#头条创作挑战赛#
In the popular program "Wonderful Story", the guest Huang Zhizhong once had a deep insight into human nature, and he incisively pointed out:
"Nine times out of ten, the troubles we encounter in life are due to the intricate network of human relationships. And in this intertwined network of relationships, there are exactly nine times out of ten problems that are induced by poor or improper communication. ”
Emotional intelligence is like a warm spring breeze, no matter where they are, they can create a comfortable atmosphere like a spring breeze with their excellent communicative wisdom, so that the people around them are spontaneously close, as if bathed in spring light.
On the other hand, those who still need to improve their emotional intelligence often inadvertently reveal uncomfortable things in their words and demeanors, which may touch the disgusting nerves of others as soon as they open their mouths, causing people to subconsciously keep a distance from them, or even to stay away from them.
In particular, any of the four patterns of behaviour mentioned below, which can be called "social suicide", if manifested in interpersonal interactions, will be like a time bomb, easily pushing otherwise harmonious interpersonal relationships to the brink of tension and stalemate.
Use meanness as humor
The well-known host Meng Fei is well aware of the power of words, and he once expressed this opinion: "Although we encourage frank and outspoken, we should always grasp the measure of speaking, because a casual word may be able to stir up a monstrous wave in the hearts of others." ”
Sometimes, a joke you blurt out may quietly implant a spike in the hearts of others that is difficult to remove; Your self-righteous humorous moments may inadvertently puncture the dignity and face that the other party has worked so hard to build.
In a public speech, Xu Zheng shared his story in a self-deprecating way: "If you suffer baldness at the age of forty-five, you are still a personable man, and your baldness seems natural and reasonable. However, if you are facing hair loss at the age of 20, you seem to have become a laughing stock in everyone's mouth, and all the treatments you try seem to be a ridiculous joke. ”
Xu Zheng, who was still a second-year university student at the time, was rejuvenating when he was young, but he had no choice but to encounter a lot of hair loss. In order to save his hair, he insisted on wiping his scalp with ginger every day, and patiently and meticulously dipped a brush in hair growth water to apply every place.
Looking back on that painful experience, Xu Zheng admitted frankly that compared with the panic and embarrassment caused by hair loss, what really made his heart bleed was the cynicism of the people around him. Whenever he undergoes treatment, it always attracts onlookers and discussions from the people around him.
For example, when he accidentally knocked over the hair growth lotion, someone always took pleasure in it and teased: "Do you think this table will grow hair?" Another person continued: "Just look at the top of his head, I'm afraid the effect of this hair growth lotion is not ideal." ”
These seemingly ridiculous, but actually ironic words, made the young Xu Zheng bear the burden of inferiority complex for many years under the haze of hair loss.
As the writer Yishu said: "True self-cultivation and cultivation are by no means pretentious, and deliberately revealing people's shortcomings is not frank and honest, there is a significant difference between the two." ”
Humor, like a bridge, is based on respect and understanding for others, and aims to create an atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable. It is not a derogatory act in the name of ridicule, nor is it an attack on the weaknesses of others, nor is it a sprinkling of salt on the wounds of others that have not yet healed.
True humor should not be replaced by vitriol, mistaking it for a kind of intellectual ridicule, which is not. Recklessness can disrupt harmony, and in serious cases, it may even lead to the breakdown of interpersonal relationships.
We should learn to express our opinions in a gentle and wise way, always adhering to the principle of empathy.
Only in this way can we avoid pushing each other into an awkward predicament, and then win good interpersonal communication and deep network resources. Let humor be an emotional, relentless remedy for relationships, not a stinging tool.
Finger-pointing is warm-hearted
In the hot topic on Douban, many behaviors that are regarded as low emotional intelligence are discussed, among which the phenomenon of "pointing fingers" is particularly eye-catching, and it stands out and becomes the focus of criticism.
In real life, we will always encounter such a group of people, who are accustomed to judging and intervening in the trivial aspects of other people's lives as "people who have come over".
Their mantras are: "Listen to me", "You should do this", "That's not the right thing to do". Although this behavior may seem wise and caring to them, it is an unbearable nuisance in the eyes of others.
Just imagine, those elders who are keen to urge the younger generation to enter the marriage hall or reproduce offspring as soon as they meet, have been quietly set up barriers in the circle of friends of the younger generation?
If you look at those who are happy to meddle in their friends' decisions and put on an omniscient posture at every turn, their friendship often has a bumpy road, and even ends up in a situation of isolation.
In the adult world, there is no more offensive behavior in social interactions than unauthorized interference in other people's spheres of life. Whether you are proud at the moment, think that your own success experience has universal value, or if you are unlucky, but still talk about others, you will only expose your own shallowness and limitations.
