When a girl who works and studies dies in Africa, her parents don't want ashes, just money...... 

Mi Li's mother loves to share

2024-05-20 14:00Posted in Beijing, creators in the field of parenting

Text | Mi Li's mother

In the past few days, when Mi Li's mother was surfing the Internet, she saw an embarrassing piece of news.

A 26-year-old girl struggled to save money to study in Africa, but just as she was about to realize her dream of saving enough for a million, malaria took her life.

The news is very short, Mi Li's mother just looks at the headline and thinks it's strange, as a girl's parents, why didn't they fund some money, but let the child save for studying abroad alone? If a girl wants to work, can't she find a job in her hometown, and why should she go to such a remote and dangerous place in Africa?

But after reading the girl's story, I was finally able to understand the girl's approach, and I felt the ruthlessness of fate.

"Escaping" from the family of origin is the beginning of getting better

The girl's name is Zhou Yanling, the eldest daughter of a family in a remote mountain village in Guangxi, in addition to her, there is a younger sister and a younger brother in the family.

Since she was a child, Zhou Yanling has never received the slightest love from her parents. In this family, only the younger brother is the treasure in the palm of his parents, and her existence is a burden to the family.

That year, Zhou Yanling's family built a new house, but there was no room for her, so she could only live alone in an old house in the countryside, with three meals a day and self-sufficient.

When she was in college, the money given by her family was not enough for Zhou Yanling to live. In order to eat for free, she worked part-time as a cook in the school canteen, and worked part-time everywhere when she was out of class. Sometimes I can only earn a few dozen dollars by running dozens of school buildings and handing out flyers all day.

When her parents found out, not only did they feel sorry for her, but they often asked her to buy various things for her younger brother. My brother too, every time he contacted her, he either asked her to help with her homework, or asked her for this or that. Her married sister never cared about her and tried to sell the books she liked.

Once Zhou Yanling had a whim and wanted to see her astrolabe, so she asked her mother about her birthday time on the lunar and solar calendars. But after some inquiry, she found that the two birthdays that my mother said did not match, so she asked a few more words. Unexpectedly, after hearing this, her mother began to reprimand her for being ignorant, and said that her father had given up on her.

What's even more outrageous is that in November last year, Zhou Yanling had the idea of returning to China to buy a house, so she asked her family for a household registration book.

When my mother heard this, she immediately asked vigilantly, "Are you going to buy a house?" If you want to buy it, buy it closer to home. Zhou Yanling knew that her mother would say this because she felt that if she bought it closer, the house could be given to her younger brother in the future.

Seeing Zhou Yanling's childhood experience, Mi Li's mother couldn't help but think of Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy".

She worked hard in the big city for many years, but still had nothing, because she subsidized most of her salary to her brother. The patriarchal family of origin is a shackle that she can never escape.

Although Fan Shengmei knew in her heart that her brother was a bottomless pit, and if she wanted to live well, she should be ruthless as soon as possible, but every time her mother called for help, Fan Shengmei was still moved by compassion. Her innate filial piety and kindness made her unable to give up her original family, and she had nowhere to escape.

And in real life, there are many women who are worse than Fan Shengmei.

Late one night in 2020, a girl sat on the side of the street, clasped her hands and knees crying.

Because of her poor family, the girl dropped out of school after graduating from high school and has been working to support the family, and the money she earns is also kept by her mother.

Because of her low education, the girl did the hardest and lowest-paid job, only 5,000 yuan a month, and she saved 200,000 yuan for 6 years.

But the girl's mother didn't say a word and used the money to buy a house for her younger brother.

The girl asked her mother why she did this, but her mother said lightly: "You will also have someone to raise in the future, what are you afraid of?" You're a girl, what's the toss? ”

A cold word is enough to make the girl completely chilled.

