First of all, it needs to be stated that Woody Allen is a well-known skinny man.
Why is a emaciated literary handsome man keen to write "fat man who loves to eat"? Perhaps some answers can be obtained from his short story "Diet Plan": the protagonist is a bit fat, he doesn't care, but his back is poked in the spine, not to say that he is "more than stout and has a limited future".
This article is excerpted from "Geniuses, Please Note", the original title of "Fat Handbook" and "Chalastutla Eats Like This". The foregoing is said to have been stimulated by fashion magazines, and inspired by Dostoevsky, who spoofed Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, etc. as "foodies"...
According to him, losing weight and dieting is like a crime, do you think you will lose only fat in the end, no, "in this way, you may lose the two pounds that contain our talent, human feelings, love and loyalty"!
"Fat Man's Handbook"
I'm fat, so fat that it's disgusting. As far as I know, no one is fatter than me. My whole body was nothing else, full of false flesh. My fingers are fat, my wrists are fat, and my eyes are fat. (Can you imagine fat eyes?) I weighed hundreds of pounds, and the extra flesh on my body flowed down the sundae like hot chocolate. My waistband who looked at it couldn't believe it. There is no doubt that I am a real fat man.
Well, the reader may ask, what are the advantages and disadvantages of looking like a big ball? I don't want to joke or flashback; but I must say that obesity itself has nothing to do with bourgeois morality, it's just obesity. Of course, to say that obesity itself has value, that obesity is a sin, or that it makes people pitiful, is a joke and absurd! What is obesity? It is nothing more than the accumulation of fat. What is Fat Meat? It's just the sum of the cells. Does a cell have moral implications? Is a cell good or evil? Leave him alone, the cells are too tiny. Friend, we should never distinguish between what is good meat and what is evil meat. We must try to get used to not making any judgment when we meet a fat man, not thinking about whether this person is a first-class fat man or a lewd fat man.
Let's say K. This guy is fat and fat, and if he doesn't use a crowbar, he usually can't even penetrate the door hole. Without stripping off his clothes and covered in butter, he simply wanted to move from one room to another in an ordinary dwelling. He must have been ridiculed by the little gangsters on the street, and so have I. He must have often heard people call him "short" or "postbox", and he was terrified by it. On the eve of Michael's Day, the governor of his hometown said to him in front of many dignitaries: "You big rice bucket!" "He must have been heartbroken.
Suddenly, he couldn't stand it anymore and began to diet. Yes, dieting! First the sweets, then the bread, the wine, the starches, the sausages, in short, he gave up the food that he had to hire someone to help tie his shoelaces. Gradually, he lost weight. Clumps of flesh disappeared from the arms and thighs. Before he was round and round, now he appeared in front of everyone in a normal posture, and even a very attractive figure. He looked happier than anyone else. I say "look" because eighteen years later, he was nearing the end of his death, so thin that his whole body was burning hot; someone heard him shouting, "My fat!" Get it back to me! Please, I want to be fat! Bring me some fat! I was so stupid that I lost my fat! I was hit by a demon! "I think the meaning of this story is too obvious.
Well, the reader may be thinking, you are so fat, why not go to the circus? I can tell you, but I'm really embarrassed: because I can't get out of the house. I couldn't get out because I couldn't put on my pants. I can't wear my pants because my legs are too thick. I ate more cured beef than the whole street on Second Avenue. Arguably, there are an average of twelve thousand cured beef sandwiches per leg. Also, beef isn't all lean, although I want lean meat. One thing is certain: if my fat body could speak, it would probably be about a person's bitter loneliness, and perhaps a few notes about the paper-folding boat. Every pound of fat on my body wanted to speak, and my jaw, which overlapped more than a dozen layers on my face, wanted to speak. My fat fat is a very peculiar fat fat, and it has seen a lot of the world. My calves have gone through vicissitudes. My fat fat is not happy, but it is not fake, but real fat. Fake fat is the worst fat fat, although I don't know if it's still sold in the store.
But let me talk about my gaining weight. I've not always been like this. What made me obese was the church. At one point, I was also very thin, quite thin. Actually, I'm so thin, if you call me fat, there must be a perceptual error. And so it was, until one day, I think it was my twentieth birthday, and I was drinking tea and crackers with my uncle at a good restaurant; suddenly, my uncle asked the question: "Do you believe in God?" He asked, "If you believe, do you know how heavy God is?" With that, he took a long and comfortable sip of his cigar. And as soon as he put on a hesitant look, he suddenly coughed so much that I even thought he was going to vomit blood.
"I don't believe in God," I told him, "you say, if there is God, why are there people who are poor and people who are bald?" Why is it that some people have no disease in their lives, and some people can have a headache for weeks? Why are our days counted in numbers and not letters? Uncle, did you answer, or were you asked by me? ”
I knew it was okay to say that, because my uncle had never been intimidated by anything. He had seen his chess teacher's mother being raped by a Turk, and if it hadn't been for too long, he would have even found the whole thing interesting.
