I was born in the Xinjiang Corps, and my family was in a grassroots company when I was a child.
(At the end of 1986, in the winter of thousands of miles of ice, my father and mother, with the approval of the leaders of the regiment headquarters and the division headquarters, ended their careers as soldiers in the Northwest Frontier Corps for more than 20 years, returned to their hometown in Henan, and went to work in Pingdingshan City.) My brother and I went with him. ）
In 1985, when I was in the Youth League Middle School, I occasionally saw the eldest sister of classmate Y in the Youth League headquarters, I was sure of my own judgment, the eldest sister of classmate Y worked in the Youth League Department, I didn't know what she was doing, I was a middle school student at that time, I was simple-minded, and I couldn't pretend to be in society.
My middle school music teacher is a middle-aged male, a class, the teacher whimsically to the class to report to the family to introduce his previous work: originally in the 1970s of the last century in the propaganda team of the regiment in the accompaniment, after a few years of reform and opening up in 1978, due to the performance of the propaganda team members did not adapt to the development of the market economy at that time, in the early 1980s of the last century, the propaganda team "disbanded", the propaganda team members in the leadership of the regiment under the care, Resume your responsibilities in all walks of life in the group. The leader of the group arranged the accompaniment of musical instruments to serve as the music teacher of the secondary school.
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Hearing this, I suddenly understood that the music teacher in front of me was once a colleague of the eldest sister of student Y, and I wondered in my heart, what kind of work does the eldest sister of student Y do in the league department? I was too young to worry about it, and I didn't think to ask people around me. Music teachers teach (former) Soviet songs, but there are also Japanese folk songs, and national songs are the main body; Our students sang in chorus, and the music teacher accompanied our students with a black and white accordion, and the singing and piano sounds reverberated in the classroom. One of the songs was titled "The Sun Never Sets, China, China", and from then on, I loved the joyful songs played on the accordion.
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I have the opposite personality of classmate Y, I have been a student who has been studying hard since I was in elementary school, and I have always been very unhappy when my teachers and classmates don't like me at school. My academic performance was not good, and I felt a sense of shame in my heart. No one noticed my very different situation, and my future path was indisputably discouraged in the eyes of my teachers and classmates, and I did not know that my young thoughts full of longing for the future had long been fogged and I could not find a way to move forward for a long time.
In my childhood memory, Y and my home are about 200 meters apart, Y no matter in school or in the free time on holidays, I can't count how many times I met Y unexpectedly, Y always smiled slightly, silent, lukewarm, pampered, unattainable, in the company primary school Y and I see each other almost every day, I only have no active talk with Y in my heart, because in school I and Y because of the speed of academic performance. Alienation and isolation", I am naturally worried that if I take the initiative to approach student Y, student Y will think that I am beyond my ability, and I can see that student Y's face is mixed with contempt and cold gaze on my slightly smiling face. Classmate Y and I have been consistent, silent, indifferent to each other, we ignore each other's own thinking, and we don't ask each other questions and are calm.
The instinct that Student Y gave me always liked to make friends with classmates who were top-notch in their studies, had excellent appearance, or had "faces" in the company, and as long as they met one of the conditions, they could become good partners of Student Y; The conditions for student Y to choose a "good partner" are not harsh, unfortunately, I do not have any of the above conditions, in contrast, my talents are dwarfed or very different from those of student Y, student Y naturally ignores me, and I immediately self-consciously stay away.
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Although classmate Y and I grew up in the company since childhood, we had a little intimate contact with each other when we were very young, and most of the time we were silent and indifferent to each other, more or less I still know classmate Y. I've been doing poorly in my studies, as if I was born to do so. I don't know that my growing thinking at a young age has long been firmly encircled in the shadows, and I sigh to myself, I will never find the way to forge ahead. There is no doubt that my teachers and classmates don't like me. often after school and after school; In my spare time back at home, only a very small number of classmates in my company's company were willing to play with me, and I faced the blank eyes and rejection of most of my classmates almost every day.
I am a girl who is born to maintain her dignity and love face, but I have no choice but to be surrounded by the contempt, ridicule, and indifference of teachers, classmates and people around me, which prompts me to suppress my inferiority complex and gradually accumulate over the years. Because of the distance between me and my classmates, I stubbornly ignore each other, or because the people around me and the teachers and classmates in the school can't accept me, the more they will snub and alienate me. The more I felt inferior, the more I felt inferior, and no one understood me and tolerated me, and my studies made no progress, let alone goals and lofty ideals. In my impression, classmate Y is not far away, not close, and his smile hides his inaction.
(I came to the mainland with my family, and when I became an adult, I went to work, and in the training of the big family of society, I came into contact with and saw that there are many adults similar to classmate Y.) ）