Miao is a repeat girl in high school, the second oldest in the family, with an older brother and a younger brother, her father died in her first year of junior high school, and now her mother takes care of the whole family alone. When my father was there, the family was relatively happy, but now there is little communication between the family, and I feel depressed when I am at home, and I can't feel the warmth of the family. Last year, due to unsatisfactory graduation results, I chose to repeat my studies, and now my grades are in the middle of the class.
Miao's self-statement: I live a very depressed and unhappy life every day. I feel like I'm going to fail when I'm so big, I can only read, and I can't get along with others. I don't feel the warmth of home, I have less time to go home in my third year of high school, and even when I go home, I don't have much communication with my family, and I am not happy at home. I'm not happy at school, I'm very uncomfortable in class, I'm afraid of making eye contact with two classmates in the class, I'm always thinking about how to avoid them, and sometimes I'm not comfortable walking on the school road. I didn't have any friends in the class to talk to, I didn't have any friends in the dormitory, I was basically a loner, I was very introverted, and I couldn't fit in with other classmates. I want to be lively and cheerful, to be able to mingle with other people, instead of living in a world where there is only one person. I live carefully every day, I don't know how to express it, and I don't know how to say no. I hate that.
When Miao's family suffered the death of an important relative, the family atmosphere became dull compared to before, and there was less communication and emotional connection between family members, resulting in Miao not feeling warmth and family support at home. Miao cannot objectively understand himself and his relationship with the people around him, has a low self-esteem, and hopes to gain affirmation and recognition by meeting the needs of others.
By building a trusting counseling relationship with Ah Miao, she felt safe, accepted, and released the emotions and thoughts that had been pent up. Through the scene reconstruction intervention, she gradually clarified the events that bothered her, and her mood was significantly relieved.
Me: You're in the same class as Ah Zhu, but you have to avoid her, will it be uncomfortable?
Miao: yes, I'm uncomfortable.
Me: Did you have a conflict with her?
Miao: I don't think so.
Me: Why are you avoiding her?
Miao: Because she told me that her friend Ah Ying is not.
Me: Elaborate on what happened.
Ah Miao: Ah Zhu and Ah Ying are both class cadres, one day after school, the teacher asked them to tidy up the classroom, Ah Ying wanted to go to dinner early, and told Zhu that she would leave without tidying up. There is also the fact that Ah Zhu is responsible for arranging the seats of the classmates in the class, we all know that it is impossible to take care of every classmate in the row of seats, Ah Ying, as a class cadre, did not understand, but made unreasonable demands to Ah Zhu, which made Ah Zhu even more embarrassed. Ah Zhu told me about Ah Ying's behavior.
Me: Is she telling you the truth?
Miao: Yes.
Me: Did she ask you to do anything after she told you? For example, ignore Ah Ying?
Miao: Nothing, that's all.
Me: These are all things between the two of them, why did you avoid her when she told you?
Ah Miao: Because Ah Ying is better with me, Ah Zhu shouldn't say this bad thing about her in front of me.
Me: Will it affect your relationship with Ah Ying?
Miao: No.
Me: She didn't exaggerate either, nor did she ask you to do anything, so why can't you say it?
Miao: Because I'm better with Ah Ying, she shouldn't have told me this, I felt like I needed to do something, but I didn't know what to do.
Through scene reconstruction intervention, she realized that Ah Zhu and her saying this did not require her to do anything, nor did it mean that she hated Ah Ying, Ah Zhu just wanted to complain, and it would not affect her relationship with Ah Ying.
Me: Ah Lian is sitting next to you, you have a normal relationship, so there is little communication, this is normal, why do you feel uncomfortable?
Miao: I think I'm going to go over and talk to her, and I should talk to her.
Me: Why?
Miao: Because she's sitting next to me.
Me: Why do you have to talk to her when you sit next to you?
Miao: That looks better.
Me: You mean, as long as you sit near you, you have to go over and talk to her, so it looks like you get along better, don't you?
Miao: Yes.
Me: Did you go over and talk to her?
Miao: No, I don't dare to go because I'm not familiar with her, so I don't have much to talk about.
Me: You're the one sitting near Ah Lian, and according to your thoughts, she should come and talk to you as well. Did she do that?
Miao: No.
Me: I found that many of your ideas have words such as "should" and "definitely" in them. What would it be like to ask yourself with these words?
Miao: I feel like I'm pushing myself, which makes people very anxious.
I found a pathological memory of Ah Miao in my subconscious state, and during a piano practice in junior high school, the teacher spoke highly of her, which made her very happy. Her mother was there to watch, and deep down she hoped for her mother's approval. However, when she walked up to her mother, she said, "You still have potential to tap into, and there is still room for better performance." Her mother thought it was an encouragement, but she felt like she had been hit hard, as if no matter how hard she tried, in her eyes, she was always not working enough. No matter how much praise she gets from others, she will never be good enough with her mother. She felt frustrated, had low self-esteem, and felt worthless. I restructured Miao's pathological memories, and her depressed mood stabilized a lot.
After more than two months of memory restructuring intervention, Miao's inner entanglement was released, her mood became more comfortable, she was more comfortable and natural in class, and she was able to concentrate in class. A smile appeared on her face, and she was more tolerant and affirmative of herself. Look at the things around you more objectively, get along with others more naturally, and have confidence in your future life. Miao's mother reported that she had more smiles on her face, made more eye contact when chatting with her, and got along more naturally.