Adolescent children have a desire for independence in their hearts
During puberty, the child grows rapidly in height and weight, and the reproductive system is also developed. Physiologically they are close to adults.
In addition, the development of their brains, nerves and thinking makes their thinking richer and richer.
They already see themselves as adults psychologically, they yearn for independence in their hearts, they want to be free from their parents' discipline, and they also want their parents to see them as adults.
At this time, if their parents discipline them, they will rebel violently. Sometimes they know that what their parents say is right, but in order to show their "independence", they will still fight their parents to the end.
If parents do not understand the characteristics of their growth, it is easy to think that it is disrespectful and offensive to the child, which leads to serious conflicts between parents and children.
In fact, this is a child's growth process, neither the fault of the child nor the parents, but the lack of understanding between the two parties.
Coping strategies:
1. Parents should understand the characteristics of their adolescent children's growth and let their children know their own growth characteristics. In this way, there will be more tolerance and understanding between each other.
2. Parents should let go in time and give their children space to grow independently. At this time, parents can only let go of their children's hearts and minds.
If at this stage, parents still cling to it, they are actually depriving their children of the right to grow up.
3. Parents should stand on an equal footing with their children and live peacefully with them as "friends", so that children are more likely to open up to you.
When your child is struggling, it is easier for him to confide in you so that you can help him in a timely manner.
Adolescent children are full of contradictions
The contradiction between psychological maturity and the semi-maturity of reality.
In their hearts, they already regard themselves as adults, and they want to make their own decisions. But in fact, their values and outlook on life have not yet been fully formed, and their psychology has not yet fully matured.
The contradiction between psychological independence and dependence.
They are psychologically eager to be independent and do not want to rely on their parents anymore, but in real life, they know nothing about society, and in many ways, they are still inseparable from the support of their parents.
The contradiction between the closed self and social communication.
On the one hand, they close their inner world, they don't want to reveal themselves to the outside world, and they want to have a private space; On the other hand, because they are lonely, they want to communicate with others and hope to be understood and supported by their peers.
In short, their hearts are full of all kinds of contradictions, which makes their hearts very depressed and makes them extremely fragile psychologically.
They cannot bear the fingers that others point at them, nor can they accept the discipline and control of their parents.
Adolescent children are like hedgehogs, covered in thorns, and if parents and children collide hard, the end result will hurt both parties.
At this time, if parents know how to tolerate and use wisdom, it will be more conducive to the growth of their children.
Coping strategies:
1. Parents should understand their children's ambivalence and allow them to vent their negative emotions.
2. Parents should not always force their children to do what they want, but listen to their children's true inner voice and allow them to be themselves, not what they want them to be.
3. Parents can talk to their children about your upbringing and how you faced this ambivalence during your adolescence.
Adolescent children
There is a sharp increase in hormone secretion and mood swings
In adolescent children, as the secretion of hormones increases dramatically, their worries will also suddenly increase, and their mood ups and downs will change significantly.
They are troubled not only by their image in public, but also by their status among their peers, and by conflicts with their parents.
In short, at this stage, once they feel that they are not accepted by their peers or are not understood by their parents, they will have a great emotional reaction.
What would have been a small thing, they would have magnified it several times.
Coping strategies:
1. When the child is very angry and aggrieved, parents should learn to calm down, the child's emotions are actually temporary, they just can't control their emotions well.
2. Parents should accept and understand their children's emotions and listen to their children's inner voices. In fact, in many cases, the listening of parents will release the emotions of their children.
3. Parents can pay more attention to their own things, such as reading books and exercising. If you can divert your attention, it will also help you control your emotions.
Adolescent children
The brain is not well developed and does not inhibit impulses well
By puberty, they have a sudden increase in worries, mood swings, and the imperfect development of the prefrontal lobes in their brains, which is responsible for impulses, make them easily impulsive and do things that are unexpected.
Children at this stage, thinking about problems, rarely think about the consequences.
Famous educator Jeffrey. Bernstein once said:
Parents who are obsessed with fighting for power with their rebellious children will end up losing both.
Coping strategies:
1. Parents should not escalate conflicts, and even if there are some conflicts, they should resolve them amicably with their children.
2. Parents try to manage their emotions well and don't overreact to a small thing.
3. Parents don't scare their children. Some parents like to scare their children, and when they encounter problems, they will describe things as serious, which is not conducive to the development of children.
Adolescent children
I care a lot about the growth of my personality
Adolescent children are very concerned about their uniqueness, and they want to be unique.
For example, sometimes the child suddenly changes to a cool hairstyle or buys a very special dress to go home.
Many times, parents will not get used to it, and will ask their children to change their hairstyle or throw away the dress.
In fact, this is an adolescent child, not alone, this is the commonality of adolescent children.
They want to be different, they want to be noticed by more people around them.
We must understand that the child is always an independent individual, he has his right to choose, and parents cannot interfere too much.
Coping strategies:
Parents should allow the child to have his own personality, it is his right, his freedom. Only when parents give their children enough space to grow can they become a better version of themselves.
Adolescent children
Focus on ability and academic performance, and want to show self-worth
Adolescent children very much want to show their worth. Either you have excellent academic performance, or you have a skill, or you have special abilities.
Their ability and academic performance affect their status in social groups and their self-evaluation.
Therefore, in addition to studying, it is best to let your child have a hobby, whether it is sports, art, or your child's presentation ability.
As long as they have "a skill", they can develop self-confidence and make them feel self-worth.
Coping strategies:
1. Don't limit your child's hobbies and strengths for the sake of learning. Hobbies and specialties can also give children confidence and a sense of worth.
2. At this stage, the child's self-awareness is highly developed, and parents should look at the child with an appreciative eye and give the child more positive affirmation. With the affirmation of others, he will not make too low an opinion of himself.
3. Don't hit or deny your child. If you hit and deny your child, you will only make him lose confidence.
Adolescent children place more emphasis on peer relationships
Their main influencers have changed from their parents to their peer group. As a result, they communicate less and less with their parents and more with their peers.
Children at this stage are very lonely and want to communicate with their peers.
They also want to be recognized by their peers and more identified with the values of their peers.
We can understand why others buy the same T-shirt as the celebrity, and your child should also buy it; When someone buys a new phone, your child wants to buy it too.
Children need the attention of their peers, and the best thing for parents to do is to support their communication with their peers.
Coping strategies:
1. Parents can tell their children the bottom line of making friends, and as long as the child does not break the bottom line, parents should not prevent their children from socializing with peer groups.
2. Parents should be more supportive of their children's interactions with peer groups. For example, you can invite them to your home as a guest, or you can take them to play with you.
If parents can support their child's interaction with his peer group, the child will be very happy and will also promote friendship between him and his peer group.
3. The child's self-esteem is particularly strong at this stage, and parents must maintain the child's self-esteem, especially in front of his peers.
Rebellion is only a small part of life, we don't have to overreact to our children's rebellion, let alone anxiety and nervousness, as long as we are a little patient, there will always be "calm".
At this stage, our task is to let go in time and "quietly" wait for the child's growth.
Of course, letting go here is not to let it go, but to have clear boundaries between parents and children, and children must have their own growth space.
Choi Kyung-sook
Positive Psychology Instructor
Contact: 13331666672
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