Hello, I'm Oxygen, a post-70s psychotherapist who likes to write.
In the dead of night, it was silent, and it should have been the time to sink into a sweet dreamland, but Liu Liu's mind seemed to be a lively and extraordinary drama being staged passionately.
The first to appear was the scene of her childhood, when she was innocent, and when she was playing, she accidentally spilled the hot water, and the hot water instantly burned her mother's hand.
To this day, the faint scar on my mother's hand is still like a shallow nick, clearly visible.
Liu Liu's heart couldn't help but pinch up, and secretly thought to herself: If she had been more obedient and didn't move around, would she have been able to avoid that accident? Wouldn't that scar be on my mother's hand?
Then, the teenage years slowly unfolded like a picture scroll. At that time, she was a little rebellious, her words were like sharp arrows, hurting people invisibly, and finally parted ways with her friends, and the green years came to an end full of regrets.
She asked herself with chagrin that if she had known how to restrain her temper, would it have been possible to spend more time with her friends? Isn't that a beautiful friendship broken easily?
Entering college, this should have been the age of hard work, but she chose to be lazy.
Liu Liu pondered repeatedly, if he had worked harder at the beginning, would he have been able to live a better life now? Will there be more opportunities and choices?
After work, due to the failure to properly handle the relationship between colleagues, now they meet by chance on the way to and from work, and there is only an awkward silence between them.
She pondered deeply whether if she hadn't done that at that time, she would have gained a partner to fight side by side. Wouldn't it be more handy at work?
The clock on the bedside table rotated tirelessly, and the night gradually turned dark.
However, memories still search for traces of her mistakes. Those past events are like vivid pictures, one by one.
The feeling of loss spread like smoke in the boundless dark night, and Liu Liu seemed to see a self full of holes.
Insomnia has been going on for months, and every night she lies in bed, she thinks about whether she said or did the wrong thing today.
From today to yesterday, to a few weeks ago. Recently, it has been even more serious, she will think all the way from the mistakes she made at work to the mistakes she made when she was studying, and she can't barely fall asleep until dawn every day.
Confucius once said: "I am three times a day, and I am self-conscious." But why is this process of introspection so painful?
It is obvious that Liu Liu has fallen into the trap of excessive introspection and cannot extricate herself.
Definition of excessive introspection
Excessive self-reflection is a state that makes people fall into it and find it difficult to extricate themselves!
It is like people holding a magnifying glass, endlessly reflecting and scrutinizing their actions, words, thoughts, etc., and pushing themselves into the abyss of self-doubt, anxiety and pain.
This goes far beyond the scope of normal self-reflection and is often accompanied by excessive criticism and inappropriate self-criticism.
Take a look at the young newcomer to the workplace! With just the slightest mistake in a project debriefing, hey, that's good, and he's plunged headlong into a whirlpool of excessive introspection.
He kept replaying the scene in his mind, wondering why he made such a mistake.
Oh, he felt that he was so incapable that he even began to wonder if he wasn't suitable for the job at all.
He was like a fascination, constantly recalling every detail of the report, and blaming himself for not being super prepared and not acting perfectly.
This kind of excessive self-reflection made his whole person fall into deep anxiety and self-denial, and the follow-up work status and self-confidence were also hit to a mess.
Let's talk about the students. Once they don't do well in an exam, they start a mode of excessive introspection.
They feel that they are not working hard enough, they are not smart enough, and they are slammed at their own learning methods and attitudes.
They may spend a lot of time immersed in self-reflection, but they can throw out real actions and improvements.
This kind of excessive introspection not only did not bring about any positive changes, but instead made them surrounded by negative emotions, and their motivation and efficiency in learning were greatly reduced.
"Draw the knife and cut off the water, the water will flow more, and raise a glass to eliminate sorrow and sorrow." Excessive introspection is like a person who constantly swings a knife to cut through the surging water, and picks up a wine glass to dispel sorrow, only to find that the sorrow is even stronger.
Often, it only makes the problem more complex and difficult to solve. People who are overly introspective often fall into a vicious circle.
