#头条创作挑战赛#
On the Weibo platform, there was a hot topic "the importance of being frank and straightforward", which aroused heated discussions and deep resonance among the majority of netizens. Many netizens have poured out all kinds of troubles they have experienced due to slurred speech:
"It's obvious that something can be broken in one word, but it has to be twisted and turned, going around and around."
"Day after day, people speculate about their hearts, and how much deep friendship quietly dissipates in misunderstandings."
"When faced with problems, you should be direct and expressive, others are not as fragile and sensitive as you think."
In this bustling and complicated torrent of life, we will pass by countless people every day, deal with countless trivial affairs, and deal with endless problems and challenges.
In the interweaving of interpersonal communication and sophisticated human feelings, outspokenness has become the key to insight into human nature and clarity in dealing with things. Deliberately creating a deep and unpredictable image, every sentence makes people struggle to figure it out, and in the end it will only consume precious time and energy, and end up in vain.
As a netizen commented: "People yearn for things that are clear and clear, and don't miss the beautiful moments of life or even sincere emotions because they are too subtle and introverted." ”
Life is long, and the highest level of emotional intelligence is not to embellish the language with incomparably tactful twists and turns for the sake of the so-called face, but to dare to speak out, but also to know how to speak well, and win understanding and respect with sincerity and frankness.
Having something straight is the greatest respect for others
Mark Twain, a great literary figure, once attended an impassioned lecture hosted by a pastor.
In just three minutes of the opening remarks, Mark Twain was keenly aware that the pastor was tactfully guiding his audience to give generously, but was failing to express his appeal directly. He continues to tell the touching and poignant experience of poor families.
At first, Mark Twain was so moved by these stories that he pulled out his handkerchief to wipe tears from his eyes and prepared to get up to donate. Yet, as time passed, 30 minutes passed, and the pastor's narrative still flowed like a river.
At this time, Mark Twain began to feel tired and impatient, and his eyes drifted to the door of the venue from time to time, hoping that this speech would end as soon as possible. It wasn't until an hour had passed that the pastor decided he had enough foreshadowing and called for donations.
At this moment, however, Mark Twain's enthusiasm was gone, and he even resisted donations because of his disgust with the lengthy speech.
In the world, everyone is not an isolated island, and it is normal to ask for help from others. However, in many cases, it is not the difficulty of the request itself that is really difficult to accept, but the persistence of the other party's time while still wasting the time of both parties.
There is a phenomenon in psychology called the "overlimit effect", which reveals that when a person is continuously stimulated to a certain level, the original interest and enthusiasm will quickly fade, or even turn into a strong rebellious psychology.
In today's era where every second counts, the impact of the "overrun effect" is particularly significant. Every busy moment can be overwhelmingly disintegrated in an instant due to a vague, roundabout conversation.
As Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, once said, "The great thing about working with great people is that you don't have to worry too much about face, and you can be completely outspoken and honest." ”
On the Zhihu platform, a netizen shared her dissatisfaction with her boyfriend's slightly wooden behavior:
While the two were dining together at the restaurant, she motioned for her boyfriend to taste the last delicious fish on his plate. Although she hoped that her boyfriend would considerately put the fish in her bowl as a sign of affection, the reality was that he would eat it directly.
Another time, when she returned to Shanghai from a business trip, her boyfriend offered to pick her up, and she verbally said that there was no need to bother, but she secretly hoped that he would ignore her excuse and come to greet her in person. However, her boyfriend did comply with her verbal wishes and did not pick her up at the airport. So, she dragged her heavy luggage alone and walked through the crowded subway, full of complaints.
She sighed: "If he really cares about me, why do you need me to tell me everything." ”
In response, a highly praised comment responded: "He doesn't seem to be so considerate in your eyes anymore, but please don't forget that he once looked at you because of your expectations, regardless of the downpour, across the distance of half the city, and was soaked just to appear in front of you." He is still the same person, why are you stingy with those words or two that express your heart at this moment? ”
This conversation struck a deep chord. The ancients said: "Unfinished words imply infinite meaning." "In China's cultural heritage and emotional expression, we tend to advocate subtle beauty, and pursue a tacit emotional understanding that does not need to be spoken, but only needs to be understood.
It seems that in our concept, only by reaching the realm of "I don't say, you understand" can we be true feelings; And if "I said it, you did it", it seems to be undercaring.
However, we often ignore the fact that no one can fully understand the lives of others, and many delicate feelings and experiences can only be tasted and known by themselves.
