I have to say that today's netizens are really sharp-eyed, and they can see through some human tricks in minutes.
On Weibo, there is such a hot topic: "My relatives advised me not to study for a doctorate, but to get married quickly?!" ”
Obviously, the blogger has already made her own judgment and choice, but due to personal contacts, she still wants to listen to the countermeasures of netizens.
The reason is that this 28-year-old female blogger, single, has received doctoral admission letters from two universities this year, one is a top 5 university in China, and one is a top 30 British university in the QS world rankings.
When the parents were chatting with their relatives, they inadvertently mentioned the news that their daughter was admitted, but when the relative heard it, he directly poured cold water:
"Huh? How old is she and still studying? Graduation 32? Girls, or liberal arts, what's the use of getting a doctorate! Hurry up and let her go on a blind date, no one wants it in her 30s! ”
And strongly advised the blogger's parents: It is useless for girls to read so many books, they still have to marry well.
The point is that more than one relative said this, and the relatives around him who knew about it were trying to discourage it.
"Girls don't need to read so many books, they will get married and have children in the future, and these knowledge will not be useful at all."
"If it's my child, I won't let her go to school. What's the use of reading it? It's better to find someone to get married and live a good life. ”
……
Source: Visual China
As a result, the family that was happy to get the admission letter is now made anxious about age, marriage, and childbirth.
The blogger's mother also began to persuade the child to "honestly find a class, get married and have children as soon as possible".
However, this blogger is categorical:
"But, these 'kind' relatives, I will definitely read this book. If you want to get married and have children, it's your business, and I will never stop you! ”
After this post rushed to the hot search, netizens launched a heated discussion.
What is surprising is that it is not uncommon for such relatives to have no sense of boundaries, and even many netizens feel the same way.
Everyone talked about the strange behavior of those strange relatives around them.
"I have a distant relative who has to ask my husband to arrange a job for her daughter. The key is that this relative's daughter is lazy and lazy, and she is almost 30 years old and still squatting at home. ”
"My sister lent me 10,000 yuan to pay for her child's tuition, but she hasn't paid me back for 1 year. When I opened my mouth to my sister about money, my sister just said lightly, 'I didn't pay it back, I was saving money for you'. ”
……
This scene is really helpless and angry.
The philosopher Heraclitus said:
"All the order of the world burns in a certain measure and extinguishes in a certain measure."
In real life, there are always some people who pretend to be relatives and wantonly cross the line.
What is even more terrifying than the crossing of the line itself is that even if some people have crossed the line, they still feel that they are the right party, and eventually the relationship with each other continues to deteriorate.
Source: Stills from the TV series "Parents Love".
I read an article in "Reader" magazine "The Meaning of Far and Near", which has a paragraph that is impressive:
"If a painting wants to encompass distant mountains and rivers, it must pay attention to the shade of brush and ink. The near is thick, the distance is light, and the unevenness between the brush and ink highlights the distance. As a result, there is a big world between square inches. If a person wants to have a pattern, he must also pay attention to distance and proximity. ”
Reader, Issue 7, 2023
Between people, relatives are distant and close, in fact, they have their own proportions.
An inch more, an inch less, will bring the relationship to an impasse.
I have seen one thing shared by netizen @朱黎.
Zhu Li's sister's daughter, Xiaoyue, has just graduated from college and has not found a job. So my sister came to the door, hoping that Zhu Li could help make a temporary transition.
Zhu Li couldn't think of borrowing it temporarily, for a few months at most.
And she readily agreed.
But who would have thought that when you can't find a job or a place to live, you can just borrow it; The problem is that this borrowing is 8 years.
Eight years later, the girl went ashore and finally found a decent job, but she had no intention of moving out.
Seeing that the girl is about to enter the 30-year-old mark, she has no boyfriend, and she has no intention of moving out.
Zhu Li was embarrassed to mention it directly, so he could only ask his sister in private.
As a result, my sister said frankly: "She just got a job, and she hasn't gotten her salary yet." It's not too late to move when the salary is in hand. ”
However, here Zhu Li is about to get married to her boyfriend. She is 35 years old this year, and finally met a boy who is in love, and the two discussed getting married at the end of the year and changing the current house into a wedding room.
After talking a few times without success, Zhu Li simply made it clear to his sister: "I want to get married, the house needs to be renovated, please move out before this month." ”
My sister was angry on the spot, and pointed at Zhu Li's head and scolded: "Your marriage is a big deal, I told you that my children only found a job and didn't get a salary, why are you so conscienceless?" ”
My sister's words made Zhu Li feel aggrieved.
"I really can't understand that if the girl was still young, it would be excusable. But now that he has reached the age of starting a family, he can make money, and he also understands the sophistication of people, how can he rely on his relatives and live in vain? ”
Source: Visual China
Many times, we think that as long as we give a hint or even an explicit, the other person will be able to understand it.
But for people who don't have a sense of boundaries, not only do they not understand the true meaning of your words in the slightest, but they also think that you are making a fuss and making a big deal out of it.
The reason why a relationship is suffocating is because many people do not respect the boundaries of others, think they are familiar, and they have to cross the line repeatedly.
Tell me a true story that happened to me.
My parents have two daughters and my aunt's family has two sons.
My aunt's family conditions are not very good, but because she was born a boy, she always felt that she was superior, so she habitually kidnapped our family.
