Sight, hearing, and feeling are the main channels for us to receive information from the outside world, and we will default to some of the experiences of the people closest to us as our own experiences, so you will find that children like to see what their parents do and how they treat the people around them, and they will not be very patient to listen to their parents' reasoning.
A person's initial cognitive pattern is brought about by his parents, and the relationship between his behavior pattern and his parents is the first interpersonal relationship of each of us.
If we feel stressed when we think about our parents, we might as well think about why we feel this way, whether it is our own efforts that we cannot meet our parents' expectations, or whether we ourselves are unable to satisfy our parents no matter how hard we feel we try.
Oriental culture has implicit characteristics, people are accustomed to suppressing their emotions, and some people are not even able to express their emotions because they have suppressed their emotions for a long time.
Our emotions come from the fact that we think that our feelings about the things we come into contact with are negative or positive, and the behavioral conflicts reflect the differences in cognitive systems and concepts, so the problem that a person is exposed is not a problem, but how a person looks at the problem is the real problem.
If a person is always stubborn and unchanging, then there will be no change in his life, but when the stubborn person can look at the problem from a different point of view, the way of dealing with the problem will change accordingly.
Sometimes, change begins with a loosening of perspectives, which is why the company's superiors and subordinates have to constantly communicate ideas in order to achieve a common goal.
In real life, we all have expectations that are not satisfied, and expectations include expectations for ourselves and others, and expectations are formed in the process of wanting to be satisfied but not being satisfied.
The reason why we have such expectations, rather than such expectations, comes from the process of forming expectations in our childhood, such as some of the demands that our parents made of us when we were children, and we slowly internalized these requirements into self-expectations and self-requirements when we were young.
But why are some children able to meet their parents' expectations and become other people's children, but some children are unable to meet their parents' expectations and become naughty and mischievous children at home who don't like to learn?
Think about what is the initial and deepest desire of each of us, often these desires have little to do with money, fame and fortune, and the initial desire of children is nothing more than the need to be loved, to be noticed, to be recognized, to be needed, which is the common denominator of all of us.
Behind a person's behavior, it must be accompanied by unfulfilled desires, such as many patriarchal families, girls lack the desire to be seen and unconditionally loved, and this problem will expose many problems when girls grow up.
If we can learn to communicate with each other calmly at every level through each other's behavior, then we will naturally gain insight into the other person's real needs, and we can also let the other party be fully accepted in the relationship.
For example, if a child doesn't do his homework, we instinctively want him to do his homework, and we will use accusations and control, if you don't do your homework, you won't let you play games, if you don't do your homework, don't watch TV, etc.
This method may be useful for children who are obedient and suppress their inner emotions, but it is not useful for children who are disobedient and are in a rebellious period and are unwilling to suppress their emotions.
The key to reducing conflict is to transform emotions, if parents try to directly express their opinions, feelings and expectations for children who do not do homework, it will naturally make children feel recognized and trusted, and then children will directly express their feelings, so that two people can have good and effective communication.
In fact, intimate relationships and parent-child relationships need to learn the way of emotional transformation to face each other's conflicts, and then let the contradictions and disputes between the two be clear about each other's demands, and can also solve the problem without hurting each other.
If the other party is someone who really loves you and cares about you, he can naturally understand your thoughts and try to do what he should do, if the other party is an adult and only thinks about himself, then this method of resolving conflicts is not applicable.
There is no absolute thing in the world, the above point of view belongs to the attitude towards people, no two people are exactly the same, how effective the communication is, in fact, mainly depends on the response of the other party.
However, from the perspective of human nature, everyone's behavior is based on their own best interests, and we often want to transform the closest people, but we must understand that everyone is different.
We can understand the differences of others, and we can live in harmony with each other, so that we can have more understanding and tolerance for others, and in fact, success and happiness are not measured.
There is no best in life, only better, as long as we learn not to direct dissatisfaction to the external environment, but to self-creation, no matter what the circumstances.
Naturally, we have enough power to create the living environment we want and a satisfying state of self.