid boy? When we are tired of our own work, we have to find some plausible excuse to do something else.
When most parents encounter such a thing, their first reaction is to be furious. But ask ourselves, is it really because our child's behavior is unforgivable?
Not really. The reason why we are angry is that the teacher tells us to do a good job in education, which means that we are not good at education; Looking at the video of the child stealing, I heard that he picked up garbage on the side of the road to eat, and I felt that his parents were very incompetent and the family was poor......
In a word, the child has disgraced himself.
The breath held in the chest can only be vented by beating or scolding the child roughly.
After that, I have to bully myself, and it hurts to beat the child. In order to educate children well, he simply endured humiliation.
Pull it down! In most cases, rough beating and scolding do not play an educational role. Children are paying for their parents' emotions and the so-called face.
After this colleague of mine talked to me, plus the time cooled down. Every time I get home from work at night, I can always communicate with my children more rationally and patiently. Now everything is excellent for her children, and the parent-child relationship is also very good.
She also jokingly told me that when the child grows up, he must let him thank me. Because it was my comfort to his mother that saved him from being punished harshly again and again.
If you want to teach your children well, don't ask for any face
In the face of children, parents are always prone to have a feeling of "losing face" and urgently needing to "vent", because most parents have a natural sense of authority in front of their children.
When such authority is offended or needs to be asserted, it is easy to resort to a brutal approach and to be justified.
The most common context is "I've told you how many times and you're still ......", or "If you're like this, then I'm going to ......".
In fact, the subtext behind it is "I am your mother, how dare you not take what I said to heart!" and "As your father, I have the right to ...... you."
In this way, Beier has a sense of identity, Beier has authority, and of course Beier has face.
But the face of parents is face, and the education of children is education. The two are not the same thing.
I often talk to mom and dad about a scenario where your child comes home from school and tells you that he made a mistake at school today and was seriously criticized by the teacher. What will you do in the first place?
I've found that a lot of people, even if they try very hard to find the right answer, don't touch the right answer.
The correct answer in my mind is that the first thing to do is not to be busy with education and correct children's mistakes. Instead, you should take him into your arms and hug him, and say to him very gently, "Thank you for sharing this with your mother!" ”
We should really thank our children from the bottom of our hearts for this behavior.
He can take the initiative to share his mistakes, criticisms, and flaws with us, which is a great trust in us!
Put yourself in their shoes, if it weren't for the relationship, would we share the mistakes we have made, the criticisms we have received, and the ugly things we have done with others? No, we are always busy bragging about it, putting gold on our faces and saving our face!
Now ask yourself, you probably know why the children lie in front of themselves.
Because we have made them understand again and again that there is a price to be paid for telling the truth in front of us.
Because we are always so high up and representing authority, holding a big stick, and valuing our own face too much, we can't wait to teach them a lesson!
Daddy is too much!
In front of our children, we must gradually let go of our sense of authority, squat down, put ourselves and our children on an equal footing, and treat our children as an independent person.
In this way, when we encounter a lot of things, we will not be so rude in dealing with them.
Just imagine, in the beginning of the incident, if it was not a child who scribbled on someone else's car, but a drunken act of one's own brother or friend, even if the person concerned found us, would we strip them naked and whip them, and then record them into a video to go to the exhibition and parade through the streets?
Definitely not.
Some people will say that a child is a child, not a brother. Why can't we treat our children as brothers?
Even if it was painted by a child, the owner did not come to the door, let alone make trouble in the owner group, and did not embarrass the parents. How many parents would educate their children in such an almost barbaric way?
Is it still because of the psychology of face?
If a person attaches too much importance to his own face, it is actually an internal incompetence.
If you have inner strength, you will not be so calm about many things, and you will not easily feel that your face has been damaged, and you will be much more relaxed in handling things.
If you are too glassy, you must not be strong enough inside.
(Excerpted from the WeChat public account Guoguan)