In the past two days, there have been more private messages asking for help about children's self-harm, and this phenomenon is still relatively common.
The first thing to be clear about is that a child's self-injurious behavior is a "complex factor" and not a singular nature. When many parents educate their children, they tend to be more straightforward, do not understand their children's inner feelings, and sometimes do more radically.
For example, when you see your child crying and going home, without knowing the facts, you define your child and say that you are not doing well and making others angry. You need to apologize to others.
It's actually quite risky.
If it's a big-hearted child, it's fine, just go over with a big grin; However, the more delicate and sensitive type of child lacks a sense of security, and at this time, there will be confusion and complaining.
They will hate their parents, why don't they understand themselves, always turn their elbows outward to say good things about others, and put the blame on themselves.
If you encounter some stressful things in the future, there may be a traumatic process, causing psychological discomfort to the child.
If you can't adjust, you may self-harm.
In addition to the impact of education, what else directly determines a child's self-harming behavior? One is isolation, interpersonal isolation and bullying are the inducing factors for self-harm.
Unlike adults, most of the self-injurious behaviors in children are the result of abuse. The abuse here includes bullying by classmates, accusations from teachers, beating and scolding by parents, etc., some of which may not be a single reason, but a compound, and in severe cases, it may be bullying between multiple groups.
In such a situation, the child will feel lonely and lonely inside, and the suppressed emotions cannot be alleviated.
At this time, they lack support, and they will seek short-sightedness and end a life of suffering. They will feel that no one in this world will love me, that I will not be loved by others, that I have no value in this world.
The other one is more hidden, that is, "psychological defects". I don't want to elaborate on technical terms here, and try to choose a language that ordinary people can understand.
What is a psychological defect? For example, intellectual disability. Some children are affected by the mother's pregnancy and childbirth factors, genetics and diseases at the time of birth, or accidents during delivery, hydrocephalus, meningitis, etc., various circumstances will lead to the child's intellectual impairment.
Under such conditions, people's psychological development will be slow, showing poor social adaptability and inability to get along with others, which can easily lead to interpersonal rejection.
ADHD, attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder are also very common. Many children have ADHD, which manifests as a disability for attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, as well as neurodevelopmental disorders.
If the child suffers from this disease, there is a high probability that there will be problems in interpersonal relationships and peer relations in the future.
This situation is unavoidable, it is caused by the child's own problems, and it needs to be treated systematically, but many parents do not pay attention to this problem, and when the child behaves abnormally, they will subjectively think that they are very weird, disobedient, always make trouble, and take the way of beating and scolding to discipline.
After a long time, it is inevitable that the child will be affected. Originally, they need more training to adjust, they will not grow, the setbacks will be greater, and the children will choose to self-harm under the premise of low mood and pain.
From the perspective of psychological science, you will find that children's self-harm behavior is not so simple, and there are still many problems in actual analysis, and each person's situation is different, and it is relatively difficult to deal with it.
For parents, when they see their children self-harming, what they need to do is to do the following.
First, actively seek professional help. Don't carry a lot of things, and always feel that your education can solve the problem. When the problem is complicated, education and guidance alone will not work at this time.
If an abnormality is found, it is necessary to see a doctor to make a clear diagnosis and assess the nature of the child's psychological problems in a timely manner, and find appropriate solutions in a targeted manner.
If the problem is detected early and solved early, the mitigation will be faster, and it will only get worse if it drags on for a long time.
Second, don't beat and scold, and use control, accusation, etc. to solve the problem. Some parents will be very nervous and frightened when they see their children self-harming, and they are afraid that their children will develop in extreme directions, and they will panic.
At this time, panic does not have much effect. The more panicked you are, the more chaotic it will be, which will cause the problem to expand.
What needs to be done at this time is to listen and empathize. First, ask your child why he is doing this. Can you tell Mom and Dad, why are you self-harming, let me find out what the reason is.
Parents should be calm first.
If you don't calm down and can't calm down, it can lead to even more chaos.
Of course, my suggestion here is that parents should consult first, consult experts for advice and evaluation, and then deal with it, and cooperate with doctors and other professionals to carry out their work.
Sometimes it is necessary to listen to the doctor for their opinion.
Third, create a good living environment for children to avoid their isolation. Regardless of the form of self-harm, the essence of self-harm will be related to psychological disorders and disorders. What parents can do at this time is to accompany their children and create a signal that we are there for you.
When the child feels and understands this, he will feel much more relieved and can avoid the intensification of his behavior.
Seek help at the same time, and the solution to the problem will be smoother.