I don't know when I started, my daughter came home no longer shouted "Mom, Mom", but began to have a short "Mom" word, I suddenly felt lost in my heart, the old one who liked to snuggle up to me when I went home, and liked to hug me and lean my little face on my shoulder when I was fine, I don't know when I disappeared, replaced by a big girl who was about the same height as me, although she was still childish, and her little face began to have a deep expression.
I began to face the growth of my child, but I couldn't help but start to feel lost, although "mom" and "mom" are the same word, but the difference is very big, "mom" is obviously closer.
When a child starts calling "Mom" instead of "Mommy", it does not mean that he is emotionally alienated
We all know that when children start to learn to speak, they always like to say "overlapping words", such as "mother", "dad", "grandpa", "grandma", "cat", "dog", "doll", "shuishui", ......
From the analysis of child development psychology, children in infancy and early childhood, language development is mainly based on imitation, children learn to speak at the beginning, parents will change their way of speaking, with the simplest and easy-to-imitate pronunciation, through exaggerated intonation and expression to the child clearly, easy for children to remember and imitate, this way of language has a professional name, called "baby-oriented language".
When the child simply grasps a certain vocabulary and knows how to form the vocabulary into short sentences, the child can only express as many meanings as possible through limited vocabulary, such as: "Mom, socks", which may be telling the mother that the socks are there, or saying that they are wearing socks, or asking their mother to bring the socks to him.
Children often make various mistakes in the process of imitating adult speech, such as grammatical expressions, self-created vocabulary, over-generalization, etc., but the process of these mistakes is the process of children's self-development and self-improvement, and children will slowly find more mature expressions in the expansion of language.
However, no matter how far a child's language has developed, the pronunciation of "mom" and "daddy" is relatively long and softer, giving people a sense of safety and warmth.
Before the age of three, children are accustomed to calling "Mom", which is an important manifestation of children's trust and closeness to their mothers, and is also an important sign of the formation of attachment relationships.
As the child grows older, the child's self-consciousness begins to sprout, and gradually moves towards independence, with his own little secrets in his heart, and he begins to desire to be able to make his own decisions in everything.
The change in the title indicates a new understanding of the role of "mother" in the child.
When I was a child, my mother was the child's day, and all my child's life revolved around my mother, and if I couldn't see my mother for a while, the child would be sad and sad, and I would go to kindergarten and leave my mother, and the child would have separation anxiety and be full of anxiety in my heart.
At this time, the child has pure trust and trust in the mother.
As they grow older, children understand that their mothers are no longer just people who provide care and care for themselves, they are independent individuals, attached to each other but not subordinate to each other, and they are originally one but gradually separated.
At this time, the title of "Mom" also allows children to gradually understand that they should be close to each other but also have equality and respect, and both parties should also be polite and empathetic, pay more attention to each other's feelings, and respect each other's views.
In addition, the older the child gets, the more he will be in the eyes of the unexpected world, and he does not want to be a "mom boy" or "mom girl" who only knows how to find his mother in the eyes of others, and he is eager to be recognized by others and does not want to be looked down upon.
How do parents view their children's transition from "mom" to "mom"?
Many parents may be like me, they will be stunned when their children begin to transform "mother" into "mother", and feel that their children have grown up and do not need themselves, but we must understand that this is a necessary process for children to grow up, and we must not pass on this anxiety and sadness to our children.
First, accept it.
As the so-called "children travel thousands of miles to worry about mothers", no matter how old the child is, in the eyes of the mother is also a child, many times the child is separated from the adult, we are worried that the child will not be able to adapt to the outside world, in fact, we can't accept the fact that the child grows up and no longer trusts himself.
The child grows up, physically no longer trusts himself, but the parents do not realize that they are still very close to themselves psychologically, the child in infancy, early childhood, childhood, we have a lot of tolerance and love for the child, because he is still young, lack of independent ability, but as the child grows up, he has his own thinking, no longer unconditionally obedient to his parents, parents feel that the child is disobedient and rebellious.
Children go from infancy to toddler, to teenager, to adulthood...... He's growing up, but we're still in the early stages. Parents should face up to their children's growth and accept their children's growth calmly, after all, we cannot accompany their children for a lifetime, and his own life, whether bitter or sweet, needs to be experienced and perceived by himself.
Second, exit at the right time.
Every year in the beginning of the school season, the kindergarten is a heart-rending cry, a group of parents linger at the school gate and can't bear to leave, and even grandparents stay outside the kindergarten all day, reluctant to go back.
This is the first time we have separated from our children, and it is also the first step for us to withdraw from our children's lives.
Children must face the long learning life on their own, and all parents can do is watch their children drift away.
The Austrian psychologist Mahler once proposed in his division of children's psychological development stages that after four or five months of infancy, until the age of three, is an important stage of infant separation-individualization, in this stage, the child gradually detached from the symbiotic integration with the mother, especially after the child learns to walk upright, the pace of separation from the mother is accelerated, this stage is defined by Mahler as the "psychological birth" stage.
Parents at this time should be able to respond to the child in a timely manner, understand the child's behavior, and help the child gain a sense of individuality and content separation, which is conducive to the formation of a stable self and helps the child grow up in "separation".
Finally, guard the borders.
When the child knows "this is mine", he begins to have a vague concept of boundaries, and this is also an important period for the germination of the child's self-consciousness and the formation of the permanent concept of the object.
At this time, smart parents know how to divide the territory and mark the area for their children, so that the children know that "what is yours is yours, mine is mine, I will not touch your things without permission, and you must also respect my territory".
When parents want to eat their children's snacks and play with their children's toys, they need to ask for their children's consent, of course, the children's requests can be rejected or agreed, so that the children know under what circumstances the boundaries can be opened and when they need to be closed.
When the child reaches puberty, allowing the child to have his own secrets and also allowing the child to have his own interpersonal interactions is the most basic sense of boundary for parents.
A child with a clear sense of boundaries has a complete and healthy personality, and only then does he know how to be himself better, respect the boundaries of others, and be willing to see others become himself.
Written at the end: When the child begins to change the title from "mother" to "mother", we should be happy with the change of the child and be happy to see the child grow up, because all the emotions in the world are for togetherness, only mother and child affection, and birth is for separation.
Author: Wait for the wind to come
A working mother of two children, holding a pen in her left hand and a baby in her right hand, she likes to read, write, and paint, and firmly believes that even if she lives in a chicken feather, she must have her own poetry and distance in her heart.
(The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact to delete)