The more I reflect, the more I feel that I am inadequate, and the more I feel inadequate, the more anxious I become, and this anxiety will further exacerbate excessive self-reflection.
Although excessive self-reflection can indeed prompt us to reflect on ourselves and make continuous progress to a certain extent, if it is overdone, it will become a heavy psychological burden, which will seriously affect our physical and mental health and quality of life!
Therefore, we must learn to introspect moderately and thrive in reflection, but we must not be bound by excessive introspection.
Get rid of the spotlight effect
Hey, you know the spotlight effect doesn't it? This spotlight effect is that people often inexplicably overestimate the attention of the outside world about themselves.
I always feel like I'm standing in the middle of the crowd, as if everyone will be staring at my makeup, outfits, words and deeds, and even what I'm thinking can be seen through.
Psychologist Thomas · Gilovich once conducted a super interesting experiment.
He had Cornell students swagger into the classroom wearing some designer T-shirts. Hey, students wearing t-shirts would expect half of their classmates to notice the cool t-shirt they were wearing, but what happened? That's unexpected!
In the end, only 23% of students noticed this. See, this is a good indication that people don't actually pay that much attention to what happens to other people at all.
Let's talk about Liu Liu, her colleagues will not always remember that she is late, and the manager will not be able to engrave Liu Liu's mistake in his heart forever.
"Plants and trees have their own hearts, why ask for beauties." This poem is simply a beacon of light, revealing that we must have our own intrinsic values and perseverance, but we must not care too much about the eyes of others.
If you think about it, plants and trees have their own growth patterns and unique beauty, so they don't need to be deliberately appreciated by others.
Let's do the same! We need to get out of the spotlight and focus on our own inner growth and real life, instead of staring at what others think of us.
In short, getting rid of the spotlight effect will allow us to live more freely and get rid of all those unnecessary anxieties and stresses.
As long as we recognize that others don't pay as much attention to us as we think, we can be more courageous to be ourselves and show our true selves generously.
Those mistakes that are recalled repeatedly in the middle of the night, and those embarrassing moments that make people unable to extricate themselves, actually leave almost no trace in the minds of others.
Therefore, we can live boldly and let go of our hands and feet. You know, this world is not a theater where you can perform on stage, so don't think of yourself as the center of the stage.
Accept your emotions and forgive yourself
Hey, you know what? The reason why we keep thinking about it again and again after we have done something wrong,
Largely because I can't accept the emotions that come out of my heart, such as guilt, anxiety, fear of being disgusted or excluded, etc.
Normal self-reflection will not aggravate anxiety, only wrong cognition and inappropriate handling of emotions will make us fall into a vicious circle and never climb out.
So what's the right thing to do? You should accept your emotions! It's like a ship sailing in the wind and waves, the more stable it is, the less likely it is to be overturned by the wind and waves.
Let the emotions flow smoothly in the heart, and the calmer the heart, the more calmly we can deal with the problems behind the emotions.
When negative emotions come like a tidal wave, we can start by saying to ourselves, "It's okay, it's normal to have this kind of emotion." ”
Next, analyze and analyze your own problems. We don't have to be ashamed of our problems, just write them down and remind ourselves not to make mistakes next time.
Finally, when the emotions slowly subside, we have completed another wonderful journey of knowing ourselves.
After a few times like this, we can master a miraculous way to reconcile with ourselves and make our minds clearer.
It's not our intention to make mistakes, but it's the best choice we can make to keep going.
Finally, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and look forward bravely.
"Flowers have a reblooming day, and no one is young." Life is indeed like a one-way street, gone and never returned, and there is no way to start again.
Because of this, mistakes that have been made are often regrettable. However, life is not just a pile of regrets.
Those beautiful and precious experiences will give us great strength and courage to cross mountains formed by mistakes.
On the other side of the mountain, there is always a better version of yourself eagerly looking forward to it.
So, let's boldly say to our past selves, "Go forward bravely, there's nothing to fear." ”
The regret behind us really can't be changed, but the light ahead is still worth our hard work.
I'm Oxygen, a middle-aged girl who grew up with you.
#心理 #疗愈 #成长 #读书 #自渡