A relationship that relies on the capture of subtle details and the maintenance of unspeakable emotions is essentially like a drain of life.
Only by speaking directly can we avoid consuming each other
On the Zhihu platform, a netizen shared her dissatisfaction with her boyfriend's slightly wooden behavior:
While the two were dining together at the restaurant, she motioned for her boyfriend to taste the last delicious fish on his plate. Although she hoped that her boyfriend would considerately put the fish in her bowl as a sign of affection, the reality was that he would eat it directly.
Another time, when she returned to Shanghai from a business trip, her boyfriend offered to pick her up, and she verbally said that there was no need to bother, but she secretly hoped that he would ignore her excuse and come to greet her in person. However, her boyfriend did comply with her verbal wishes and did not pick her up at the airport. So, she dragged her heavy luggage alone and walked through the crowded subway, full of complaints.
She sighed: "If he really cares about me, why do you need me to tell me everything." ”
In response, a highly praised comment responded: "He doesn't seem to be so considerate in your eyes anymore, but please don't forget that he once looked at you because of your expectations, regardless of the downpour, across the distance of half the city, and was soaked just to appear in front of you." He is still the same person, why are you stingy with those words or two that express your heart at this moment? ”
This conversation struck a deep chord. The ancients said: "Unfinished words imply infinite meaning." "In China's cultural heritage and emotional expression, we tend to advocate subtle beauty, and pursue a tacit emotional understanding that does not need to be spoken, but only needs to be understood.
It seems that in our concept, only by reaching the realm of "I don't say, you understand" can we be true feelings; And if "I said it, you did it", it seems to be undercaring. However, we often ignore the fact that no one can fully understand the lives of others, and many delicate feelings and experiences can only be tasted and known by themselves.
A relationship that relies on the capture of subtle details and the maintenance of unspeakable emotions is essentially like a drain of life.
In the program "Strange Sayings", debater Huang Zhizhong once profoundly elaborated on such a phenomenon: "In the communication habits of Chinese, words often convey only one-third of the overall message, and the remaining seven points rely on speculation and speculation.
Pondering between sincerity and sincerity, but also missing a lot of hearts that could have been touched, such helplessness is not a painful self-limitation? ”
Any relationship, even if it seems to be as calm as a deep stream of water, actually contains layers of endless emotional ripples. You are silent, and I choose to remain silent, mistakenly believing that the other party can understand, but the result is that neither side can really understand the other.
Therefore, in the process of interpersonal communication, we need to learn to be honest and outspoken, so that every expression can be responded to, and every detail has its echo. Only in this way can we have a more profound and long-lasting time together.
To be blunt, it is a positive attitude
When someone asks, "Does speaking up inadvertently offend someone?" ”
In fact, there is a fine line between being outspoken and being open-mouthed and lacking in a sense of proportion.
The Analects wisely admonishes us: "The wise are careful with their words, but the dull are free to express their thoughts." "The art of interpersonal communication is not about being overly obscure or unreserved, but about being sincere and decent, and where words are like a spring breeze, making people feel comfortable and bright, and open-minded.
Ray Dalio, a world-renowned investment guru, shares an enlightening example in his masterpiece "Principles". On one occasion, Dalio, who was the keynote speaker at the conference, felt good about himself and performed well throughout.
However, shortly after the meeting ended, an email from a subordinate quietly arrived. In the email, the employee did not shy away from pointing out that Dalio had interspersed the meeting with a lot of trivial things that were not related to the topic, which caused the agenda to be disrupted.
He further analyzed that it may be due to Dalio's insufficient preparation in advance, so there was a logical jump in the exposition of his views, and he failed to be clear and consistent.
Instead of being angry at such a slightly critical email, Dalio praised it.
The reason is that this employee not only shows a frank and confident side, but also dares to point out the inappropriateness of his superiors directly; It also reflects respect and wisdom, and chooses to give feedback by email after the meeting, which avoids on-site conflicts and makes it easier for the other party to accept suggestions.
Thanks to this, Dalio used this valuable email to reflect on and improve his meeting mode, which greatly improved the effectiveness of communication within the team. And this courageous employee has also received great attention and recognition from the management.
The famous writer Westo once profoundly explained: "Straight talk is the most positive communication attitude in life." He emphasized that the power of language lies in articulate expression, and that if words cannot be put into practice, any form of language art will be lost, just as a flower cannot cling to its branches.