"Good nephew," he said, "no matter what you think, God has it. God is everywhere. Yes, everywhere! ”
"Everywhere? You don't know if we ourselves exist, so how can we say that God exists? It is true that I am touching your now, but could it also be an illusion? Isn't all life an illusion? Honestly, aren't there some sages in the East who believe that nothing but the brain doesn't exist except the oyster and seafood tavern at Central Station? Rather, we are lonely and helpless, with no purpose, destined to wander in an indifferent universe, with no hope of redemption, no prospects, only suffering, death, and eternal emptiness. ”
I could tell that these words impressed my uncle, and he said to me, "Do you know why there are not many people who invite you to play?" Oh my God, you're so perverted! He accused me of nihilism, and then said in the mysterious tone of an old man: "It's not that you want to find God wherever you want, God is where he is." But rest assured, good nephew, he's everywhere. Let's say he's in this cracker. "Having said that, he left, leaving me his blessings and a bill to buy an aircraft carrier.
I came home and thought of his simple words: "He's everywhere." Let's say he's in this cracker. "At that time, I was a little dizzy, felt weak, and lay on the bed and took a nap. As soon as I fell asleep, I had a dream. This dream will change my life. I dreamed that I was walking in the countryside and suddenly felt hungry. Or maybe I'm starving to death. Seeing a restaurant, I went in and ordered a beef sandwich and a plate of french fries. The waitress, who looked like my landlady (an extremely mediocre woman who was immediately reminiscent of hair-baked moss), wanted to tempt me to order a chicken salad that wasn't very fresh. When I spoke to her, she became a set of twenty-four pieces of silver cutlery. I burst into laughter, and suddenly tears flowed and turned into a severe eardrum infection. The room was full of light, and I saw a shining figure galloping on a white horse. It turned out to be my foot doctor. Feeling guilty, I fell to the ground.
This is my dream. When I woke up, I felt refreshed. Suddenly I was optimistic and everything became clear. My uncle's words are touching on the meaning of my life. I went into the kitchen and ate big. I saw what to eat, cakes, bread, cereal, meat, fruit, delicious chocolate, vegetables dipped in sauce, wine, fish, cream with noodles, sugar crust snacks, and sausages, worth more than sixty thousand dollars. My conclusion is that if God is everywhere, he is in the midst of food. Therefore, the more I eat, the more I feel like God. Infected with this new religious fervor, I ate wildly. In six months, I became a saint, praying in my heart, eating only, and crossing the state border. The last time I saw my feet was on a Thursday morning, in Vitebsk, though, as far as I know, my feet were still under me. I ate and ate, fat and fat. Reducing the amount of food you eat will be the biggest mistake, even a crime! Because, dear reader (assuming you're not as big as I am), the twenty pounds we lost are probably the best twenty pounds on us! In this way, we may lose the weight that contains our talents, human feelings, love, and loyalty. Or as far as one inspector I know is an unsightly extra flesh around the buttocks.
At this point, I know what you're going to say. You would say that this is very different from everything I said earlier. Suddenly I talked about neutral meat, about the benefits! Yeah, so what? Isn't life the same contradiction as this? A person's perception of fat can change as the seasons change, the hair turns white, and life itself changes. Because life is change, fat is life, fat is death. Don't you understand? Fat is everything! Unless, of course, you're fat and overweight.
Zarathustra ate it
Nothing in the world can excite the intellectuals and tell the academic community what a great thinker has not yet made for discovery, just as it does when looking at a drop of water under a microscope. I recently came across such a treasure on a recent visit to Heidelberg to collect some scars from nineteenth-century sword fighting, which is now rare. Who would have thought that friedrich Nietzsche's Fitness Diet existed? Critics may find the book's authenticity slightly questionable, but most people who have read it carefully believe that no Western thinker could combine Plato and Pritikin (1915-1985), an American nutritionist and pioneer in longevity research, like Nietzsche. Melted in a furnace. Below is an excerpt from the book.
Nietzsche
Fat itself is a substance, or a material essence, or a form of essence. If fat accumulates in the buttocks, it is quite a problem. In the pre-Socratic school, Zeno of Elea (c. 495–430 BC) was an ancient Greek philosopher and mathematician. Weight is an illusion, and no matter how much a person eats, his degree of obesity is always half that of a person who never does push-ups. The ancient Athenians were fascinated by having an ideal body. In a lost script by Aeschylus, when Clyteignestra discovers that he can't wear a swimsuit, he breaks his vow not to snack between meals and cuts his eyes out.
Only Aristotle could explain the question of weight in scientific terms, and at the beginning of The Ethics he said that the circumference of any person is equal to the waist circumference multiplied by pi. This theory was popular until the Middle Ages. At the time, Aquinas translated several menus into Latin, and the first truly delicious lobster house opened for business. Going outside to get out of the restaurant is still despised by the church, and valet parking is also the original sin of greed for money.
