In the complex web of interpersonal communication, we often meet people who may maintain frequent interactions with us on the surface, but inwardly seem to hold a certain degree of contempt or disdain for us.
This contradiction is often puzzling, why would a person choose to associate with us so often when he has a deep reservation about us?
1. Interest-driven exchanges
In the real world, interests often become an important driving force for interpersonal communication.
When a person frequently interacts with you, but his heart does not look down on you, it is probably because he sees some kind of benefit that you can bring to him.
This benefit may be material, such as your wealth, resources, or status; It may also be spiritual, such as some of your qualities or abilities that can satisfy a certain need.
In this case, he may take advantage of your kindness and sincerity to get what he wants through frequent interactions.
However, once his purpose is achieved, or when he finds that you can no longer bring him any benefit, he may not hesitate to leave you and may even speak ill of you behind your back.
As Shakespeare said in Hamlet, "Do not borrow money from others, for borrowing money from others will make you abandon the habit of frugality." And don't lend money to others, you will not only lose your principal, but also your friends. ”
Although this phrase is talking about money, the same applies to other forms of interest.
When a person engages you for the sake of profit, the relationship is often unstable and easily disturbed by external factors.
2. The satisfaction of vanity
Vanity is a common weakness in human nature that often drives people to seek superficial glory and respect.
When a person doesn't like you in his heart, but he frequently interacts with you, he may want to satisfy his vanity in this way.
He may feel that associating with you will make him appear more face-saving to certain people, or that he will gain a certain sense of superiority.
As a result, he may deliberately show off his achievements, wealth, or status in front of you as a way to show his superiority.
At the same time, he may also show a condescending attitude in front of you as a way to satisfy his vanity.
However, this kind of engagement based on vanity is often inauthentic, and it lacks real emotion and respect.
When his vanity is satisfied, he may gradually distance himself from you and may even develop a dislike for you.
The French writer Maupassant depicts in The Necklace the story of the protagonist who pays a heavy price for vanity.
He wrote: "Vanity can hardly be said to be an evil, but all evil deeds revolve around vanity, and are only a means to satisfy vanity." ”
This quote reminds us that vanity can get us into the wrong relationships and can even cost us dearly.
3. Seek emotional solace
In addition to profit and vanity, there is also a possible reason that he is lonely or lacks emotional comfort in his heart, so he chooses to associate with you frequently.
Even though he doesn't like you, he may feel that associating with you will give him a temporary break from loneliness or some kind of emotional fulfillment.
In this case, he may show an intimate attitude in front of you, but in reality he doesn't really see you as a friend or partner.
He may just see you as someone to talk to or someone to spend time with.
However, this kind of interaction based on emotional comfort is often unstable, and it lacks a real emotional foundation and shared values.
When his emotional needs are met, he may gradually distance himself from you and may even forget that you exist.
The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, "True friendship is based on mutual respect, shared values, and emotional empathy." ”
This quote reminds us that true relationships should be based on mutual respect and understanding, not just for the sake of seeking emotional comfort.
summary
In interpersonal interactions, we often meet people who look down on us in their hearts, but who frequently interact with us.
They may associate with us for reasons such as profit-driven, vanity gratification, or seeking emotional comfort.
However, regardless of their motives, we should keep a clear head and the ability to think independently and not be fooled by their superficial behavior.
At the same time, we should also learn to protect ourselves from falling into the wrong relationship.
A true relationship should be based on mutual respect, shared values and emotional empathy, so that we can build truly stable, healthy and long-lasting relationships.