Fortunately, although she was also born in an unfair family of origin, Zhou Yanling was much more sober, and she once wrote in her diary: "I have long been desensitized to family affection. Either take out the household registration book or go out, I only have these two options. 'Turning back' is stabbing myself with a bayonet, it is a road of no return to the abyss, and I don't want to go. ”

Zhou Yanling clearly knows that only by escaping can there be a glimmer of life. She doesn't want to be a "tool man" for her parents and younger brother, she wants to leave, pursue her dreams, and live the life she wants.

There is no fate, only a struggle against fate

All along, Zhou Yanling has a dream, which is to study in France.

She dreams of one day being able to interpret the romance of France in her own way, to experience the life of freedom and passion.

But she also knows that as a rural girl without any economic foundation, studying in France is like an unattainable dream, and the cost of studying abroad alone is enough to prohibitive.

In order to realize her dream faster, Zhou Yanling thought of a way, that is, to become a "non-drifter".

Because Africa is thousands of miles away, the conditions are poor, the climate is poor, and there is a danger to life, most people are reluctant to go, so the income of working there is particularly high.

Zhou Yanling felt that she could endure hardships, and she could change her fate after a few years, which was very cost-effective. So in the summer of the year she graduated, Zhou Yanling took a flight to Africa and went to Africa.

During her years in Africa, Zhou Yanling experienced unimaginable pain. The climate there was so hot that even with the air conditioner on, the bed was still as hot as teppanyaki.

And Zhou Yanling's work is not as decent as imagined. To put it bluntly, he is working as a salesman, going door-to-door to promote his products to the locals. Sometimes, when a customer defaults on the final payment, he has to collect the debt.

The language barrier, the different cultures, and the worrying quality of the locals made Zhou Yanling suffer a lot.

In Africa, Zhou Yanling stayed for three years. The only thing that has supported her in the past three years is the dream of going to France.

In the most difficult days, Zhou Yanling did not forget her dreams. She insisted on learning languages, actively applied to schools, and used tenacity and perseverance to weave a blueprint for her future.

Looking back on the first half of Zhou Yanling's life, it is a history of blood and tears fighting against fate, she longs to rebuild her life on the ruins, climb out of the darkest valley, and see the scenery outside.

This reminds Mi Li's mother of another character in "Ode to Joy" - Zhu Zhe, although she has the same bad original family as Fan Shengmei, the 30-year-old Fan Shengmei has nothing, and the 30-year-old Zhu Zhe can buy a house in Shanghai.

The reason is that Zhu Zhe is much more sober and wiser than Fan Shengmei.

Zhu Zhe, who had never attended high school at the age of 16, was forced to drop out of school and came to Shanghai alone to work hard. In order to provide for her younger siblings to study, she worked day and night, spending nearly 400,000 yuan before and after.

But Zhu Zhe's dedication did not earn the gratitude of his younger siblings, but instead raised two white-eyed wolves, who always demanded from his sister even harder. The parents in my hometown never felt sorry for their daughter, they all asked for money when they opened and closed their mouths, and they didn't care if she was tired of working outside.

But compared with Fan Shengmei, Zhu Zhe is more ruthless. She didn't accept her fate, and she didn't want to be sucked by her family all the time.

When Zhu Zhe's younger siblings came to Shanghai to seek refuge with her, she did not get used to them, but bluntly refused their unreasonable demands.

What's more, Zhu Zhe is not waiting for Prince Charming's rescue like Fan Shengmei, she knows that there is no savior in this world, and the only one who can ferry herself out of the abyss is herself.

Therefore, in the years of work, Zhu Zhe has been working hard to improve his academic qualifications and gain a firm foothold in the workplace step by step. After providing her younger siblings with college, she stopped giving blood transfusions to her younger siblings, but borrowed money from a friend, paid a down payment, and bought a small house in Shanghai.

Although everyone's birth cannot be decided by themselves, like Zhu Zhe and Zhou Yanling, they both told us with their own life experiences that although the original family can decide the first half of life, you can decide the second half of your life. The confidence in life is not given by parents, but by oneself.