As Mr. Kim Weichun said, "As an ordinary person, I don't dare to try to be a role model for others, but if I can resist the urge to be a good teacher, it is already a great contribution to interpersonal relationships." ”
Similarly, Master Qi Baishi, a master of Chinese studies, did not proclaim himself a benchmark in the industry, but warned his disciples: "Learning from my spirit can make you gain something, but if you blindly imitate me, you are doomed to rigidity and extinction." ”
Therefore, let us remember that on the stage of our own lives, we should not shuttle freely in the world of others, let alone point fingers at the lives of others.
Only by restraining the desire to be a good teacher can we truly maintain a harmonious relationship with friends and avoid inadvertently destroying this precious friendship.
Treat the display as a share
There is a thought-provoking story about an entrepreneur who declares bankruptcy due to troubled business operations, and his family suffers with it, and his wife files for divorce. This change caused a shock in the circle of friends.
After hearing the news, his best friend decided to invite the entrepreneur who was in a trough and a few mutual friends to gather at his home, trying to dispel the gloom and regain his joy through a warm dinner.
The friends present were well aware of their inner pain, and tacitly avoided all topics that might touch on the frustration of their careers.
However, during the banquet, a friend surnamed Wu, who has recently had a smooth business and has achieved a little success, couldn't help but share his business results with his eyebrows under the catalyst of a few glasses of wine, and his words were filled with unconcealable pride.
This scene was like a sharp blade cutting through the heart of the frustrated, making the entrepreneur's face even heavier. He first excused himself to go to the bathroom, then washed his face for a moment of peace, and finally left the table angrily when he was on the verge of a breakdown.
The famous writer Feng Jicai once brilliantly elaborated in his book: "Choosing a low profile is to be able to enjoy life quietly in the self-world; The pursuit of high profile, on the other hand, seems to be to construct life in the eyes of others. ”
In real life, we often meet people who are keen to show their sense of superiority, and they are happy to show off their happy moments, abundant wealth and even outstanding knowledge.
However, excessive ostentation often only leads to resentment and alienation from others. As Dale Carnegie, the guru of relationships, warned, "True wisdom is to restrain one's own light at the right time, lest you inadvertently sting others or even create unnecessary enemies for yourself." ”
"The wood is beautiful in the forest, and the wind will destroy it", this ancient adage reminds us to remain humble and restrained in the ups and downs of the world. Only when it is as warm as water and as dusty as all things can we make human relationships flow like a trickle, for a long time and harmoniously.
Take the bar as reasonable
On the big stage of real life, there are always some individuals who can make people speechless with just a few words:
When you mention the potential health hazards of smoking, he refutes it with an example: some people smoke for a lifetime and still live long into old age.
You advocated working hard while you were in your youth, but he sneered: Hmph, without a deep background, no matter how hard you try, it will be in vain.
Regardless of the point of view, this group of people is always accustomed to going against the grain and becoming addicted to the opposite.
They think they have a lotus tongue and unique insights, but in the eyes of others, their performance is not only bitter and mean, but also full of perverseness.
In a TV program, Li Xueqin sincerely suggested that young students: If there is no hot professional choice, you might as well devote yourself to the field you love.
Guest Xu Tianqi objected to this and insisted that popular majors should be given priority.
Li Xueqin had no choice but to emphasize again: What I mean is to choose the direction you love as much as possible in the absence of popular professional options.
However, Xu Tianqi is still stubborn: "That can't be said to be a choice to love, but a choice to like." ”
This conversation made the atmosphere of the scene fall into an embarrassing situation, and all the audience knew that the "love" that Li Xueqin said was essentially the same as Xu Tianqi's so-called "like".
In the barrage on the screen, a comment came to mind: "I used to have a friend like this, but now I am no longer a friend." ”
Those who are keen to raise the bar to win often lose points in the game of interpersonal relationships, and easily bury the precious friendship.
Everyone has their own positions and values, and excessive lifting of the bar will only make the relationship full of contradictions and resentment, and make oneself tired.
Just as the famous entrepreneur Yin Mingshan once warned the world: whenever there is a trivial dispute, you have to divide the winner and loser, if you don't suffer, who can bear this pain for you?
In short, fighting each other in everything and raising the bar everywhere to provoke is tantamount to setting self-limits and cutting off one's own way of retreat from a long-term perspective.
In the ancient wisdom of China, there is a deeply rooted aphorism: "With a scale in the mouth, the road is smooth", which means that only by being cautious in words and deeds can we achieve steady and far-reaching results.
The connotation of high emotional intelligence is not limited to the ability to speak on the surface, but also lies in the self-discipline and moderation of speech.
It is embodied in not excessively banning friends, not easily interfering in the trivial lives of others, and knowing how to handle just the right distance in interpersonal communication, so that emotions can flow for a long time like a trickle of water.
Here, we sincerely invite you to light up the "attention", and together we will abandon those "suicidal social" behaviors that hurt others and hurt ourselves, and strive to become a gentle, well-behaved, broad-minded, humble and low-key person.