I went to the supermarket at the entrance of the community to buy some food, and I happened to meet a neighbor's aunt with her grandson.
The child looked at the snacks and wanted them, and every time they picked up one, their grandmother scolded them: "Put it down!" No! The grandson could only reluctantly let go.
I felt very uncomfortable listening to my grandmother's tone next to me: I don't want my child to buy snacks, so I set rules at home in advance, and I don't save face for scolding my child outside!
The grandson may be accustomed to his grandmother's tone, and although he is a little timid, he still does not stop looking for what he likes in between his grandmother's grocery shopping.
I wanted to buy some chocolates, and the neighbor's grandson picked up a few loose chocolate candies, but I didn't expect that this time my grandmother didn't scold him, but I heard her whisper: "In my pocket~"
At first, I didn't realize what it meant, but when they checked out in front of me, I figured it out: I don't want to settle the bill, just take it away!
As far as I know, her family is an ordinary office worker, although they are not rich but not bad, why do they do this?
Maybe it's just trying to take advantage of it.
I can't help but worry about this boy in the neighborhood, who looks like he has a tiger head, will he grow up to be a productive person?
The old men and old ladies in the countryside who were uneducated in the past, because they had experienced the era of being too poor, liked to take advantage of this kind of small advantage. For example, some old people who sell vegetables, if you can't look at it, you will be short of two catties, or you will secretly stuff it into rotten. After a few losses, I no longer wanted to buy the food of the poor and "kind" old man on the street.
A person who is not poor himself, but thinks about taking advantage of people everywhere, in fact, has an aura of "poverty", such a person seems to take advantage, but in fact suffers losses in other aspects and does not know.
For example, influencing the formation of children's values.
If parents are too stingy in material matters and are stingy with petty profits, they may invisibly pass on selfish habits to their children, causing them to gradually form a bad character and a poor spiritual world.
Such effects are not immediate, but potential, and once the time is ripe, the child's character flaws will manifest themselves and be severely punished by society.
For example, they may lose precious relationships by focusing too much on personal gains and losses.
Another example is that when they collaborate with others, they may be isolated due to a lack of integrity, which can eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
It is very difficult for such a person to make a difference, let alone become an influential figure.
I can't help but think of what Yu Minhong said:
People's personality traits, outlook on life, values and behavioral habits are largely shaped by family background and parental teachings, and have a fundamental impact on a child's life.
Parents with these 2 types of "poverty" are difficult to raise productive children, I hope you don't
01. Poor heart
The neighbor's aunt's family conditions are not bad, but for a little profit, she teaches her grandson to learn to "take things for nothing" in the supermarket, I think, this is a manifestation of "poor heart".
There was an incident in which a son was scolded by his mother for buying a boxed lunch on the high-speed rail, which caused a lot of controversy at the time.
A family of three took the high-speed train, and when it was dinner time, the mother handed her son 100 yuan and asked him to buy meals.
The little boy excitedly selected three boxes of bento boxes with different flavors, and excitedly showed them to his mother: "Mom, I bought three flavors of rice, Kung Pao chicken and fish-flavored shredded pork are all here!" Which one do you want to eat? ”
However, when the mother saw the three boxes of meals on the table, she became angry: "Have you used up all the 100 yuan I gave you?" I only asked you to buy one meal, why did you buy so much on your own initiative? Go and get rid of the excess. ”
The angry mother dragged her son back to the dining car, demanded the return of the other two boxes of meals, and said to her son, "We don't need to eat so much, you can return the rest." After the son returned the meal, he was depressed and seemed very unhappy.
This incident attracted a lot of attention at the time.
Some people think: children are really sensible, and they know that they buy food for their parents to buy together, even if they are reluctant to save it, they will not blame such a sensible child
Some people think: It's not easy for parents, and in order to save money, they are reluctant to eat only for their children.
I think this mother is "too poor".
The food on the high-speed rail is really expensive, and I don't think it's worth buying it. However, when the child has the heart to take the initiative to buy it for us, even if we are distressed, shouldn't we thank the child first?
The mother only saw the dozens of dollars in front of her, but she didn't think that the child's healthy psychological construction was formed from the accumulation of things one by one when he was a child.
When meals are expensive, when clothes are expensive, sensible children remember their parents, but they are reprimanded by their parents. After accumulating a lot of such things, children naturally think: parents don't deserve to enjoy the good ones, and I don't need to worry about their affairs.
Many parents cry that their children will grow up to be white-eyed wolves, too selfish, and only care about their own enjoyment, regardless of whether their parents live or die, in fact, they do it themselves from incidents like this.
02, poor mouth
He also said that the mother in front of her, even if she wants to return the box lunch, she must calmly explain to the child: "We are not hungry" or "The food in the car is too expensive, we are reluctant to eat, you are growing up, of course you can eat." ”
There is no need to scold your child in public.
This is "poor mouth"!
I obviously want to express love, but the words I say hurt too deeply like a knife.
This way of dealing with things will imperceptibly affect children, and when children want to express their concern for their parents when they grow up, they will unconsciously use the same reprimanding tone: "How many times have I told you 'high blood sugar must drink less porridge', why can't you remember?" Old confused? ”
I ask you: What old man likes to hear such words?
However, the "cause" planted by parents since childhood bears such a "fruit".
"Poor mouth" is also reflected in reprimanding children in public, which not only hurts children's self-esteem, but also hurts children's self-confidence.
Stop pursuing the old saying of "teaching your son in front of you and teaching your wife behind your back", which is completely inapplicable in today's society, which is a matter of the era of "father for son, husband for wife".
I've seen a netizen talk about an incident when she was a child, and after reading it, I really want to travel through time and space to hug her, because it's so distressing!
When I was a kid in my teens, one night, my parents didn't know what to do, and they didn't come back late. I saw that there were dumplings at home, so I thought about making dumplings for the family to eat, learning from my mother's usual appearance, making dozens of dumplings with difficulty, my mother entered the house and saw the scene in front of her: thunder, directly poured all the dumplings into the ditch on the side of the road, and I remember it clearly now. I don't have a good relationship with my mother until now.
The child was full of love for his family, and made dozens of dumplings with difficulty, expecting the approval of his parents, but he didn't expect his mother to be furious when she saw it and poured all the dumplings into the ditch on the side of the road. How devastating will a child's psyche be?
The mother does not see the truth behind the child's behavior, only the child wastes food.
You must know that for a child, only when he or she receives a "feeling of happiness" and "recognition of self-worth" from his parents in childhood can he have endless strength on the road of life in the future.
"Poor" is also reflected in the frequent emphasis on "poverty" at home.
Some parents often complain, confide in the hardships of life, emphasize the financial embarrassment, etc., and such words may have a more far-reaching impact and damage on the hearts of their children than we estimate.
In the process of raising children, we must realize that parents are role models for children, and children's behavior is a reflection of parental education.
If we want our children to have a sound personality and grow up, we must first quit these "poor spirits", so that our children's hearts can be richer and more productive in the future!