Man should be virtuous,
But not excessively.
Author: Insight Leyla
I saw a question on Zhihu: "After entering the society, what are your deepest understandings?" ”
Gao Zan replied: "Don't get too drunk with wine, don't be too full with food, and never be too good to those who are low." ”
Because the three realms are divided into six realms, and the character is divided into nine grades.
In this cool world, not everyone is worthy of your kindness.
When you give your all without hesitation, many times you can't get back gratitude, and you can only get a lifetime lesson.
Always remember not to be too nice to people at the lower levels.
1
People who don't know how to be grateful should stay away from each other no matter how close they are
There is such a story, which you may have all heard.
A doesn't like to eat eggs, so he gives them to B every time he gives them an egg.
Over time, B got used to having eggs to eat and took it for granted.
Until one day, A doesn't give eggs to B, and he immediately scolds.
He forgot that the egg belonged to A, and that A could give it to whomever he wanted.
People who don't know how to be grateful can't appreciate what others give.
No matter how much you dedicate to him, you can't get a "thank you" in return, only endless resentment and hostility.
Writer Xiaobin once told his friend Duan Lin's personal experience.
Duan Lin and his wife opened a restaurant in the city and bought two properties.
One is for your own home, and the other is for your children's future.
When my sister heard about it, she decided to come and run.
Duan Lin was very happy when she found out, and she was afraid that her sister and brother-in-law would not have a place to stay, so she gave them another vacant house to live in for free.
She also paid out of her own pocket to help her sister open a restaurant and passed on her years of experience to the duo.
For many years after that, as long as her sister was in trouble, Duan Lin was always the first to lend a hand.
However, the human heart is unpredictable.
Duan Lin's wholehearted dedication did not bring a trace of return, but instead aroused the ugliest side of human nature.
When Duan Lin's son graduated from college and was ready to buy a house, she decided to sell the house she had lent to her sister to raise money for a down payment for her son.
Who knew that as soon as she proposed this idea, her sister was furious: "You can't sell my house." ”
The brother-in-law was even more emotional, and took a kitchen knife directly from the kitchen: "Whoever dares to sell this house, I will fight with whomever I want." ”
Facing the arrogant attitude of her sister's family, Duan Lin felt a chill.
She didn't expect that after years of giving, she would end up with such an ending.
In anger, she had a fierce quarrel with her sister's family, and went to the court to get the house back.
was originally close to each other, but eventually became old and dead.
"Journey to the West" said: "Grace will repay the world with little kindness, but turn kindness into revenge." ”
Being good is a virtue, but for some people it is not worth it.
Because people with low levels only have interests in their eyes and no gratitude.
If you are excessively kind, you will only be ignored and ignored; Excessive kindness will only lead to betrayal and bullying.
When interacting with people, don't wait until you are heartbroken to find out that you are paying the wrong heart.
2
Insatiable people, no matter how deep their feelings are, they have to refuse
Media person @陈四海, told about one of his experiences.
He used to have a close friend, and they had a very deep relationship with each other.
But just a few years ago, he opened a small supermarket, and the relationship between the two completely collapsed.
It turned out that for a while, he bought a batch of honey and sent two cans to his friend to taste.
Unexpectedly, after my friend tasted it, he said that it was delicious, and asked Maxson for a few cans, saying that he would give them to relatives at home.
Chen Sihai was afraid of face, so he could only bite the bullet and send a few more cans for free.
Since then, friends have tasted the sweetness.
The Dragon Boat Festival began to come to ask for zongzi, the Mid-Autumn Festival to ask for moon cakes, and the Spring Festival to ask for gift boxes......
As long as there are New Year's holidays, friends will come to Chen Sihai's supermarket and ask him for things openly and secretly.
Chen Sihai reminded his friends to pay several times, but the other party always habitually pretended to be stupid.
In the end, in desperation, Chen Sihai made up his mind and cut off contact with his friends.