In the process of solving problems, we should understand that any complex and difficult matter will never be resolved naturally by the tactful twists and turns of words. On the contrary, it is only by being honest with each other and having the courage to put the problem directly on the table that it can open the way to finding solutions.
In the face of difficulties, choosing to be silent and pretending that nothing has happened is not a way of behaving with high emotional intelligence, but rather exposing the perfunctory and alienated relationship with each other.
True wisdom lies in the fact that there is something in the heart, and the words must be meaningful, and the ability to reach the core of the listener's needs in the most appropriate and comfortable way is the highest state of philosophy of life.
To put it bluntly, it is emotional intelligence, but also an ability
The famous writer Yan Jiang once had a sobering proverb: "In Chinese society, which is accustomed to subtle expression, learning to speak directly is undoubtedly an outstanding talent." "In this era of opportunities and challenges, only by daring to express one's views honestly can we win respect in our actions and achieve a career.
Excessive cowardice and disguise, as well as foresight, are often seen as a sign of lack of ability and confidence, which in turn hinders personal development and progress.
For example, Kondo, a character in the Japanese TV series "Naoki Hanzawa", was a bank clerk who was transferred from the head office to a local branch.
In view of his previous experience in the head office, the head of the new department assigned him to take charge of the bank's lending process. Although dissatisfied with this arrangement, Kondo chose to accept it silently, considering that he had just been vacated by the head office, and fearing that his outspoken refusal at this time would arouse the disgust of the new leadership.
During that long period of time, Kondo worked silently in a position he did not love, and he never had the courage to express his true thoughts, and he did not even dare to refuse some unreasonable requests.
He thought that such patience and dedication would regain the appreciation of his superiors, but the reality was that the people around him still laughed at his weakness and regarded him as an insignificant tool.
Kondo finally realizes that trying to maintain the image in the eyes of others by suppressing inner emotions cannot be exchanged for true recognition and respect.
So, he decided to be brave and speak out and try to change the status quo. He took the initiative to ask Ying to be in charge of the financial audit work that he was good at, and clearly refused all entrusted tasks about the loan process.
At first, Kondo was worried that the move would cause resentment among his colleagues, but in reality, his honesty did not make any waves within the department. On the contrary, when he had the courage to express his inner thoughts, his cringe state was significantly improved, and his work efficiency and state were greatly improved.
This transformation is a powerful proof that speaking directly is not only about respecting others, but also about upholding and realizing one's own values.
Soon after, he quickly caught a critical error in his complicated financial reports, a discovery that helped the company avoid a costly penalty crisis.
This incident not only demonstrated his solid professionalism and keen insight, but also enabled him to win the company's deep recognition and respect in a substantive sense.
In the book "Poor Charlie", there is a deep-rooted saying: "True success always belongs to those who have the courage to express their inner desires." "Fear of criticism from others, apprehension about possible rejection, and choosing to remain silent in the comfort zone will only make the path of life narrower and narrower, and it will not be able to broaden the horizon of moving forward.
After all, in this world, people don't appreciate and admire your cautious gesture for fear of inappropriate words; On the contrary, people appreciate your courage to speak up and take responsibility.
Walking in this complex world, the success of many things is often only a thought, a few words of difference.
Only by honestly expressing what we think, firmly practicing what we say, and constantly improving our self-ability, can we pave a broader path of life and achieve a more outstanding state of life.
In a high-profile public conversation, Hu Shi and Huang Kan engaged in an in-depth discussion about how to gracefully turn down a job they didn't want to take over.
Huang Kan pondered for a moment, and finally carefully conceived a tactful way of prevarication: "Because of my lack of knowledge, I am afraid that it is difficult to be qualified for this important task, so I can only thank Bumin." ”
And Hu Shi responded instantly, saying bluntly in extremely concise three words: "The strength is not enough." ”
This remark made the teachers and students in the audience stunned for a moment, and then burst into warm applause.
In fact, many troubles and entanglements in the world often come from inner struggles and trade-offs, and once you tell them honestly, the problem will be solved, otherwise you will fall into chaos and confusion.
Every deliberately hidden mood is invisibly consuming the self;
Every time you want to talk and stop, you are quietly shortening the distance between people.
In the years to come, let us abandon redundant embellishments and disguises, and return to the fundamentals of human life.
Words do not need to be cowardly, and actions do not need to be hidden, so that we can live freely and enjoy the true meaning of life.