Thomas Aquinas (c. 1225–1274) was a medieval philosopher and theologian
It is well known that for centuries Rome has regarded "open turkey hot sandwiches" as the first of its lasciviousness. Many sandwiches had to be closed and were only spread out again after the Reformation. Fourteenth-century religious paintings depicted for the first time an overweight person being sent to hell, wandering and wandering, and eating salad and yogurt. The Spaniards were particularly cruel, and during the Inquisition, someone who put crab meat in an avocado could be executed.
It is difficult for any philosopher to solve the problems of fatness and guilt, until Descartes splits the brain and the body in two, so that when the body is chewing, the mind thinks: What about him, it is not me anyway. The big problem with philosophy remains: If life has no meaning, then alphabet soup (soup with Roman alphabet-shaped macaroni). What to do? Leibniz was the first to say that fat is made up of monads. Leibniz paid attention to diet and exercise, but never got rid of his list. At least I didn't get rid of the list that was stuck on my thighs. Spinoza, on the other hand, eats frugally because he believes that God exists in all things. If you think that you are scooping mustard onto the first cause of all things, then it is terrible to swallow the pie in large gulps.
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz (1646–1716), German philosopher and mathematician, known as the seventeenth-century Aristotle
Is there a correlation between healthy eating and creative genius? Just look at Richard Wagner and see what he eats. French fries, fried cheese, shortbread, etc., gosh, his appetite is almost bottomless, but his music is really sublime. His wife, Cosima, also had a good appetite, but she ran every day. In the Ring of the Nibelungen series, Siegfried decides to go out for dinner with the Reins, eating a cow, two dozen chickens, several pieces of round cheese, and fifteen barrels of beer. When the bill came, he was shy. What is said here is that in life, people have the right to enjoy a side dish, either a cold cabbage or a potato salad. When choosing dishes, it must be very alarming, everyone knows that not only is human life on earth limited, but most kitchens close at ten o'clock.
Richard Wagner (1813–1883) was a German composer and conductor
As far as Schopenhauer is concerned, the disaster of existence is not much to eat, but to chew. Schopenhauer objected to chewing peanuts or chips carelessly while doing something else. Schopenhauer believed that once snacks were started, humans would continue to eat until the whole world was littered with crumbs. Kant was equally misguided. He proposed that when buying food, everyone should order the same meal, so that the world would be virtuous and achieve great unity. But Kant overlooked a problem: if everyone ordered the same meal, in the kitchen, people would quarrel over getting the last fish. Kant once suggested, "When you order your own food, it is like ordering food for everyone on the planet." "But what if the people around you don't eat guacamole?" Of course, in the end, there will be no virtuous food, unless half-cooked eggs are counted.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) was a German philosopher
In short: my own "pancakes on the other side of good and evil" and "power will salad sauce" belong to the great dishes that have really changed Western thinking, in addition to Hegel's "chicken scones" that first use leftovers and have profound political implications. Spinoza's "shrimp stir-fry" is a favorite of both atheists and ignorant, while Hobbes's little-known "grilled ribs" approach remains a mystery of the mind. The greatest thing about the "Nietzsche fitness recipe" is that once the excess meat is reduced, it is no longer on the body, while Kant's "starch theory" has no effect.
breakfast
orange juice
Two strips of bacon
Puffs
Grilled clams
toast
Herbal tea
The juice of an orange is the essence of the orange, the authenticity of the orange; it gives the orange the "nature of an orange", distinguishing its taste from boiled salmon or cornmeal porridge. For the pious, everything but cereal is frustrating. But God is dead, and there are no taboos. Puffs and clams, even spicy chicken wings, can be eaten at will.
lunch
A bowl of noodles, tomato marinade with parsley
Fine white bread
Stir in the mashed potatoes
Viennese cake
The powerful always eat abundantly, well-marinated, and well-stocked; while the powerless always peck at some malt and tofu, thinking that suffering in this life is for the sake of the blessings of the next life, roasting lamb every day. But, I assert, the afterlife is a repetition of this life, with no end in sight; and if so, the powerless will have to live forever to eat something low in carbohydrates and roast chicken without skin.
dinner
Steak or sausage
Potato cakes
Lobster sauce
Ice cream with pine cream, or multi-layer cake
It was Superman's dinner. Let those who worry about fatty and unsaturated fatty acids eat just to please a priest or a dietitian. Only Superman knows that the tender meat and oily cheese, served with thick desserts, oh, and the abundance of fried food, are none other than Dionysus (dionysus in ancient Greek mythology). ) favorite, if not regardless of its digestive system.
apothegm
Epistemology makes fitness diet inconclusive. If everything exists only in the brain, then not only can I order anything to eat, but the service will be perfect.
Man is the only creature that has a straight face to the waiter.
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