When a child is depressed, how can parents help him?

CCTV News

2024-05-26 04:59Published on the official CCTV news account of Beijing China Central Radio and Television

May 25 is National Mental Health Day for College and High School Students. According to the data of the National Blue Book on Depression (2022~2023) Edition, among the 6,670 valid questionnaires for the group of depressed patients recovered, 30% of the total number of depressed patients were under the age of 18, and half of them were school students. Some parents still face a strong sense of stigma because they still know little about depression; Some parents only see their children's behavior, but do not see the emotional and mental factors behind them, and simply characterize the problem as not liking to learn, rebellious in adolescence or weak willpower.

Once, Banxia was also such a parent, but the departure of the child made her completely understand that behind every sick child, there is a "sick" family. She got rid of the stigma and spoke out bravely, so as to remind more parents that after their children are diagnosed with depression, it is not only about letting their children take medicine and be hospitalized, but more importantly, parents should change.

At home in Guilin, Guangxi, the reporter met Banxia, and there was a cute long-haired Garfield named Cibao by her side, which was left by Banxia's daughter Xiaojiu before her death. Banxia, who didn't like pets very much in the past, now combs, feeds, and plays with the cat every day. The layout of the daughter's room is still the same as before, with the books she loves to read on the shelves, the globe on the windowsill, and the distant place that Xiaojiu once longed for.

Banxia: In her notepad, she wrote about many places she wanted to go, and then she wrote about what kind of person she wanted to become, to do what she wanted to do and love, to be a free, unconstrained, and untroubled person.

Banxia is a stay-at-home mother, and her daughter Xiaojiu was diagnosed with major depression and bipolar disorder in 2020, and after struggling with the disease for nearly three years, Xiaojiu passed away at the age of 16. In the midst of great pain, Banxia recalled over and over again, and she found that her daughter Xiaojiu had sent many rescue signals, but because she didn't understand the disease at the time, she couldn't seize the opportunity.

Banxia: When I was in the sixth grade of primary school, she said that she wanted to see a psychiatrist, but I ignored it because I really didn't understand it, and I didn't know anything about mental health. Then it was really serious when I was in the second year of junior high school, and my dizziness, stomach pain, and nausea developed to the point that I couldn't go to school all day. Later, the doctor reminded me that we should go to the psychiatrist, and only then did I start to diagnose that she had this mental illness.

knows that her daughter is unhappy, but Banxia doesn't understand, what kind of suffering is Xiaojiu's spiritual world? Because her husband goes to sea all the year round, her daughter often loses her father's company when she grows up; Burdened with the expectations of his parents, Xiaojiu is not only busy with his studies, but also filled with various talents and tutoring classes on weekends. When she heard the news of her daughter's diagnosis, Banxia fell into deep frustration and helplessness: she obviously loved her child deeply, but she was at a loss about how to raise her child.

Banxia: When I was first diagnosed, I felt like the sky was falling. In fact, what the child may think, she does not express very much. So that's what I didn't do well, I probably didn't let her relax, she didn't have a way to talk to me about what was on her mind. I can't listen to the real needs of my child's heart, and I think more about what I want her to be and what kind of person I want her to be, rather than what kind of person she wants to become.

With the understanding of depression, Banxia also became more and more deeply aware that as a mother, she must learn to listen, accept and communicate, and accompany her daughter out of the haze in her heart. In the past three years, Banxia took a little wine and started many attempts. In addition to medication and psychological counseling, Banxia and her daughter left Guilin and went to Chengdu to explore new learning and lifestyle in a new environment.

In the process of taking care of Xiaojiu, Banxia, as a mother, is also constantly learning and transforming. Banxia said that only when he grows strength in his heart can he have the strength to support his children. For three years, Xiaojiu traveled with his mother, planned for the future, and had a cute pet cat. However, due to Xiaojiu's serious illness, Banxia finally failed to keep her daughter. Before leaving, Xiaojiu left a letter to her mother and wrote the following words: Fortunately, there is such a responsible mother as you, please don't feel sorry for me, I hope you can come out as soon as possible. And I really love you, and I'm really sorry, but I want to be relieved so much, please forgive me. Love your little wine.

Although now, Banxia is not really ready to say goodbye to Xiaojiu, but her life is already being rebuilt. Facing the camera, Banxia spoke out bravely, for Xiaojiu, for herself, and for children and families like Xiaojiu, to get out of the haze as soon as possible and regain the sunshine.

Banxia: Because I have been in pain, because I have lost, so I have unforgettable feelings, I have painful feelings. I want to share it to remind everyone that by not making the same mistakes I made before, I can help more families and children like us, and this is also a motivation to support me to do these things.

Banxia: I want to wake up more people with my pain

Speaking out for more children with depression, so that everyone can understand the disease, understand the child, and avoid repeating the mistakes of the past, is the focus of Banxia's life now. She is not afraid of "exposing her own ugliness", nor is she afraid of revealing scars, actively participating in the activities of relevant public welfare organizations, writing articles on self-media, and communicating with parents who have similar experiences, and finding ways together.

Banxia said that as a parent, you must first know who you are, grow strength inside, and work together with the school and society to pass through the fog, dispel the haze, and illuminate the child's heart.

Write articles on the official account, share experiences and insights, communicate with parents, organize reading clubs, initiate companion groups, and spare no effort to answer everyone's confusion. It is the focus of Banxia's life now.

In the exchange, Banxia also noticed that when the child has psychological problems, parents are most anxious about whether the child can return to normal learning and life as soon as possible, but in fact, the growth trajectory of each child is different, and each child has a good side, just like letting all animals compete to climb trees, how can a fish climb a monkey? In the face of children with mental illness, it is more necessary for parents to let go of anxiety, eliminate stigma, and help children find more possibilities.

Banxia: This society and this era have undergone earth-shaking changes, and we can explore different paths. Only after knowing the diversity of learning can parents let go of anxiety, and then children can let go of anxiety and find what they are truly passionate about.

How to help children who are depressed, Banxia hopes that her small energy can become a beam of light, and work together with the school and society to explore together, so that everyone can better see and understand depression patients and families.

Banxia: Every ordinary person has the responsibility and obligation to pay attention to mental health knowledge and not label them. In fact, such people are either hypocritical, not vulnerable, or sick. To treat these people with mental illness, we need to understand and tolerate them even more, and I think the whole society should create such a warm, tolerant and loving atmosphere.

Scientific Cognition of Mental Illness Heals Wounded Souls with Love

How to soothe a wounded soul and heal a broken heart? Banxia bravely shared her experience, and it also made us clearly realize that the answer is love - the love of a complete family from both mother and father, the love of friendship with mutual equality, mutual respect and mutual help, and the love of education that varies from person to person and teaches according to aptitude. Perhaps, compared to the tutoring that fills up life, compared to the ubiquitous competitive pressure, being loved is the deepest and purest desire that children have never spoken.

People with depression are not hypocritical, they are not vulnerable, they are sick. This is a simple statement, but it is quite heavy for the families involved. Half of their pain is due to the disease itself, and half is due to social stereotypes, prejudices and discrimination. The premise of understanding them is to understand and understand mental and psychological diseases, including depression, to recognize the nature, causes and countermeasures of diseases, and to break stereotypes, correct prejudices, and oppose discrimination step by step by accepting the concept of "psychological cold". This is both the duty of the media and the mission of education.

View original image 236K

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

•