My two younger brothers went to kindergarten and elementary school, and my parents helped to make connections.
Seeing that my sister and I were in interest classes, my aunt also forced my younger brother over, but my parents paid for the tuition.
My younger brother had his head broken in a fight, and my aunt asked for a "care fee" of 10,000 yuan from my parents, which was called "buying some food for the child".
And back and forth:
"This is your grandfather's own grandson, and the gold is expensive! As elders, you should have money to spend on them, shouldn't you? Besides, your family is all girls, and they will all be spilled water in the future, so it is better to spend the money directly on our son! ”
When we were children, we thought that my aunt was a bit of a bully, but we didn't know what was "wrong" about her.
When I grew up, my sister and I realized that this kind of "discomfort" is actually crossing the line without realizing it.
In the name of "relatives", they are practicing "parasitism".
Source: Stills from the TV series "Parents Love".
Later, when my sister and I went to college and left my hometown, I rarely asked my aunt about her family.
Once when I came home, I heard from my father that my uncle had passed away, and their eldest son had a lot of debts for gambling, and the younger son had earned some money to pay off all the debts for his brother.
The two sons are in their thirties, and they are still singles. There is nothing serious for a day, just doing small jobs for people to make a living.
My aunt came to my house several times to borrow money, but in fact, everyone understood that the money would definitely not be returned.
But my parents are soft-hearted, love face, and have helped a lot financially.
It wasn't until my aunt wanted to pass on her youngest son to my parents and ask my parents to buy him a house and get married, that my parents finally recognized the reality and decided to break off contact.
The ancients said: "When the water is full, it overflows, and when the moon is full, it loses." ”
Anything that develops to a certain stage, if it crosses the line, will go to its opposite.
The same is true for a relationship.
It is true that relatives should help each other, but it is necessary to understand that there is a degree of intimacy and familiarity.
In this way, the friendship between relatives will be warmer and stronger.
As the old saying goes: "Don't take the things that give to people in mind; Receive the favor of others, and remember it in your heart. ”
In fact, the best relationship between relatives is the same.
Trouble each other within a comfortable scale, and enhance the relationship in the interaction of back and forth, and the relationship will become more and more intimate.
In the TV series "Children of the Qiao Family", the eldest brother Qiao Yicheng has chronic nephritis, and if it is not treated in time, it may develop into uremia. In order not to trouble his younger brothers and sisters, and not to drag them down, he didn't say anything to the outside world.
Source: Stills from the TV series "Children of the Qiao Family".
When the younger siblings learned about this, they discussed together that no matter how difficult it was, they should actively treat the eldest brother.
Because when they were young, it was the eldest brother who took care of them both as a father and a mother; Now that the eldest brother is sick, they also want to do their best to repay the kindness of the eldest brother.
Source: Stills from the TV series "Children of the Qiao Family".
Everyone began to take turns to accompany the eldest brother in the hospital, and the younger brother Qiqi did not hesitate to exchange one of his kidneys for the eldest brother in order to save the eldest brother.
In the end, with everyone's concerted efforts, Qiao Yicheng recovered his health, and the family's life was back on track.
Vote for me with a peach, and repay it with Qiong Yao.
A good relationship between relatives is not a dinner party, not a treat and a gift, but a mutual fulfillment, mutual gratitude, and two-way travel.
Netizen @歆然 said such a thing.
After my father passed away, my mother has been in poor health. In order not to overwork her mother, she persuaded her not to farm anymore, but her mother still planted an acre of land.
Farming requires ploughing, and because Xin Ran is not at home, she can't help her mother, so her mother has no choice but to farm alone.
Later, my cousin Zhao Liang found out, so he drove his tractor over to help, and said, "Aunt, you said that you can't plough the land, you won't call me for help, we are not far away." ”
After the cousin finished speaking, his mother said that she was afraid that he would be busy and did not want to delay his time.
When my mother finished speaking, my cousin was a little angry: "Aunt, we are relatives. When my uncle was alive, you helped me a lot, but now that he is gone, who do you not look for me when you encounter difficulties? ”
Later, my mother told Xinran about it, and Xinran was particularly moved. After that, every New Year's holiday, I went to my cousin's house to show my gratitude.
Source: Visual China
Between people, this is the case: you treat me well, and I am grateful to you.
Relatives, when encountering difficulties and troubles, help each other to tide over difficulties, and slowly enhance their feelings in the interaction with each other.
Walking through the trough, not forgetting the grace of dripping, remembering the good of the other party, and giving back in a timely manner, will make this relationship warm and long.
I read an article "Three Points" in the "Reader" magazine, which has this paragraph:
"When you get along with people, three points of space are crucial.
People are too familiar with each other, and it is easy to ignore the feelings of the other party because they know the roots, lose their sense of proportion, and take everything for granted.
Even if you are an acquaintance, you will not turn a blind eye to it in your heart, so that you can always pay attention to each other's feelings and listen to each other's voices, so that the relationship can last for a long time. ”
Reader, Issue 20, 2022
Relationships that blur the line, keep taking, and keep asking will only end up chilling each other's feelings.
Not only family, but also friendship and love.
The key to maintaining affection is to neither go beyond the boundaries of others nor allow others to trample on one's own boundaries.
Share.
Author: What is the night tonight, but when you meet a lover, the landscape is a journey.