For greedy people, no matter how hard you try, you can't really satisfy them.
Because their desires are endless, you can never fill that huge gap.
The more you give, the more the other person will take, and in the end it will only hurt you.
Writer Yang Benfen told a story in the novel "Autumn Garden".
There was an officer named Renshou, who had always been known for his kindness and generosity.
One year, his father died, and he returned home to mourn and live with his cousin.
My cousin is a well-known gambler in the area, and his family fortune is almost gone.
When he saw that Ren was living in his own house, he deliberately complained in front of him, saying that life was not easy.
Ren Shou was very guilty after hearing this, and immediately took out the money, saying that he would cover all the expenses of his cousin's family.
Unexpectedly, my cousin got the money, and soon went to the table to gamble.
After getting out of the casino, my cousin thought about it again.
He secretly colluded with others to defraud Renshou of money every once in a while.
Although Renshou was suspicious, every time he thought that his cousin was his relative, he would eventually help him.
As a result, within half a year, Ren Shou scattered all his family wealth and finally became poor.
Wang Xiaobo once said: "Kindness is never an easy task. Wrong kindness will not bring heaven to others, it will only drag you down to hell. ”
The terrible thing about people with low levels is not only that they are greedy, but that they will take endlessly while being greedy.
People's hearts are like the sea, and their desires are difficult to fill.
No amount of kindness can fill a heart full of desire.
If you are too kind, you will only let others gain an inch.
Always remember not to waste your limited goodness on insatiable people.
3
Your kindness is precious, and you have to give it to those who deserve it
In the Talmud, Jews often describe themselves as "Sablas."
"Sablas" means "cactus" in Chinese.
The Jews were convinced that the human disposition should be like that of the cactus: soft and vital on the inside, tough and thorny on the outside.
Although the cactus may not be as delicate as a flower, it is precisely because of the sharp thorns that surround it that it can defend its soft heart.
In this world, not everyone deserves to be good to him.
For those who are shallow, there is no need to hesitate when they need to refuse; When you need to be ruthless, you don't have to back down.
When you become angular, the world will show you the respect you deserve.
Writer Zhang Defen talked about Xiaolin's experience in the article.
A few years ago, Kobayashi bought a new car, and a female colleague often hitchhiked home with her.
Although Xiao Lin was very reluctant, out of the affection between colleagues, she never said no.
However, at a company dinner, this female colleague commented unabashedly: "Xiaolin's car is really too ordinary, and I sit quite uncomfortable." ”
In the face of such remarks, Xiao Lin just smiled slightly and did not say much.
But when the female colleague proposed to rub the car again, Xiao Lin replied without hesitation: "It's inconvenient." ”
After hearing this, the other party's face turned red for a moment, and then he left in a hurry.
Since that time, the other party has never looked for her again, and Xiaolin's life has become clean and comfortable.
As the saying goes, villains are not afraid of virtue.
Meaning, villains will only fear power, but will not respect virtuous and good people.
For this kind of person, blindly compromising and giving in will only make you physically and mentally exhausted.
Know that kindness and love are free, but not cheap.
Only by clarifying the bottom line at the right time can we avoid becoming a soft persimmon that can be manipulated by others.
When you have good intentions, but don't forget to stick to your bottom line, your kindness will be cherished.
▽
Jin Yong said in "The Book of Swords and Enmity": "The people on the rivers and lakes have sinister hearts, and when they treat their friends, of course, they put benevolence and righteousness first everywhere.
But when dealing with the villain, if you treat him softly, you will be deceived. ”
The most taboo thing about interacting with people is that you release kindness to no matter who you are.
Because low-level people are not good at grateful, but they are used to taking endlessly.
The kindness you give them is more than debt, and less is resentment.
In the face of this kind of give-and-take, try to be ruthless and indifferent.
When you really have boundaries and kindness, you can no longer feel cold and regretful.
Give it a thumbs up, for the rest of your life, your kindness is only given to the right people.