Wen \ Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
Karen. In her book The Psychology of Marriage, Honey puts it this way:
"Intense love stirs up all our hidden hopes, and our desire to be recognized and happy, which may be hidden deep in our hearts, or even dormant."
That's right, when we fall in love with someone, we seem to find a creditor, and we feel that this person should meet all our needs, and those needs that are ignored in the original family will be waiting to be fed.
However, you will find that he is not able to meet all your needs, and he is even better at triggering the deepest pain in your soul.
Does it still make sense to get married?
Of course it makes sense.
Writer Ai Xiaoyang said:
"The purpose of marriage is to make society more stable, not to increase the happiness of the individual."
Yes, marriage is of great significance to society, and for ourselves, although it does not increase our happiness, it is also the best place to perfect our personality.
In the past, when I was doing emotional counseling, I often persuaded people to divorce, but after reading thousands of cases and refining my psychological foundation, I rarely persuaded people to divorce.
The most fundamental reason why I became an emotional counselor is that I have experienced a lot of pain myself, and I often have the urge to divorce, but I held it and persevered, so my marriage turned from suffering to enjoyment.
Today I would like to share a point of view with you: when a woman can live a married life with a single mentality, then whoever you marry will be happy.
01. Earn your own money to buy flowers and wear, and you can live a life of poetry without a man
"An independent woman is the most attractive."
The first thing to have a single mentality is to be independent, financially independent, and don't count on men's support.
In the TV series "Obstetrician", Director Wei Lili of the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology is an attending physician with a very good reputation, she has superb medical skills, sincerity, and in the obstetrics team, she is also very appealing.
Her independence and strength won the favor of Dean Zheng, and the two finally broke through many obstacles and came together.
Some people say that there are so many more beautiful young girls in the hospital, why does Dean Zheng favor Director Wei? Because if a really smart man really wants to have a reliable marriage, he will definitely choose a woman like Wei Lili.
In his career, he has made great achievements; In terms of income, it is also very rich, with a bottom line and principles, marrying such a wife, you can be alone outside, and your family can hold up half the sky.
Yes, such a woman, in marriage, she does not need to rely on her husband's finances, she is able to run her life well, what man would not like such a woman?
Some people say:
"Marry a man, marry a man, dress and eat."
This is very applicable in ancient times, when women could only rely on men financially, but in modern times, it does not apply at all.
For modern women, financial independence and not relying on men are important guarantees for a happy marriage. When you can earn money to buy flowers and wear, whether you have a man or not, you can live a poetic life. Such independence and self-confidence can give you more choice and voice in your marriage, and also make the other party respect and appreciate you more.
In marriage, it is not that a woman cannot spend a man's money, on the contrary, a woman spends a man's money, but the premise of spending it is that she can also earn money, the more she can earn, the better, and the more money she can freely dispose of, the better.
02. When you're in a bad mood, reading, singing, and relaxing yourself are your own business, and it has nothing to do with men
"Emotional management is a sign of maturity."
Shanghai female writer Zhou Liyu said in "Emotional Blind Spot":
"When a person has a strong sense of insecurity in her heart, she is like a hound with a keen sense of smell, and when she smells the slightest hint of discord, she immediately raises her vigilance. It may just be an inadvertent oversight on the part of a boy, or a man and a woman's way of thinking differently, but such a smell is interpreted by women as 'unlove'. ”
Yes, most of our women can't escape the "attachment", we are always demanding of men's love, eager to be loved, and the biggest problem encountered in entering an intimate relationship is: feeling the pain of not being loved.
However, have you ever thought that if you don't meet this man and you don't marry her, your life will be gone?
Apparently not.
Therefore, if you want to live a good life, it is better to be without this man in the family.
Thinking of one of my readers, Xiaomei, when she first entered marriage, she also encountered pressure and troubles, but she was more rational and belonged to the kind of person who was more indifferent.
She is very careful and never takes her emotions out on her husband.
Once she is in a bad mood, she will choose to relax herself by reading, singing, exercising, etc. Through self-regulation, she not only improves her mood, but also avoids unnecessary quarrels and conflicts.
I remembered that there was a sentence in "Marriage and Family" that said it very well:
"There is a basic law in marriage that people who can maintain their self-balance are more likely to be happy."
Yes. This ability to maintain self-balance is actually an ability to regulate one's emotions.
Everyone has moments of low mood, but learning to deal with emotions independently is a sign of maturity. Relax yourself by reading, singing, exercising, etc., and not bring negative emotions to each other, which not only maintains family harmony, but also makes you stronger and more independent.
Emotional management is a personal affair and has nothing to do with men, and such a mindset can make a marriage more stable and happy.
Writer XII says:
"Love is not about matching you with a mom and dad, that person is just your partner. When you have time, you accompany each other, and if you don't have time, you are wonderful. You don't have to wait for him to be there all the time, for him to give permission, for him to respond. It doesn't have to be this way to be happy. Self-fulfillment and self-satisfaction can also be happiness. ”
That's a good point, if your parents can't fully satisfy you and love you unconditionally, then why should the "stranger" who steps into marriage with you satisfy you everything?
Wake up a woman who always wants to be loved with one sentence:
"If you don't expect a response, you have boundless freedom, and if you expect a response, you'll fall into a deep hell."
03. Mei Niang said
In CCTV's "Reader", Zhang Aijia read aloud a fragment of "Out of Africa", Zhang Aijia is a woman with a rich love history, she said to us firmly in the show:
"Women have to learn to look at the problem this way, each of us comes alone, walks alone, people have to face the world by themselves after all, don't pin everything on another person, feel that there is happiness with this person, tragedy without this person, not like this. Your fate with another person is certain, you have gone through a certain road together, and when the fate time comes, the two people will embark on a forked road, going farther and farther, so in the end, you have to go your own way well. ”
Yes, if we were once a person and ended up being alone, then there is one more person in the marriage, who can bear the economy with us, build a home with us, and let us have a place to live, even if he can't understand all our emotions, but this is enough to be grateful.
Yes, when you are financially independent and do not demand a man in terms of emotional value, you will find that the existence of a man far exceeds your expectations, and the feeling of happiness will naturally arise.
Yes, live your married life with a single mindset and happiness will exceed your expectations.