It's like a saying: "If the original family owes you, you must rely on yourself to get it back." "Truly powerful people can play a string of king bombs even if they get a bad hand, they don't believe in fate, they only believe in changing their fate against the sky.

I can't grasp an inch of this world,

It's like the world can't catch me either

"I want to make a lot of money, go to study in France, and then find a job far enough away from home, settle down and live a free life." In the past, Zhou Yanling had many beautiful dreams for the future, and she did her best to realize this distant dream. She is like an orphan, relying on herself to upgrade and fight monsters all the way, and fight a bloody path in the thorn bushes, but just when she was about to keep the clouds open and see the moon, she was dragged into the abyss by death.

More than a month ago, malaria, which had dropped to 0.2 percent of the fatality rate, claimed Zhou Yanling's life. This poor girl finally breaks through the barriers of the world and escapes the blood-sucking family of origin, but she cannot resist the impermanence of fate.

What's even more embarrassing is that when the company contacted Zhou Yanling's parents through the police station, the parents were unwilling to even go to see her, or even to get her ashes back, and only entrusted Zhou Yanling's company to sprinkle her ashes on the Congo River.

But on the other hand, the parents asked the company to transport all Zhou Yanling's mobile phones, jewelry, bank cards and other valuables back to China, and they were unwilling to leave a cent.

How ruthless fate is, Zhou Yanling tried her best not to be sucked by her family, but in the end, she was still squeezed out by her parents.

"I can't grasp any inch of this world, just as the world can't grasp me!" Zhou Yanling once wrote such a line of text on her mobile phone, and this sentence also hinted at her fate. She came and walked naked, without taking with her a speck of dust or the concern of her family.

The most distressing thing is that Zhou Yanling is not the first or the last girl who is so hard-working.

Do you still remember the girl Luo Luo who died unexpectedly but became a tool for her parents to collect money in disguise?

Since he was a child, Luo Luo rarely received the love of his parents, especially when he became an adult, Luo Luo was asked for money by his parents for a long time. Every time her parents called her, they asked her for money.

But despite the fact that her original family was so bad, Luo Luo did not give up on herself, she worked hard and was motivated, and she got a high salary of 10,000 yuan a month at a young age, and the company also valued her very much.

One day, because Luo Luo was in a bad mood, he went to the Qiantang River alone to relax, but he accidentally encountered the high tide and died.

Afterwards, Luo Luo's parents found the company where their daughter worked before her death, asked the boss for a pension of 60,000 yuan, and then found Luo Luo's boyfriend and asked for 10,000 yuan in compensation.

After that, they still felt dissatisfied, and went to the company every day to make trouble, demanding that the company compensate 410,000 yuan.

Do you think that the parents are asking for compensation to comfort their daughter's soul in heaven? No! What they want is to ask for more money to buy a house for their younger son!

Poor girl, who had worked so hard to fight for a piece of the world for herself, probably never dreamed that she would die and be squeezed out of the last drop of blood by her parents.

Sometimes Mi Li's mother can't help but doubt, even the tiger poison still doesn't eat children, the bottom line of human nature is low, and the emotion is indifferent, can it still reach this point?

I once heard a saying: "Some children are born as gifts that their parents expect, and some are just wrapping paper that their parents expect." ”

Perhaps in the eyes of some parents, these "wrapping paper girls" have never been valuable, and are at best just a "tool". They never think about what they want to do for their children, they just want to extract as much value out of them as possible.

Now that Yiren has passed away, while feeling embarrassed for Zhou Yanling's fate, Mi Li's mother also sincerely hopes that Zhou Yanling's ashes can drift to the France she longs for with the turbulent Congo River and be happy in parallel time and space.

I also hope that the girls who have encountered a bad original family can bravely cut off the past, live their own lives, and live a wonderful life.

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent, Dangdang's first new book list "Parent-child English book that affects children's doctors" author. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.

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